hadn’t really ever expected to end up a single mother. Before the phone call from her GP she had assumed she would have to adopt in order to have a family and adopting in South Australia meant she needed a partner. She had assumed she would need to find a man.
But now she had the opportunity she’d been wanting—the chance to be a mother. A month ago she would have leapt at the chance, any chance, to hold a baby of her own in her arms, so why did she now want more? She knew she could manage on her own. She knew she didn’t need a partner. The trouble was, this wasn’t about what she needed. It was about what she wanted.
So she was getting what she’d always wanted, except now she wanted more. She wanted Seb too.
Although she knew she should be content with what was in store for her, it was hard when her heart ached constantly for what was missing from her life. She had traded one heartache for another. Why couldn’t she have it all?
She stood up. She needed to get moving. Procrastination never solved anything.
She was staring at the clothes in her wardrobe, wondering where to start, when she was interrupted by a knock on the door.
She opened the door and burst into tears.
Seb was standing on the other side.
‘Luci, what on earth’s the matter?’ he asked as he stepped across the threshold. He opened his arms and gathered her up, holding her close.
She let him comfort her. She was right where she wanted to be. If only she could just stay here, maybe everything would turn out as she hoped.
She cried into his shoulder and sniffed as she said, ‘Nothing, I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.’ Plus I’m an emotional wreck and I’m carrying your baby. But that was not the way to deliver her news.
‘Are you unwell?’
He stepped back, releasing her from his arms but not letting go completely. It felt good to have her in his arms again but he’d needed to see her. He’d needed to make sure she was okay. She looked like she had lost weight and her blue-grey eyes were filled with tears, but otherwise she looked fantastic. Her skin glowed and she looked perfectly healthy.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I’m fine. I’m glad you’re here.’
‘Are you sure? You don’t look happy to see me.’
She laughed and Seb breathed a sigh of relief. She sounded like the Luci he loved, full of laughter and happiness even if she had just been sobbing in his arms.
‘Of course I am. I’ve missed you.’
Good. That cheered him up. Perhaps things would turn out in his favour. ‘I’ve missed you too.’
She was looking up at him. Her eyes were shining and her pink lips were slightly parted, like an opening rosebud. He had come here to talk to her, to beg her for another chance, but he couldn’t resist. He bent his head and kissed her.
She sighed gently and leaned into him and he felt her arms loop around his neck as she kissed him back. Soft and supple in his arms, he could feel his soul being restored as he held her. She tasted like heaven and he wished he could stay like this for eternity.
But he needed to find out if that was possible.
‘Luci,’ he sighed as he pulled away. He kept a finger under her chin, keeping her face tilted up at him. ‘I need to talk to you.’
‘Oh.’ Something flashed behind her eyes. Was it disappointment?
He took her hand and led her to the couch. The place was spotless and its tidiness served to remind him that his time was limited. If he didn’t get this problem resolved tonight, it would be too late. She would be gone.
He kept hold of her hand as they sat, making her sit close to him.
‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘Is something wrong?’
Seb nodded. ‘Yes. I’ve made a mistake. A big one. But I’m hoping it’s not too late to fix it. I’ve discovered a pattern.’
‘A pattern?’
‘It’s a problem I have,’ he told her, ‘where I can’t seem to work out I want something until it’s gone. But I’m hoping this time I haven’t left it too late.’
‘I’m not following you. Left what too late?’
‘Us. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to let you go.’ He picked up her other hand, holding them both, keeping her close. ‘You have brought light back into my life. A purpose. An energy. A reason to look forward to the day. I didn’t know what my life was lacking until you came into it. I thought I was okay on my own. Happy even. But I was kidding myself. I was surviving. I wasn’t living and I definitely wasn’t happy.
‘I’ve missed you,’ he said honestly. ‘I look for you, I listen for you. I want to hear your laugh, I want to see your smile. I want to be the one who makes you smile. I don’t want you to leave. I came here tonight to ask if you would consider staying in Sydney. With me. I want to see if we can make something of this thing between us. Before it’s too late.’
He very rarely spoke about his feelings and he certainly hadn’t bared as much of his soul in the past three years but it didn’t seem to make any difference. Luci was shaking her head. ‘It is too late. I’m going home.’
‘Back to Vickers Hill?’
She nodded.
Seb’s heart plummeted like a stone and settled heavily and morosely in his abdomen. He was losing her. ‘I thought you’d decided that wasn’t the place for you.’
‘My circumstances have changed.’
How much could have changed in two weeks? Did she feel nothing for him?
‘Have you met someone else?’ Surely she couldn’t have moved on that quickly? He didn’t want to think of her with other men. He didn’t want to imagine her searching for someone else to share her dream. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t she choose him?
‘No, of course not. This is a practical decision. A financial one. I can’t afford to start again.’
Despite the flicker of hope that had come to life as soon as Seb had started talking, Luci had other things to consider now. Another person to consider. She couldn’t allow herself to get carried away until she was sure of Seb’s feelings. Vickers Hill had been good enough for her growing up, it was a good place to raise a family and she would have support there. All the things she had hated at times about a small country town were now the reasons she was moving back. She knew people would rally around her. If she was going to be a single mother she wanted to do it somewhere familiar. Somewhere safe. ‘This is the next stage of my journey.’
‘Can you take that next stage with me?’
She shook her head, still determined not to jump head first too soon. ‘You know I can’t. You know what I want. Being a mother is something I’ve always wanted. If I have to choose between having a family and having you, I will choose children. I’m sorry. I wish I could have both but that’s
