fine—I get it. We’re oil and water, aren’t we? We’ve never really been able to mix.”
“I guess we are. So one more big battle and then you can go back to your life,” she said.
“That’s right. Back to California and training,” he said. “Unless you want to try again?”
“Try again?” she asked, but he heard in her voice that she wasn’t going to accept it. Perhaps it was his words spoken in anger but resonating still in her mind. And he understood that, because he knew he couldn’t shake what she’d said.
He was a distraction. Distractions weren’t welcome. God, how many times was he going to have to learn that?
“As a couple,” he said, offering her an olive branch.
She shook her head. “I care about you, Carter, but it hurts too much to try to find a place for myself in your life.”
“I could make room.” For her he’d do it. Change whatever he had to.
“You’d resent me,” she said. “I’d probably resent myself, too. I can’t ask you to do that. Today as I was coming down the mountain I realized that I couldn’t separate my skiing from my life, and I know it’s the same for you and snowboarding.”
Gazing down at her, he exhaled slowly and then trailed a finger down her cheek. “I guess I’m still just a distraction after all,” he said. He knew he should tell her that he loved her. More than anything, he wanted to, but the words were stuck in the back of his throat. Fear was riding him hard, and he suddenly realized that he’d never felt afraid before because he’d never really had anyone that he didn’t want to lose.
“You were never just that,” she replied, stepping back. Then she took her skis and walked away.
He let her go, knowing that there was still unfinished business between them.
* * *
LINDSEY’S TEAM WAS in the best shape they’d been in since they’d started training. Lane Scott, the disabled American vet who was skiing on their team, was funny and inspiring. He was in his late twenties, maybe early thirties, and from his attitude it was hard to guess he’d lost both his lower legs to an IED in Afghanistan.
“I’m not sure that Tim should go before me. He’s always flirting with the ladies and then they might miss my run,” Lane said.
Tim, the fifty-five-year-old balding executive from one of the Park City resorts, just smiled over at them. “He’s jealous.”
“We all are,” Bradley said. “But I agree with Lane. You should take the run after his and then we’ll wrap it up with Lindsey. Carter’s team been talking smack about beating our team, especially my wife, so I want to see them lose.”
Lindsey hadn’t realized how competitive Elizabeth was until the competition had gotten closer. At their daily breakfasts she’d listened to all sorts of good-natured ribbing from her friend. And to be honest, Lindsey had just been glad that Elizabeth hadn’t brought up the argument with Carter. She’d asked one time if Lindsey wanted to talk and then let the subject drop when she had declined.
“Okay. Bradley, do you want to liaise with the other team and make sure we have all of our pairings in order?” Lindsey asked. “I’ll be at the bottom when you come off your run and will radio up any changes in the slope to you guys at the top. That way you’ll have up-to-date information before you take your run.”
Everyone nodded. “Let’s take our practice runs and do it like we will tomorrow. Since our regular guy isn’t here today to man the radio at the top we will all take turns.”
“I can’t wait,” Tim said. “My kids are going to be here tomorrow. My son got everyone in his school to donate.”
“I’m really excited about the way the entire community has gotten behind us. I saw the poster in FreshSno, Bradley, that your graphic artists designed.”
“Thanks. Those kids are awesome. Hard to believe they were wasting their talents painting graffiti on buildings.”
Lindsey had heard about the kids Bradley had taken under his wing and turned from a life of punishable offenses into lucrative artistic careers. Speaking of changes... She’d given her notice at the resort, and at the end of the ski season, she’d be going back to training full-time. Her coach had wanted her to start right away, but she’d wanted to honor her commitment to the resort first. They’d given her a safe place to recover and now she wanted to pay them back with a win.
Plus, concentrating on winning had given her something to pour all of her emotions into over the past weeks. Never having been in love before, she’d had no idea how much it could hurt to care so deeply for Carter and know he was forever out of her reach. She missed him. He’d kept his distance since she’d walked away from him.
She didn’t blame him for that. Because, in all honesty, she’d done the same thing. And it was easier to not see him than to catch small glimpses and be reminded that he wasn’t hers anymore. Not that he ever really had been.
But she knew for a short while she’d had a good time pretending he could be hers. She had a selfie of the two of them on her phone from the day they’d gone diving in the crater, and she looked at it way too often. She’d almost deleted it but had been unable to because she wanted these small connections to him.
A part of her was tempted to go to him, to force him to see her because she knew that physically they still had that bond. But she had decided she wanted more from him than that. She knew if it was just sex, that bond would fade over time.
But it wasn’t just sex. At least not where she was concerned.
But it was hard. She wanted to call and talk to her mother about it, but really, what would she say? Finally, she had a problem that had nothing to do with skiing. Even the joy she found at being able to ski wasn’t enough to dull the ache left by Carter’s absence in her life.
“Skier number one is in position.”
The voice over the radio was deep and rich, and for a second she hoped it was Carter but then recognized it as TJ, one of the mountain patrol guys volunteering as a helper for their team on his day off.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Go.”
She hit the button on her stopwatch and waited for Georgina to complete her run, but her mind wasn’t on winning. It was on the feeling that dominated her thoughts whenever she was awake anymore. Where was Carter?
What was he doing?
Could she ever make him realize that he wasn’t distracting her from her problems, but helping her to solve them? Because she knew that he had. Without Carter’s quiet, steadfast support—taking her to places that weren’t familiar, pushing her and challenging her at every turn, encouraging her to find her feet again—she would never have taken that run. And she just wanted one more chance to tell him that.
If she could get back on skis after that horrible crash, then why couldn’t she do the same in their relationship? She’d been wrong to give in to her fears, and she wanted him back.
Now she knew she had to go and get
