wasn’t sure what she wanted. Hell, that was a lie, he knew exactly what she wanted. “I’m not going to say I love you, Kate. I just told you I have no experience with that emotion.”
“I don’t understand how you can say that. You have dated a lot of women.”
“None of them have loved me.”
“Well, your mother did and your father, too, right? And Mitch loves you.”
Lance shrugged. The devotion his brother and he had didn’t fit into the mold of what he’d call love. It was just a bond that had been forged in the fire of their upbringing. And there was little in the world that would change that. “I don’t know. What’s between Mitch and me isn’t like you saying you love me.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because I want you to love me. That feels right to me, Kate. A part of me thinks you belong to me. Right or wrong, that’s the way I feel.”
“Belong to you?” she asked.
He nodded. What would he do if she said to get out? Not just out of her house but out of her life? He’d just told her that she was his. And she was. That was as much as he could feel for a woman.
“I like the thought of being yours, Lance. But I’m confused.”
“I can appreciate that. What would it take to clear things up for you?”
“You are still engaged to Lexi,” Kate said.
“I’m ending that, Kate. I can’t marry another woman when I’m involved with you.”
Lance realized in that moment that he’d do whatever she asked if it was in his power. He needed everything in his relationship with Kate to be resolved. It was past time for him to figure out what he wanted as a man.
And everything kept pointing to Kate.
“I guess I need some time to think about that,” she said. “I feel like I’ve been loving you forever and maybe it’s time to figure out what that really means to me—and to you.”
Lance didn’t like the sound of that. But he wasn’t about to beg for her affection. He’d heard too many fights between his parents that had gone the same way.
“I’m not going to play games with you, Kate. If you want to be with me—if you love me—then I think you can put a little effort into being with me.”
Kate crossed her arms over her chest. She looked at him and he knew he’d said the wrong thing. “I’ve been loving you for a long time, Lance Brody, and you never even knew I was alive. So you do what you have to. I’m not playing games with you. I’m just standing up for myself. And I don’t like you trying to push me around.”
“I’m not pushing you around,” Lance said.
He should have guessed that her love wasn’t real. It was probably tied to the sexuality of their relationship and the fact that he was the first man to make her feel like a woman.
Kate shook her head. “I didn’t say you were doing anything wrong. I just need to think. And you need to end things with Lexi. I’m not going to stop loving you overnight, Lance.”
“Well, I’m not too sure about that. It seems like you have a checklist of things I need to do to win your love and once we check them all off you’ll be mine.” Lance stood up and walked to the front door. “I guess you haven’t changed as much as you’d like to think you have because you are still standing on the sidelines of life, waiting for it to happen to you.”
Kate watched Lance walk away and fought not to call him back. But he’d lied to her. He was still engaged to another woman and worst of all, he didn’t love her.
She closed the door and went back inside. She walked through the quietness of the living room, seeing the remains of their dinner.
She didn’t understand how a man could be so perfect that she’d fall in love with him, and yet so disappointing.
She didn’t know if it was just a sop for her heart or not, but she couldn’t force herself to believe that Lance didn’t care for her at least a little bit. Even if he didn’t call it love.
Her house phone rang and she checked the caller ID.
“Hello, Lance.”
“Listen, Kate. I’m not sure what I said back there that made things get out of control the way they did. But I don’t want to end this relationship.”
Kate didn’t, either. But as she looked around her lonely little town house she knew they couldn’t continue the way they had been. There was a reason why Lance’s engagement had spurred her into action. A reason why she’d been motivated to change things that she’d been content to leave before. And that reason was that she’d finally figured out that no man—especially not Lance—was going to fall in love with her if she just kept being there.
“I can’t do this right now. I really need to think.”
“Can’t do what?”
“Talk to you. Because I’ll agree to whatever you say and that’s not healthy. Not for either one of us. You said you didn’t know what love was, hadn’t experienced it like this, and I know what you meant.”
“What did I mean?”
He’d meant that he’d never had anyone like her in his life, someone who’d been so in love with him that they’d take whatever scraps of affection he threw their way. But she was done with that. She had more pride than that… she deserved better.
“You meant that it was okay for me to keep loving you,” she said.
“More than okay,” Lance said.
“Why? Do you love me?” Kate asked.
He hesitated and she had her answer.
“Damn it, Kate. I don’t know what to say. I want you like I’ve never wanted any other woman,” Lance said.
That didn’t matter. Her physical appearance could change. Would that mean he wouldn’t want her anymore?
“That’s not enough.”
“It’s a start,” Lance said.
“Yes, I guess it is. But I want the man I love to love me back. I want you to need to be with me the way I need to be with you.”
“Katie-girl, you are making this more difficult than it has to be. Let me come back to your place and I’ll prove to you that I need you just as much as you need me.”
Kate was tempted to say yes. She almost did, but then she thought about the fact that sex wasn’t love. It didn’t mean that it couldn’t be but with Lance, right now sex was just sex, no matter how good it was.
“I don’t mean making love, Lance.”
“Making love—you just said it yourself. It’s an expression of our emotions.”
