friend, probably even too good.
Over the years, her refusal to face her grief head-on had forced her to carry some serious baggage whether she had been aware of it or not. Her grief and pain had weighed her down like concrete set about her feet, keeping her from actually experiencing life. She had become accustomed to the weight, not fully aware of the burden it had become.
She was aware of it now. Josh had carried her the whole time, bearing the brunt of it for her. She had taken advantage of him, grown accustomed to his support. Never once had he allowed her feet to touch the ground. Never once had he insinuated that she was a burden to him. He just lovingly and willingly carried her.
Like light filling a darkened room, realization dawned on her. How could she have been so foolish? How could she have been so blind? She didn’t know when it had happened, exactly, but somewhere, at some point, something had happened. It hadn’t just escalated from friendship to lust. What she felt was far more intense.
Micah had fallen in love...with Josh. Once she faced the truth of it, it was all so clear. She was in love with Josh. Maybe she had always been in love with him. The knowledge both scared her and excited her. Overwhelmed her with the sudden thought of what happened next. Now that she had this new piece of information, it would change everything. She didn’t want anything to change. Then again...maybe she did.
What was she thinking?
There was no way she could tell Josh about this newfound discovery. She would lose him for sure. He would never feel for her what she felt for him. This love had to stay hidden. Her relationship with Josh had always been enough before. It would still be enough.
There was no way she could go back to sleep now. Looking at the clock, she knew she had at least two more hours before daylight. She leaned back in the chair and pulled a blanket around her.
It was just too easy to keep looking at Josh as he slept. She felt like a creeper, but at the moment she didn’t care. Her eyes couldn’t pull away. It seemed such an intimate moment to be alone with him in the middle of the night, to see him asleep, the moonlight caressing his face.
* * *
Micah needed to find something to do if she couldn’t sleep, because staring at Josh wasn’t going to work. Trying to be as quiet as possible, she tiptoed to the bathroom.
She lowered the cover to the toilet seat and sat down and reached for a magazine. “How to Please Your Man” was plastered on the front cover. Thoughts filled her mind. Warmth crept up her neck and filled her cheeks. She placed a cold hand on her face to suppress the overwhelming heat taking over. She threw the magazine back down. Bad idea.
She reached for another, much tamer magazine. This was the longest night ever. The close proximity was killing her. Flipping off the light, she tiptoed back through the living room and toward the kitchen. Would she be able to make some tea without waking him?
She filled the teakettle with water and placed it on the burner. Then turned on the stove top and reached for a mug.
“Can’t sleep?”
She almost dropped the mug. Spinning at the sound of his voice, she could barely see him in the darkness of the kitchen. “You could warn a girl instead of sneaking up on her.”
“Not as much fun.”
Boy, did he sound good with his early-morning sleepy voice.
Focus, Micah. Focus.
“Did I wake you?”
“Yeah, but it’s no biggie.” There was that voice again. Don’t ask him any more questions.
“Sorry. I’m making some tea. Do you want some?”
“Sure.”
Josh leaned against the kitchen wall while the water boiled. Why was it that water took so long to boil?
His hair was tousled and T-shirt rumpled. It would be so easy to take two steps and stand in front of him, rest her hands at his waist and lean into him. The way he stood practically invited her to do it. She would just have to take two steps. That’s all that separated them.
She couldn’t do it, though. It would ruin everything.
The hiss of the teapot caused her to jump. She turned to reach for it at the same time he did.
“Oops. Sorry.”
“I can get it.”
Their hands brushed up against each other, their bodies so close. She looked up at him. He looked down at her. Something in his gaze was different—fiery, full of desire.
Her eyes dropped to his lips, but the moment she realized what she had done, she knew she should turn her eyes away. Look anywhere else but at him, at his lips.
She couldn’t. His tongue peeked out, quickly wetting his lips.
It happened before she even realized it was happening. She wasn’t even sure if she moved first or if he did, but somehow she found her lips against his and it felt good. It was hesitant at first, slowly building. He knew what he was doing, whereas Micah...had been out of practice for a while...a long while.
Gently he backed her up until she felt the solidity of rough brick behind her. She was trapped between a wall and an immovable man. Never before had the thought of confinement been so enticing.
A heavenly rush swept through her body as his hands traveled down her sides, gripping her hips. His kiss was demanding, bruising. The rough edges of the brick wall scratched against the delicate skin of her back as his body leaned heavily against her. His fingertips dug into her flesh as he pulled her closer to him, deepening the kiss.
The intense push and pull didn’t end with him. She gave back just as much. Her greedy hands slid under his shirt, fingers splayed on his strong, broad back. Desire caused her to sink her nails into his skin as she held on for dear life.
His large hands slid down her hips and gripped her thighs, lifting her up and setting her down on the kitchen counter. His hands remained on her thighs as she pulled him in closer to her. She arched her back, needing as much of her to touch as much of him as possible.
“Micah.” The way he spoke her name, with such reverence, such passion, stirred her deep within.
“Say it again.”
“Micah.”
She woke in a full-body sweat. Again. She pushed damp strands of hair back from her face and threw the cover off her body. Pulling herself up from the chair she had slept in, she noticed the couch across from her was vacant.
It had only been a dream.
She released the deep breath she had been holding. Thank God.
“Micah, you want any coffee?”
She padded to the kitchen in her slippers, the smell of coffee permeating the air. Josh looked just as he had in the dream. Her fingers tingled, itched to touch
