if she’d read his mind, she cleared her throat and took a deep breath.
“Listen, Terry, I wanted to talk to you anyway.”
The use of the shortened version of his name stopped him cold. In the past, she’d only used that name when she either wanted something badly, or was in the throes of passion. He suspected the former and prepared himself.
“Go ahead,” he forced himself to say. It was too late to end the call or to pretend he hadn’t time to listen. He sat on the bed, his senses heightened, his mind fully ready to do combat if necessary, or to offer support if called upon.
“Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I mean, we broke up and it was like a hurricane hit. There were a lot of things said, a lot of very hastily made decisions and most importantly, a lot of extremely painful moments. If I could take any of it back, I would. But that’s not what I called you to say.”
“Okay—go on.”
“Terry, I think we made a mistake. I know it’s late, I know we’ve both said and done some things that are unforgettable. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” Her voice trailed off then and Terrance let the breath he’d been holding in out of his lungs in a silent rush. His body was no longer tense, just alert. What he’d suspected had just been confirmed. And he knew in his heart that there was no way he was going back. He also recognized that the next words spoken would make all the difference, so he chose them with extreme care. Brianna was no fool, but neither was he. If she’d come calling with her tail between her legs, he suspected there was an agenda in place.
“Bree, everything you’ve just said is probably true. Everything but the last part. I don’t think it was a mistake at all. I think we both botched up the relationship and I certainly don’t blame you for any of it, ’cause I did my share, too. Truthfully, I just think it wasn’t meant to be. Not for the long run anyway.” His last words echoed in his head as he counted the seconds, waiting for Brianna’s reply.
“Why do you think that it’s too late? I mean, is it too late for us because we never had it to begin with, or is it too late because you’ve already moved on?”
Her questions lay heavily on his heart, her voice having taken on a tone of intimacy and eagerness he’d only heard a few times in their years together. It told him of her seriousness, told him that she had indeed thought it through and, more importantly, told him that his next words could possibly be crucial to both their lives.
Terrance hesitated, gathered his thoughts, then cleared his throat.
“Brianna, I can’t tell you that I’m surprised to hear you say that you’ve thought this out because I have, too. The truth is that I think we did the right thing by initiating the divorce. For many reasons, we just weren’t right together. I’m sorry, but that’s the way I feel. You’ll always be the mother of my daughter, someone I love very dearly and hopefully, a close friend forever, but I don’t think it would work.”
He ended the sentence and felt an illuminating moment of regret. He also felt tremendous relief at having told the truth. He inwardly wondered if that would buy him points, then realized that no one was really keeping score.
Brianna was silent for a moment, then took a deep breath. “I’m sorry you feel that way. For the record, I disagree, but then we always did have different answers. I guess that was part of the problem. We also had a different approach, and a hell of a different way at looking at life. I guess that’s how we got to where we are,” she added, a hint of cynicism in her voice.
Her tone waved a red flag to him and he wondered if she was just having a bad day or truly felt they would do things better if given a second chance.
“I want to thank you, Terrance, for being honest.”
He could hear the disappointment in her voice and wondered if he’d ever be able to forgive himself for putting it there. Then, in a moment of clarity, he chastised himself. He hadn’t fallen out of love with her—not until she had begun to run the street, stay out all night, and not before she’d made it painfully clear to him that the marriage was no longer a priority for her.
“No problem. Hell, I’m surprised that you picked up the phone to call me. That took guts. You’re one unpredictable woman, Brianna.”
“Thanks. Sometimes I’m not sure how to separate the present from the past. Our lives are tangled like the branches from a vine, intertwined. Hey, I don’t mean to get deep on you but I have given this some degree of thought.”
Terrance didn’t respond. There was nothing left to say.
Brianna had gone over each and every point to see if there was any one factor which she could use to turn his decisions around. If not now, then perhaps later, was her resolve. It wouldn’t be over until she said so. In her mind, that was the final answer, so she switched gears instead.
“Hey, listen, I really wanted to let you know your daughter is showing definite signs of your personality. That made it a little easier to pick up the phone.” Her voice had taken on an edge of pride when she spoke of Jacqueline. In that moment, Terrance recognized that they’d always share the bond of being parents to a terrific kid.
“I’m going to hang up and go on back to my assigned chores for the day. I want to have accomplished something by the time Godmother Grace returns with Jacqueline.” Though she did her best to mask it, the stress of having gone through the last few moments was evident in her voice. For his part, Terrance was relieved to be able to put the subject to rest.
“Sure. You go on ahead and handle your business. Give my sweet pumpkin a kiss for me.” He sighed as he thought of Jacqueline’s tiny face, her deep brown eyes and the dimples she’d inherited from her mother.
“Sure thing,” she said.
Terrance said goodbye softly into the phone and ended his call with Brianna.
As he closed his cell phone, he breathed a huge sigh of relief knowing that he’d managed to handle a major hurdle in their relationship. He prayed that going forward, Brianna would be far less inclined to bring up any kind of reconciliation.
For the first time since he’d met with a divorce attorney, Terrance felt capable of handling whatever was coming his way. He finished dressing, put a belt through his pants, slid his feet into a pair of black leather loafers and headed for the living room. He could hear the laughter, smell the dinner which had just been prepared and knew that the evening ahead was most certainly not part of his past. The thought made him smile briefly, though it also made him nervous to think about his future.
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