even going to pretend that his idea of being a sort-of couple could work for her anymore. He’d made it pretty plain that he wanted to sleep with her, and she liked that, but she knew that moving forward she was going to have to make sure she didn’t start thinking of him as anything other than a lover.
“It’s cool.”
He shook his head, and she could see his jaw tighten “It’s anything but cool. I was playing a game and it feels like I might have lost.”
“We both did. We were both pretending that for the past weeks we lived in some sort of world where it was just the two of us. But the truth is, you still have a pro career and you need to dedicate a certain amount of time to it.”
“I can see you’ve thought this through,” he said quietly.
He leaned against the wall, and she couldn’t keep the image from flashing through her mind of the last time he’d held her in his arms in a hallway. The way his mouth had moved over her lips, trailing hot, molten kisses down her neck before travelling slowly lower. How she’d lifted her arms above her head and stopped thinking.
That might have been dangerous.
She needed her wits to deal with Carter. To ensure she didn’t forget the truth of who he was. Of who she was. While this was fun, that was all it would ever be, and she had to remember it.
She had to stop looking for him at her ski lessons and wanting to share her little successes with him. He was already putting her in one section of his life, and she needed to stay there.
“I have thought it through. I’m starting to ski a lot more. Today the class and I went down a moderate run, and I’ve called my coach to tell him I think I’m ready to get back to training. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know I have to try skiing again.”
“What about your other commitments?” he asked. “Your job at the resort and the charity event?”
She licked her lips and tipped her head to the side. “I’m going to take a part-time role at the resort and I’m still captaining the team. Lars thinks my return to the training should help boost our team’s chances of beating yours.”
He shoved his hands through his hair and exhaled roughly. “I don’t want this to end.”
“It’s not. I’m sure there will still be moments of weakness on my part where I call you and ask you to stop by.”
“Weakness?” His eyes flicked to her face.
“Yeah, weakness. I felt so upset seeing you today with those women. I get that it’s your job and you’re going to keep on doing it...but you didn’t say anything to me about it. Didn’t mention it, even though every night I talk to you all about my students.”
“That’s different.”
“See, until today I didn’t realize that.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “To me it felt like I was building toward something. Slowly pulling my life back out of the abyss where it had fallen, but then I had a wake-up call.”
He moved closer to her and she stood her ground, not backing up or turning away, because this was too important. She’d hidden away from life when she’d lost her ability to ski, and Carter hadn’t taken anything from her, but today she’d had a glimpse of what he could take, and she simply couldn’t allow that to happen. Not again.
“What wake-up call?”
“That I’m more involved than you are,” she accused. “It made me feel silly, especially when I’d thought that something must be wrong, that you’d had an accident or something. If it had been me, I would have let you know.”
He cursed under his breath and turned away from her.
“Why are you so pissed?”
“Because you have it all wrong, Linds. I’ve been struggling this entire time to keep from letting you see how much you mean to me. How much I need you in my life.” He turned back to her, reached for her, but she recoiled.
“What the hell...?” he asked.
“I can’t think when you touch me, and I need to make sure I’m clearheaded.”
“Fine. I haven’t wanted to crowd you, and I guess that maybe I thought of today as a chance to see how much I mean to you,” he said brusquely. “I shouldn’t have done it, but I’m tired of always guessing where I stand with you.”
* * *
HE SHOULD HAVE been better prepared for this but knew he had been hoping this would all blow over. It hadn’t. And, in hindsight, it was probably for the best. This had been lurking under the surface for a while now for him. It had felt too unsettled. He knew that he was going to have leave Park City after the February event to kick off the charity to fulfill his Thunderbolt Extreme Winter Games duties, but he’d be coming back and forth for the next six months. He hadn’t known how to ask Lindsey if she still wanted to see him.
“I’m not a coward,” he said. “You’re the one who’s been afraid and hiding here. Not at the training center, but at a resort teaching little kids to ski.”
“There’s nothing wrong with what I’ve been doing. It takes time to recover from the kind of injury I had.”
He knew that. He was just being mean because she’d cut a little too close to the truth with her comment. The fact was, he was scared. Scared of having his heart broken. He’d known he was in danger ever since they’d started sleeping together. She’d known it, too. He could tell by the way she had wrapped her arms around her waist.
“I know. That was horrible, and I have no idea how long it would take me to come back. You’re sort of my hero for getting back on skis as quickly as you did,” he said, shoving his hands through his hair again. “I don’t want to fight with you, gorgeous.”
“Me, either,” she admitted. “I like you, Carter, but you’ve never really been serious about anything but snowboarding. Today, when I was searching for you, I realized how much you’ve come to mean to me.”
“How much?” he asked, staring at her intently. He had to know. And he wanted her to go first and tell him that she cared so he’d feel that much safer admitting he felt the same.
“A lot. Too much,” she whispered. “So much so, in fact, that somehow in my mind you and skiing have become intertwined. And that’s dangerous.”
He inhaled deeply. “It’s like that for me, too. But I didn’t want to admit it. I like all the time we’ve spent together and I’m scared of what will happen when I leave Park City.”
He took a step toward her, and this time she didn’t back away. And when he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to her forehead, she didn’t resist. Finally he had her where he needed her. He hugged her close and let out a small breath of relief. This was one of those little hiccoughs that couples went through. They’d get through this.
“When are you leaving?”
“Not until after our charity competition. I have other commitments that I have to fulfill...but I don’t want this to end.”
“Are
