you that I want you, anyway? That, contrary to what your ridiculously low self-esteem might tell you, I did not marry you because you were a “brood mare”? I married you because I loved you. I still do.’
‘Don’t.’ The word came out in a low moan of pain. ‘Please don’t make this even harder.’
‘I’ll make it as hard as it damned well needs to be. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make you see sense.’
‘I am being sensible,’ she said stubbornly.
‘No, you’re not. Listen to me, Lex. Yes, I wanted a baby with you—I can’t deny that. But maybe there’s still a chance we can. We can get a second opinion. We can have access to the best doctors in the world—’
‘No.’ And maybe the certainty in her voice made him realise that she was serious because suddenly he tensed. She hugged her arms around her bikini-clad body but beneath it she was still shivering. ‘Don’t you realise that this is something your money can’t buy, or fix? I can’t have your baby, Xenon—that’s the beginning and the end of it—and because of that, we have no future together.’
His body was tense now; his face dark and brooding. ‘So I don’t get any say in this?’
She shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Do you love me?’
Lexi hesitated. Say no, she urged herself. Tell him that all your love has gone—worn out and washed away. But as she looked into his blue eyes she knew she couldn’t lie. Her body might have failed him, but her heart would always be true. ‘I’ll always love you,’ she said. ‘And it’s because of that that I’m setting you free.’
‘How very magnanimous of you,’ he said. ‘You castigate me for being a control freak and now you’re telling me it’s over without considering any other option.’
‘Because there is no other option!’
‘Oh, but there is. It’s just one that neither of us has considered until now.’
‘And that is?’
‘That is that we don’t go down the baby route. We’ll forget about a family—’
‘Xenon—’
‘Plenty of couples have decent and fulfilled lives without children. If you want—if you want—we can think about adoption some time in the future. Or we can just enjoy our niece and the children my cousins will one day have. The children that your own brothers might have. Because I love you, too, Lex—and that love is unconditional. I want you—just you—and whatever comes with having you is all right by me.’
His words were soft with conviction and Lex’s heart sang with hope as for a moment she allowed herself to dream for one unbearably beautiful moment. Only this wasn’t a dream. It was real. Xenon loved her and she could have his love. She could live with him for the rest of her life. Lexi and Xenon.
But the shadow of reality darkened her thoughts, because how long before their love was spoiled by the nagging recognition of what they were missing? Wouldn’t the day come when Xenon would look around and realise he wanted a child, no matter what he said now? Mightn’t he decide that he’d made the wrong decision and find himself a fertile woman who could give him his heart’s desire? She doubted that people would blame him if he did that.
Her voice was tight—mainly because her heart was beating so fast that she could barely speak. ‘My mind is made up,’ she said. ‘And you aren’t going to be able to change it. I can’t do it, Xenon. You can’t see it now, but one day you’re going to thank me for this.’
‘Thank you?’ he echoed, his voice harsh and bitter as his cobalt gaze sliced through her.
She fought to keep her thoughts in order, to push away her own pain and to convince him that this was the only way. ‘Yes. Because you love family,’ she said simply. ‘Even your one foray into the world of film-making involved fatherhood. You once told me that your biggest desire was to become a father yourself, and I can’t take that desire away from you, Xenon. I just can’t do it.’
He was trembling as he caught hold of her. His hands gripped her arms and Lexi could feel herself trembling, too. His eyes were blazing blue fire and his skin seemed to stretch tightly over his tense face. For one split second she thought he might be about to kiss her. And if he did—if he did—then wouldn’t she inevitably come round to his way of thinking? Wouldn’t she weaken enough to let him convince her that their love was enough to sustain them, and they could forgo the family he had always yearned for?
But he didn’t kiss her. The look he subjected her to must have lasted only a total of ten seconds but afterwards she was left feeling as if a cold wind had whipped through her.
He let her go and she stumbled off to the bathroom, loudly locking the door behind her to make sure he heard. Terrified that he would come in and realise that her resolve was far less determined than her words would have him believe.
She still had the christening to get through. She still had to put on the lovely dress she’d packed specially, and do her hair, and make like it mattered. And even though nothing seemed to matter other than that the final curtain had come down on her marriage, Lexi knew that this day was important to Kyra and her family.
But she was sick with nerves as she emerged from the bathroom to find Xenon already dressed in a light linen suit, his face dark and unwelcoming. She wanted to say something—anything—which would make him understand that this was all for the best. She even tried to smile. ‘Xenon—’
‘Not now, Lexi,’ he iced out. ‘I’ve had about as much from you as I can tolerate this morning.’
And he slammed out of the villa.
She felt like a fraud as she slipped the dress on over her head, practising a happy smile in the mirror even though inside her heart felt as if it were breaking. Just before eleven, she walked outside, where the car was waiting to take them to the small church in Lindos where the ceremony was to be held.
Marina was just about to get in and she nodded approvingly as she assessed Lexi’s outfit.
‘You look very beautiful, my dear. Xenon has already gone down to the church and he is waiting for us there.’
He’s not waiting for me, thought Lexi grimly as the car pulled away, with the bright Greek sunlight bouncing off its polished livery.
The chapel was very old and so tiny that there was room for only twenty people, with the rest standing outside clustered beneath a canopy of olive trees which provided welcome shade.
Lexi was taken aback by the size of the crowd there. Not only was there a giant contingent of the extended Kanellis clan, but plenty of locals and tourists had also turned out to watch. There were cousins, uncles and aunts who seemed disproportionately pleased to see her again—but the only things Lexi could focus on were the forbidding features and piercing blue eyes of her husband.
She had to swallow the stupid sob which was rearing up in her throat, like one of those jungle snakes you sometimes saw on television documentaries.
Xenon stepped forward to usher her inside and she shot him an anxious look. ‘I’ll wait outside. Your mother says the church is only tiny.’
‘You
