“It’s ironic that it was me wanting to keep my professional life away from you that caused this. I’ve never had someone in my life that I’ve shared so much with before.”
“Me, either,” she said in that quiet way of hers.
“Can we start again?” he asked. “Third time might be the charm for us.”
“How do you figure we had three times?”
“Seventeen, when I was a jerk. New Year’s Eve, when you were...well, fabulous. And now this time when we are both ready.”
“Okay,” she said. “How about we grab dinner and talk?”
“I was hoping for something more physical.”
“Sex?” she asked.
The way she said it let him know that if he said yes, it wouldn’t be his smartest move.
“Not right now. I know a nice place where we can do some snowshoeing. It’s not too far from here and might be perfect for tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because we can forget about all the fears that are making a relationship such a struggle for us.”
“Sounds perfect. Where is it?”
He pulled out his smartphone and glanced at the screen. “Not too far from here. One of these places groomed by the Mountain Trails Foundation. Ever heard of it?”
She took the phone from him and studied the screen, and he almost felt as if they might be okay. But he’d never had anyone in his life he feared losing the way he did with Lindsey. She was more than a lover.
That was hard for him to admit, but he knew it was the truth.
“I haven’t. But it sounds like fun.”
Suddenly his stomach growled. “Have you arranged for dinner?” he asked.
“I have a pizza on the way,” she said, leading the way into her kitchen.
She got out drinks for them while he called to make an appointment. “Can you go tomorrow night?”
“I can,” she said.
He finished the arrangements and the pizza arrived. They sat at her table eating and he realized that she wasn’t talking. That maybe just because he’d thought everything was okay, it wasn’t.
“Tell me about your lessons,” he said. “I had planned to make the last one but then the shooting ran over.”
Her eyes lit up. “That class was awesome. Some of the kids were getting restless—you know they are more advanced than some of my other ones—so I decided to take them on a run.”
“You did? Which one?”
She gave him a smile that cut him all the way to his soul. So much joy and pride in her look that he knew he was falling for her. That her joy could be his was the first indication. But it wasn’t the only one. How he’d planned to stay here until he could get back in her good graces was another one.
“A moderate one. Not a world-class trail, but it was close, and I wasn’t scared this time. I mean, I was at the top, but once I started skiing it was like old times. I got into my stance and just sort of felt everything fade away.”
“Gorgeous, that’s great! Tomorrow morning we’re going up the mountain.”
* * *
LINDSEY LEFT A note for Carter to meet her and left early to meet Elizabeth for breakfast. They’d started the tradition when Lindsey had first started working at the resort and had kept it up even through the holidays and new relationships. Last night in the bar, she’d been so out of control with her feelings that she hadn’t really been able to talk.
They sat in the main dining room at the lodge, the Wasatch Range standing majestically in the distance. Lindsey was playing with her food more than eating it.
“I don’t think a night’s sleep has helped you,” Elizabeth said.
“It hasn’t. If anything I’m more confused now than ever,” she admitted. It was hard to talk about her feelings. She just wasn’t the kind of woman who had ever done a lot of sharing.
On the team where she’d spent most of her life, everyone had been focused on their own goals. Sure, they’d discussed good runs or new products, but they’d never really talked about their real lives. Elizabeth reached over and squeezed her hand. “What’s on your mind?”
“Stuff,” Lindsey said. “Honestly, I can’t make any sense of it. There’s a part of me that wants to believe that Carter has changed, and I’ve changed enough to give him a shot, but then there’s this other part that’s too afraid to believe it. And I’m stuck not knowing which is right.”
Elizabeth took a sip of her coffee. “I’m betting the truth is somewhere in between all of that. Maybe you are looking for an easy answer where there isn’t one. I’m far from an expert on relationships—believe me, Bradley would be the first to say that—but I have discovered that you have to be honest with yourself, with your heart. Otherwise you will be miserable.”
Lindsey took a bite of her omelet and wondered what her heart wanted. She knew she cared for Carter. She couldn’t deny it after the blind panic she’d felt the day before when she couldn’t find him. But love? She was afraid to admit to it. In her life she’d loved two things: her family and skiing.
Right now she was struggling to find her way back to skiing and felt as though she was on the right path. What she felt for Carter wasn’t really like that. She had no idea how to define it or him. She just knew that when he’d showed up at her place last night, she’d felt a sense of relief mixed with joy.
“How do you know what the heart wants?” she asked Elizabeth. If there was one woman in the world who seemed to have it all, it was her friend. She needed some guidance here. Because she’d been out of the game of love for too long.
“Only you can say. When Bradley called me, even before we were dating, I’d get really excited. I couldn’t wait to talk to him, and I pretended we were just friends and that was all I wanted, but I knew I needed more from him.”
It was different for her and Carter. She’d never felt anything toward him except for faint amusement and a little bit of irritation before New Year’s Eve. She’d needed this year to be different. Vastly different from last year, which, if she was completely honest, she could say was happening.
The problem was, as much as she wanted to change, she kept getting tripped up on the fact that she had no idea how to really handle it. How to handle Carter. Jealousy would have been easier to deal with, but the truth was that it had been more than jealousy she’d felt at those other women. Something deep inside her had been awakened and she’d wanted to claim him. To tell those girls and everyone else that he was hers.
And that was far from the truth.
“Thanks,” she said.
“I didn’t help, did I?” Elizabeth replied with a very kind smile.
