She so wanted his approval.
‘It’s good.’ His smile caused her lungs to deflate, the lump to dissolve.
‘Not what you’re used to?’
‘Better.’
She bristled. She didn’t need or want pseudo-compliments. ‘You don’t have to butter me up. I know there’s no comparison.’
‘I promise I will always tell you the truth, Alina. Since the accident I’ve ordered meals. They came. I ate often while still working, usually too focused on facts and figures to taste or enjoy it. At home I lived in a void. My way of blocking out the grief, I guess.’
That she understood. ‘And I made it worse with my bombshell.’
‘No—no way.’ He dropped his knife, reached across and took her hand. ‘It was as if nothing had real purpose. I avoided thinking about Louise and Leon because then I’d have to accept they were never coming back. I hated knowing I should have been there for them much more than I was.’
She laid her free hand on top of his, subconsciously acknowledging its male texture.
‘You felt guilty? Oh, Ethan, there was never, ever, in any conversation I had with them, the slightest hint that you had been anything but a loving and supportive brother and friend. One who’d be there for them in a heartbeat if they needed you. I don’t know why they kept their problem a secret. Maybe because shielding those you love from worry goes both ways.’
‘Maybe. I keep wondering if there was anything else I could have done for them. All I know is that you’ve given my life meaning again. I wake in the morning knowing my sister and best friend aren’t completely lost to me. I feel—’
He broke off, slowly withdrew his hand, as if unsure of revealing too much emotion.
‘Best we eat while it’s hot. What other culinary delights do you have planned?’ He helped himself to a serving of salad.
‘You mean it? You’ll really need more than one meal to make a sound judgement.’
‘Bring them on.’
His smile as he raised his drink ignited trails of heat along her veins, threatening the solid barriers she’d sworn to maintain.
‘Here’s to many more home-cooked dinners together.’
They clinked glasses. Alina let her water slide, cool and refreshing, down her throat.
‘It’s on the understanding that you tell me if it’s not good or not to your taste. If I take over the housework as well it’ll fill my days. I’m rethinking the courses idea.’
‘I’m locked into a cleaning contract, so that’s a different proposition. Anyway, in a few months you might be grateful for the help.’
And with the purchase he’d arranged today she might also reconsider.
She pondered his statement as she cut into her steak. ‘You may be right. It’s not easy work, but it pays the bills. Losing their hours here may cause hardship for someone.’
‘You discuss what you’d like done with whoever comes. I’ll notify the company that you have the authority.’
‘Thank you.’
So she’d also done cleaning during her nomadic life, had not been too proud to accept domestic employment. Showed consideration for other manual workers. Every conversation gave Ethan more insight into her—thankfully without her realising how much she revealed.
‘Are you a sports fan?’ she asked. ‘I know Leon and Louise were Sydney Swans supporters and watched the games on the internet. You don’t appear to have much free time.’
‘We never missed a home game when they were here. I’m still a fully paid-up member of the club, and get to go occasionally. It wasn’t the same without them, and the Starburst Group has been growing, demanding more time. I often wind down at night watching whatever sport’s being televised. Clears the mind.’
He asked which countries she’d been to as they ate fruit and ice cream for dessert. She revealed that she’d become fluent in Spanish, Italian and French, got by in other languages, and considered it no big deal. His Spanish was basic, so to him it was an enviable achievement.
He made hot drinks while she stacked the dishwasher.
Alina struggled to keep awake during the short late newscast. Had to stop herself from falling against his shoulder and nodding off.
‘Do you mind if I go to bed? I’m not usually so tired... It has to be the change of environment or the pregnancy, so hopefully it won’t last long.’
‘We’ll check if you need extra vitamins on Monday. You go and rest.’
‘Thank you.’
Admitting her failure at clothes shopping when he’d been so complimentary about her meal seemed a backward move. She’d try again tomorrow.
She had no idea that her disappointment showed in her face, but Ethan noticed, and couldn’t resist drawing her into his arms for comfort.
‘Dinner was delicious, Alina. I know this isn’t easy for you, but I promise we’ll work out any problems that arise. Tell me if anything bothers you and I’ll try to put it right.’
Her eyes were bright as she accepted his vow, and without conscious effort he bent his head to kiss her, moving his lips softly over her mouth. He felt a slight movement in her lips, heard a muted sound from her throat. Reluctantly raising his head, he encountered bemusement tinged with sadness.
He relaxed his hold, stepped back and tried to keep his voice stable. ‘Sleep well, Alina. I should be home earlier tomorrow.’
Watching her go, he cursed himself for his lack of restraint. Tonight they’d really begun to connect, and he feared she might rebuild her barriers overnight. He cursed his parents for the hang-ups that governed his thinking, tainted his ability to feel deep emotion with others apart from Louise and Leon.
His short, raw, ironic laugh was spontaneous. Those two had had no qualms about showing their love—privately or in public. Eye contact, touching, kissing—all had been as natural to them as breathing. He’d never, ever seen either of his parents show any tenderness for each other, never seen a sympathetic gesture like the one Alina had given him tonight.
Not wanting to dwell on why kissing Alina made him feel less alone, he reasoned doing it when they could be seen would substantiate their story of a short and overwhelming passion. But it had to be believable—from both of them. No holding back, no tension. He was a grown man, well able to curb any sexual urges.
* * *
Today had been better. Alina placed her special purchases on the coffee table before carrying the other bags into her bedroom. She’d still avoided high-fashion boutiques and exclusive salons, but with her more positive attitude she’d had some success.
In a big department store she’d found two summer dresses and a lightweight jacket to go with either of them on cooler days. The shoes and bag she’d bought also went with both.
