the sound of his forbidding tone. She told herself it was probably too late. Of course it was too late.
He was standing in the sumptuous main reception area—all glowing shades of gold and claret. Tulips the colour of burgundy added to the almost medieval feel of the room and, in complete contrast, Xenon added a note of dark formality. He was wearing a black tuxedo and the exquisite suit made Lexi feel like the hired help in her jeans and T-shirt.
But his blue eyes were cold and he made a rather ostentatious show of glancing at his wristwatch. ‘You have half an hour before I’m due at a reception downtown,’ he said. ‘So you’d better get a move on.’
Suddenly she didn’t know where to begin. She wondered if she’d pushed him too far.
‘Jason came to see me.’
‘I thought he might once the harvest was over.’
She sucked in her lips. ‘He told me what happened.’
‘Anything in particular?’ he enquired unhelpfully. ‘How good the grape yield was? How he seems to have fallen for one of the local women?’
‘He told me that he didn’t come to you, asking for your help,’ she whispered. ‘That you went and found him out and offered it and I was wondering...’ She cleared her throat. ‘I was wondering just why you did that.’
But if she was hoping for a softening of his obdurate features, she was in for a disappointment because the only reaction she got was the contemptuous curve of his lips.
‘I think we both know exactly why I did it, Lexi. I wanted a legitimate way back into your life. I wanted to give our relationship one last go. Which I did. And I found out what I needed to know. It’s over. We’re over—we both know that. So why are you here?’
She wanted to curl up and die because the expression in his eyes was so cold. She’d never seen him look like that before and she felt the chill whisper of foreboding.
‘Because...’ She sucked in a deep breath. ‘Because finding that out...discovering that it wasn’t just some random act that brought you back into my life, well, that made a difference. It made me realise how important our marriage was to you. It made me examine what I was doing. It made me realise what I was about to throw away.’
He shook his dark head, tugging at his black bow tie as if he was impatient to be away. ‘You’re just focusing on a detail,’ he said. ‘Not on what is important. And what’s important is that you don’t want to make a life with me on any terms—you told me that yourself. But it’s okay. I’ll survive, Lex. We’ll both survive.’
‘But I don’t know if I will.’ Her voice sounded as light as a feather. ‘Because surviving doesn’t sound like a good way to live. Not when I consider the alternative. I meant it when I said that I love you, Xenon—I’ve never really stopped, even though I’ve tried hard enough. If you want the truth—my life has been...well, awful without you. And if you’re prepared—I mean, really prepared—to accept a marriage without children, then you only have to say the word. Just say the word, my darling, and I’ll be back in your arms so quick you won’t even have time to blink.’
His mouth tightened as he looked at her and she was aware of the ice which had hardened his cobalt eyes. ‘Get out,’ he said and turned his back on her as if he found the view outside the window infinitely more alluring.
Lexi stared in disbelief at the forbidding set of his shoulders, at the coiled tension in his tuxedoed body, which was contrasted against the busy rush of Wilshire Boulevard.
‘You don’t mean that,’ she whispered, her heart pounding with fear.
‘Oh, but I do,’ he said grimly. ‘You think I’m your puppet, do you, Lex? That if you keep me dangling long enough I’ll dance exactly to your tune? Well, you had your chance and you blew it. Sorry.’
Lexi felt the tears begin to well up in her eyes. Hot, salty tears which mocked her and told her that she’d left it too late. Xenon didn’t want her any more and it really was over. For a split second she thought about turning and fleeing from the room and this terrible pain which was tearing at her heart. But she was through with running away and, besides, something about the way he spoke jarred. And not just in the way he spoke, but in the way he was holding himself, with his fists clenched and his shoulders now hunched. He looked like a man who was doing battle. Who was trying to fight something in himself.
She swallowed down the tears and tried to keep her voice steady. ‘I love you,’ she said. ‘And that’s the only thing which seems to make sense right now.’ She saw him tense and now she couldn’t seem to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. ‘I love you and I will never stop loving you, but I will go if you want me to.’
‘Good.’
‘But only if you turn around and tell me to my face.’
For a moment she thought he was just going to ignore her request and that she would be left standing there, like a fool. Then he gave a small snarl, like a wounded animal, and when he turned around she could see that his face was ravaged with pain.
He stared at her and she waited. Waited for him to say the words she prayed wouldn’t come. But the words he said were the ones she was least expecting.
‘You’re crying,’ he observed.
The stifled tears now became ugly gulps. ‘Of course I’m crying!’
‘But you never cry, Lex,’ he said and she could hear the note of surprise in his voice.
No, she never cried. Not all through those long nights when she’d lain awake to protect Jason and Jake, flinching with terror when she heard the drunks crashing around in the corridors outside their hostel room. Nor even during those times when she’d been coping with the miscarriages, when her dreams had been shattered. She’d been too scared to cry, for fear that once she started she might never stop.
‘What else am I going to do, when the man I love doesn’t want me?’
Xenon’s jaw tightened. He saw how tired her eyes looked, magnified behind her glasses. He saw the tracks of her tears, the creased jeans and a T-shirt which looked as if it had been slept in. And in that moment he loved her so completely and so powerfully that it took his breath away.
‘Oh, but he does,’ he said softly. ‘He wants you very much, but only if you promise never to leave him again, because that he really couldn’t bear.’
There was a moment before she said anything because her throat was so choked with emotion that she wondered if she’d ever be able to speak again. And when she did, the words burst from her lips, like water from a dam—strong and straight and true. ‘Oh, Xenon, I’ll never leave you. Never, never, never.’ There was a pause as she saw the blue glitter of his own tears. ‘Because I love you. Oh, I love you so much.’
‘Then you’d better come right over here and let me kiss you,’ he said unsteadily. ‘Because I don’t think I can wait much longer.’
Her legs felt shaky. It was like walking in shoes a size too small, but somehow Lexi made it across the sumptuous carpet and into Xenon’s arms, her body shaking. He pulled a handkerchief from his suit jacket and removed her glasses, tenderly wiping her face dry before replacing them.
And
