that’s it, that’s the vital piece you think you don’t have. You already care about him. Don’t you? A little?” Don’t beg, she warned herself. He might be right. It might be better to buffer Zephyr against indifference if that’s all Theo was capable of.
She really didn’t want to believe that, though. She didn’t want her son growing up feeling as she had, dismissed and unimportant. For heaven’s sake, didn’t he realize what a gift she’d given him? A son. That was supposed to elevate her value in his eyes.
Congratulations, Jaya. Modern women raise their children alone and nobody regards her as special. The clash of cultural mores made her furious.
“Don’t write Zephyr off without even trying to get to know him. That’s callous. It’s cowardly. You be a better man than that,” she demanded with a point of her finger. “I never would have slept with you if I believed you lacked compassion and the ability to respect someone for their worth.”
“Really.” He spun to confront her, head thrown back in challenge as he stared down his nose at her. “I thought we were using each other for escape that night.”
And he was getting his back up because he thought she’d been after a deeper relationship after all. Maybe, yes, way down she had feelings for him that longed to be requited, but she shook her head vehemently.
“No. I mean yes, I was using you. But I wouldn’t have used a man less decent than you are.”
He barked out a disbelieving laugh. “Nice.”
“That didn’t come out right. I’m saying that I didn’t expect to have sex with you, but it happened because I respect you. And I’m not sorry. I’m happy we made Zephyr. I was resigned to not having children so...” She was saying too much. With a pleat stressing her brow, she clammed her mouth and decided they’d talked enough for one night.
“Really?” He tucked in his chin. “You’re the most natural person I’ve ever seen with kids. Was there something wrong that made you think you couldn’t have any?”
They’d definitely talked enough.
“I told you my career was important to me,” she mumbled, casting about for the last of the toys, but they’d tidied up all of them.
“And you still have a career despite being a single parent. Not always an ideal situation, I’m sure, but I can’t believe you didn’t see before Zephyr that kids and career can coexist. You must have considered it an option. You didn’t say you weren’t planning to have kids, but that you resigned yourself not to, like you didn’t think it was possible. Are you okay, Jaya? Because my sister may not have confided all the trauma of her miscarriages, but I’m aware there can be complications with any pregnancy. It makes me a real bastard for not protecting you that night if I put your life at risk.”
“Have you listened at all? I was textbook normal. I’m made to have babies and I’m not sorry I had him. Not one bit. That’s all I meant. Now we should get some rest. Even if they sleep through the night—which they won’t—they’ll be up early.” She tried to scoot past him.
He caught her arm.
She caught her breath.
Silly, silly Jaya. Still flushing like a preteen at this man’s touch. Shyness kept her face averted. She didn’t want him to see how much he still affected her.
His thumb brushed her bare skin, hot palm leaving an imprint of his firm but gentle grip. Those hands. Knowledge burned in a trail from the light caress of his thumb to the pit of her stomach and lower, flooding her inner thighs with tingling warmth. Her face stung with the pressure of a hard blush.
He cleared his throat and pulled his touch away like he felt the scald. When he spoke, he didn’t pursue the other topic, but floored her with something else.
“When I asked if there was someone in your life, I meant a man. Is Zephyr it, or is there someone else I should be worried about?”
“Would you be?” she asked, snapping her head up then regretting it. He must be able to read the flush of awareness savaging her, but he looked his old, contained self.
“This is complicated enough without navigating some other man’s sense of claim.” So aloof. So hands-off. She was back in Bali, heart tattooing her breastbone like a moth against a window, trying to reach the light.
She looked away and rubbed the feel of his touch from her arm. “No, there’s not. What about you?” The question escaped as the horrifying thought occurred.
“Are you kidding? No.”
“Still playing concierge for the Lonely Hearts Club?” she sniped, annoyed.
“Open to new members. Always.”
Ouch. She set her jaw, trying not to let his flippancy bother her. He was only trying to prove his shallowness. Maybe he is that shallow, Jaya. There’s not a woman in the world with enough training to fix me. Don’t try.
She needed to believe he was better than what he was pretending though, she needed it like oxygen. It was how she had let down her guard with him that night. Yes, his rakish ability to give her pleasure had made the memories he’d given her particularly delicious, but her trust in him had been the groundwork. She had believed him to be a good, honorable man, which had allowed her to put herself in his care.
“Don’t be less than you are, Theo.”
“Don’t imagine I’m more.”
“I’m only expecting you to be you, the man who saw potential in me and gave me a chance to develop it. You’re fair. You’re kind. Sometimes you’re funny. This isn’t a test. You don’t have to pass it right now. We have a few days. Apparently,” she added with a jerky shrug. “Can’t we use this time to figure out how to proceed? Do we have to spit out a settlement contract this evening so you can run out the door tomorrow? Maybe the reason you don’t have close relationships is because you don’t stick around to nurture them.”
He rocked back on his heels. “Touché.”
“Was that harsh?” she asked, not as repentant as she could have been.
“No, it’s true. I’m as much of a moving target as I can make myself.”
The reasons behind that coping strategy put a lump in her throat. She tried to swallow it back with little success.
“Well, this is a safe place,” she reminded in a strained tone. “You made sure. No one can hurt you here.”
For a few seconds she thought she might have gone too far, appealing to the frightened child in him.
His dry chuckle had a coarse edge. “Okay, sure. I suppose we’re stuck here,” he said without inflection. “No need to rush to act.”
Stuck again. Reacting to that awful word, she said, “There are worse things than taking a day off to play with children, you know.”
“I know.” His shoulders slumped heavily.
Now she really did feel sorry, but he walked away before the apologetic hand she reached out could
