had made what had come next even more devastating.
‘So what …?’
‘I couldn’t … do IVF any more,’ Em whispered.
Silence.
Ruby seemed soundly asleep. She was still holding the girl’s hand. She could feel the strength of Ruby’s heartbeat, and the monitors around her told her Ruby’s baby was doing fine, as well. The world went on, she thought bleakly, remembering coming out of hospital after losing Josh, seeing all those mums, all those babies …
‘Earth to Em,’ Sophia said gently at last, and Em hauled herself together and gave her a bleak little smile.
‘I wanted a family,’ she whispered. ‘I think … I was a bit manic after the loss but I was suddenly desperate. Maybe it was an obsession, I don’t know, but I told Oliver I wanted to adopt, whatever the cost. And in the end, the cost was him.’
‘He didn’t want to adopt?’
‘He’s adopted himself. It wasn’t happy, and he wouldn’t concede there was another side. He wouldn’t risk adoption because he didn’t think he could love an adopted kid. And I wasn’t prepared to give, either. We were two implacable forces, and there was nowhere to go but to turn away from each other. So there you have it, Sophia. No baby, no marriage. Can I ask you not to talk about it?’
‘You don’t have to ask,’ Sophia said roundly. ‘Of course I won’t. But this hospital … the walls have ears and what it doesn’t know it makes up. Now everyone knows you were married …’
‘It’ll be a one-day wonder,’ Em told her, and then Ruby stirred faintly and her eyes flickered open.
‘Well, hi,’ Em said, her attention totally now on Ruby. ‘Welcome to the other side, Ruby, love. The operation was a complete success. Now all we need to do is let you sleep and let your baby sleep until we’re sure you’re settled into nice, normal pregnancy again.’
SATURDAY.
Oliver did a morning ward round, walked into Ruby’s room—and found Em there.
According to his calculations—and he’d made a few—Em should be off duty. Why was she sitting by Ruby’s bedside?
She was darning … a sock?
Both women looked up as he walked in and both women smiled.
‘Hey,’ Ruby said. ‘Is it true? Were you two married?’
‘How …?’ Em gasped.
‘I just heard,’ Ruby said blithely. ‘It’s true, isn’t it?’
Em bundled up her needlework and rose—fast. ‘Yes,’ she managed. ‘But it was a long time ago. Sorry, Oliver, I’ll be out of your way.’
‘Why are you here?’ Damn, that had sounded accusatory and he hadn’t meant to be.
‘I’m off duty but Ruby’s teaching me how to darn.’
‘That’s … important?’
‘It is, as a matter of fact,’ she said, tossing him a look that might well be described as a glower. And also a warning to keep things light. ‘The whole world seems to toss socks away as soon as they get holes. Ruby and I are doing our bit to prevent landfill.’
‘Good for you.’ He still sounded stiff but he couldn’t help it. ‘Are you going home now?’
‘Yes.’
‘So why did you two split?’ Ruby was under orders for complete bed rest but she was recovering fast, the bed rest was more for her baby’s sake than for hers, and she was obviously aching for diversion.
‘Incompatibility,’ Em said, trying for lightness, stooping to give Ruby a swift kiss. ‘He used to pinch all the bedcovers. He’s a huncher—you know the type? He hunches all the covers round him and then rolls in his sleep. I even tried pinning the covers to my side of the bed but I was left with ripped covers and a doomed marriage. I’ll pop in tomorrow, Ruby, but meanwhile is there anything you need?’
‘More socks?’ Ruby said shyly, and Em grinned.
‘Ask Dr Evans. I’ll bet he has a drawer full. I need to go, Ruby, love. Byee.’
And she was gone.
It had been an informal visit. She’d been wearing jeans and a colourful shirt and her hair was down. She had so much to do at home—he knew she did.
Why was she here on a day off?
Because she cared?
She couldn’t stop caring. That had been one of the things he’d loved about her.
He still loved?
‘You’re still dotty about her,’ Ruby said, and he realised he’d been staring at the corridor where she’d disappeared.
‘Um … no. Just thinking I’ve never walked in on a darning lesson before. How’s bub?’
‘Still kicking.’
‘Not too hard?’
‘N-no.’ And once again he copped that zing of fear.
This was why Em had ‘popped in’, he thought. This kid was far too alone.
That was Em. She carried her heart on her sleeve.
If it was up to Em they would have adopted, he thought, and, despite the things he’d said to her after Josh had died, he was beginning to accept she was capable of it. It? Of loving a child who wasn’t her own. The way she’d held Gretta … The way she’d laughed at Toby … Okay, Em was as different from his adoptive mother as it was possible to be, and it had been cruel of him to suggest otherwise.
It had taken him a huge leap of faith to accept that he’d loved Em. Even though he’d supported her through IVF, even though he’d been overjoyed when she’d finally conceived, when Josh had died …
Had a small part of him been relieved? Had a part of him thought he could never extend his heart to all comers?
He would have loved Josh. He did. The morning when they’d sat looking down at the promise that had been their little son had been one of the worst of his life. But the pain that had gone with it … the pain of watching Em’s face …
And then for Em to say let’s adopt, let’s put ourselves up for this kind of pain again for a child he didn’t know …
‘Let’s check your tummy,’ he told Ruby, but she was still watching him.
‘You are still sweet on her.’
‘She’s
