hadn’t been fully thinking or feeling. She’d functioned. She’d organized, planned, taken care of everything. But feeling? That was gone.
Heartbroken, dejected, lost…
Those words didn’t even begin to describe her mood. They certainly couldn’t cover the large hole that seemed to stretch on and on in her spirit. She only remembered feeling this empty one other time in her life. She’d had no idea the hollowness in her heart left over from that loss had any room for expansion. Yet there it was, growing and threatening to take her over at any moment if she dared let go of her tenuous grip on control.
Penny gave the funeral home another once-over, but still couldn’t find her mother, or anyone else who might save her from cursing Sophie out and making a mockery of Big Mama’s wake. Anyone, that is, but the man who caught her gaze immediately. Jason Hightower.
She knew the very second Sophie Hightower caught the passing glances between her and Jason, because the old woman’s fake smile dried up, and her well-wishing facial expression hardened ever so slightly. Sophie’s lips twisted as if she’d bitten into something bitter, and her shoulders reared back, causing her overly large bosom to poke out even more than the pointy cones already did. The tall, rich-mocha-complexioned woman with the full figure would have been considered forbidding on a good day. Once she had her panties in a bunch over one of her precious nephews possibly falling victim to an unworthy ’hood girl like Penny, forget about it…. Attitude overload.
Penny straightened her back and swallowed. She felt her hands clenching together at her side. She resisted the urge to take a scrunchie out of her purse, put her long locks in a ponytail, dig out the Vaseline and take off her earrings in preparation.
I will not cause a scene. I will not—
“So, when are you going back to California, Penny? You know there’s nothing for you here.” Sophie’s right eye slanted, and her lip tilted in a bit of a snarl.
Get thee behind me, Satan. I will not cuss this old woman out at Big Mama’s wake. I just won’t do it. I don’t care what you have this old biddy say to me.
As if on cue, Jason, with his confident swagger and cocky demeanor, came walking over.
Was it just her, or did the people in the crowded room of the funeral home seem to part and make way for Jason as he zeroed in on her? Penny hadn’t seen him in fifteen years and didn’t want to face him now. It didn’t appear she had much choice.
She tried to focus on anything else in the room besides him—the metal folding chairs in the corner, the stack of church fans piled on the wooden table along with a big white guest book and carefully folded programs. Even with those things to gaze at, her eyes still managed to find Jason’s again.
Those dark brown pools full of accusation and allure would surely be the death of her—or, at the very least, the end of her sanity—if she continued to look into them.
“Hi, Aunt Sophie.” Jason gave his aunt a big hug, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on Penny.
He had changed from the eighteen-year-old love of her life. His athletic build appeared stronger, more substantial, if that were possible. He was still tall. And his deep mahogany complexion was still flawless. For some reason, however, this grown-up Jason seemed larger than life. His presence filled the room, and left her feeling a barrage of things she didn’t dare try and label. The dark, navy-blue designer suit he wore fit as if it were custom-made for him.
They must be paying police detectives well these days, Penny thought wryly, as she let her eyes roam Jason’s appealing but also very off-limits body.
She was there to bury Big Mama, and that was it. As much as she despised the meddling Sophie Hightower, the woman was right. There wasn’t anything here for Penny—anything or anyone.
“Penny.” The stiff and stilted tone of voice as well as his clipped manner let her know Jason was only speaking to be polite and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.
Fine with me.
He kept those sexy, daring brown eyes on her, though. The straight and serious line of his mouth made her long for the days when those lips held smiles only for her.
Even though she secretly longed to see him smile just once, so she could see if the sight of those perfect teeth, those full lips and the dimple in his right cheek still had the capability to make her heart stop, she knew it was a lost cause.
And she didn’t have time for things she couldn’t change, wrongs she couldn’t correct.
She only needed to bury her grandmother and get out of town so she could have the nice private breakdown she’d been putting on hold since she got the news.
“Jason.” He wasn’t the only one who could give a one-word greeting. She would have been willing to forgo speaking at all. She could very well do without the just-under-the-surface bad feelings threatening to bubble up and explode.
“Sorry about Big Mama. She’ll be missed. I used to stop by and check up on her a couple of times during the week. I never would have thought we’d lose her. Seemed like she would be here forever.” His eyes softened a little, then hardened again just as quickly.
Big Mama never told me she was visiting with Jason twice a week.
But Big Mama wouldn’t have. When Penny called, it was all about Penny. And Penny was sure that when Jason visited, Big Mama made those moments just for him. That was her way.
The huge lump that had taken up residence in her chest since she had gotten the news of Big Mama’s passing began to throb. Big Mama was really gone, and there was nothing she could do about it. The thought of it made her want to curl up in a corner and just weep until she ran out of tears.
But there was too much to do now. She could cry when she went back to Los Angeles. Right now, she needed to get the wake and the awkward reunion with Jason and his evil aunt over and done with.
With no time to get choked up, Penny took a deep breath. Taking another, she relished the calm that overcame her body.
Sophie cleared her throat and stepped back. “Yes, she will be missed dearly. The Deaconess Board at Mount Zion won’t be the same without her.”
Giving Penny a quick and cutting glare, she added, “I’m going to leave you to greet the rest of your guests, dear. Come along, Jason. Penny can’t be rude and spend all her time talking to us.”
Subtlety had never been Sophie’s strong point.
Jason nodded to his aunt and then returned his intense stare to Penny. “You can go ahead, Aunt Sophie. I’ll catch up with you.”
No, you go, too. Follow your dear, sweet aunt. I can’t deal with you right now, Jason Hightower. Urgh…
Penny inhaled and exhaled.
Remember…calm, girly, calm.
She wondered what kind of visualization technique she could use to ease her nerves and get her through the wake and the proximity of the former love of her life. The image of Sophie Hightower’s head being compressed in a metal vise held some appeal.
A bright, gleaming, false smile covered Sophie’s face just before she cut her eyes at Penny. “Fine. I’m
