the usual bullshit. Life.’ I grinned. ‘But, about those memories, it wasn’t about the costumes or even the jewellery. It was about spending time with Mum, I guess. She was a happy person and she liked making people feel good.’
If Thea recognised the subject change for what it was—avoidance—she gave no sign. ‘You like making people feel good too,’ she pointed out.
She wasn’t wrong. I did like making people feel good—just as long as I wasn’t ultimately responsible for them.
‘It’s a shit job, but someone has to do it,’ I said, turning it into a joke and shrugging.
But Thea didn’t smile. ‘You’re lucky to have had those times with your mother. And to be able to remember that.’
I’d never thought it was lucky. Not when those memories only reminded me of what I’d lost. Then again, Thea had never had the memories of a mother at all, had she?
‘Yeah, I suppose I was lucky,’ I said slowly, something heavy shifting in my chest. ‘Funny how it’s always the bad stuff that sticks in your head.’
‘It always is.’ Another smile flickered over her face, brief and fleeting, but there. ‘What about your father? Do you remember him?’
I could hear the hungry note in her voice and I found myself cradling the back of her head in my palm, my thumb stroking up and down the silky skin of her neck, as if my touch could ease that hunger.
Christ, I didn’t know why I wanted to do that for her, share these memories with her, not when I preferred all my interactions with women to be on the surface or not at all. But she was getting something out of this, so what the hell?
‘I never knew my dad,’ I said. ‘Mum never told me who he was.’
‘But you have a little sister?’
‘Yeah. She’s technically my half-sister since she’s the result of a one-night stand Mum had when I was about five.’
‘And does she live here in Hong Kong?’
‘No, she’s in London.’ Another change of subject seemed like a good idea, so I went with it. ‘What about you? You have a boyfriend or something anywhere that I should know about? Because if you do you really should have told me way before this.’
Thea looked away, her lashes sweeping down and veiling her gaze. ‘No. I don’t have a boyfriend.’
‘Well, not one you’ve slept with, I guess.’
‘I don’t have one at all.’ Her voice was steady and calm, and if I hadn’t been listening I wouldn’t have heard the edge in it. ‘I’ve never had one.’
‘Never?’ I asked, surprised despite myself.
‘Mr Chen was very clear. We couldn’t have...attachments. It was too risky for the business.’
Shit, that sounded terrible. Especially for a passionate woman like her.
‘Even friends?’ Part of me didn’t want to ask because I had a feeling I already knew the answer. ‘Anyone at all?’
She didn’t look at me, her gaze on my chest. ‘Not really. I had a pet once. A bird. But he sang too loudly and it drew attention. Mr Chen didn’t like attention.’
Christ. My past was pretty crap, but at least I’d had Morgan, Ulysses and Everett. But poor Thea had had no one. No one at all.
No wonder she’s hungry. She needs contact.
I kept on stroking her, her skin warm beneath my fingers. ‘And since his death?’
Her shoulder lifted. ‘I had to protect his legacy and he was very clear how it had to be done. I’ve never been caught and there’s a reason for that.’ She paused, then added, ‘I never thought I was lonely. Not until...’ She stopped again, clearly reluctant.
The heavy thing in my chest shifted, and even though I knew what was coming and dreaded it I put a finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up so I could see her face anyway. ‘Until?’
Her gaze was very dark. ‘Until I met you.’
That latent protectiveness inside me tightened and I wanted to shove it away hard, pretend it didn’t exist. Because I didn’t want vulnerability. I didn’t want her to look at me the way she was looking at me right now, as if I could give her what she needed, because I couldn’t.
But I couldn’t ignore what she’d said either. Or at least, I could, but that would hurt her and I didn’t want to hurt her. So I tried some distraction instead, stroking her with my other hand, my fingers finding the little knots of tension at the nape of her neck and massaging gently. ‘I’m sorry, Sugar. That can’t have been easy.’
She leaned back, arching her neck, her eyes half-closed once more, clearly enjoying my touch. ‘No, it wasn’t. What about your sister, then? Tell me about her.’
It was a change of subject I was more than ready to let her have, even though I didn’t particularly want to talk about my sister.
‘Morgan?’ I said. ‘She’s about five or so years younger than me and probably ten times smarter. She manages Black and White’s PR, and somehow also manages to keep Ulysses in line, which requires some massive fucking patience.’
Thea’s mouth softened and her lashes lifted slightly, the darkness of her eyes gleaming from underneath them. ‘You care about her, don’t you?’
The question caught me off-guard and the words slipped before I could stop them. ‘She’s my sister,’ I said simply. ‘I’d move heaven and earth for her if I could.’
And yet you haven’t been to London in years. You haven’t seen her since you sent her away.
Yeah, because it was easier to be here in Hong Kong, away from her. Where she wasn’t in my face, asking me questions I didn’t want to answer, reminding me of a responsibility I never asked for and didn’t want.
‘She’s lucky to have you for a brother,’ Thea said and there was a huskiness to her tone, the faint edge of longing.
I wanted to tell her that Morgan was far from lucky to have me for a brother. That I’d had to make some shitty choices and those choices had ended up hurting her, no matter how many times I’d smiled at her, hoping to make the bad things go away.
That caring about people was nothing but a god damned burden and I didn’t want it any more.
But I didn’t tell Thea any of that.
Instead, I smiled the same empty smile that I knew she could see right through, because that was all I knew how to do when it came to handling this type of bullshit.
Her gaze narrowed slightly, but all she said was, ‘You must be looking forward to seeing her, then.’
‘What? For the non-profit launch?’ I tried to stay relaxed, tried not to tense up at the thought of having to face Morgan in the flesh after so long. Going to London hadn’t been my choice but there was
