price. She had her child to think about now.
“Why is it, then, that you’ve never mentioned it before now, Nathan?” she asked quietly, sadly.
“I don’t know,” he muttered, shoving one hand through his hair.
She picked up her purse and rummaged one hand inside for her car keys. When she found them, she curled her fingers around them and said, “Until you know the answer to that, Nathan, there’s nothing else to talk about. Now, I’m going home.”
“You are home, Amanda.”
That little arrow scored a direct hit on her heart. She had hoped this would be home. Had imagined it. But she couldn’t have what she wanted—without first having what she needed. Amanda needed to be loved by the very man standing there giving her all the right words without the meaning.
“No, I’m really not.” She shook her head and walked past him. He stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Don’t go.”
She looked down at his hand then shifted her gaze to his eyes. “I have to.”
He released her then and Amanda felt the loss of his touch all the way to her bones. It took everything she had to walk out the door and down the front steps. Before she reached her car, she looked back over her shoulder and Nathan was standing there, in the open doorway, watching her.
“This isn’t over,” he said, his deep voice carrying on the warm summer air.
Amanda knew that all too well. What she felt for Nathan would never be over.
“Anyway,” Pam said later that evening. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry.”
What a day this had been, Amanda thought, staring at her sister in dumbfounded shock. A surprise pregnancy, a surprise proposal and now…a sister who had hated her enough to try and ruin her life. Her heart hurt at the realization that Pam had been behind the rumors that had torn Amanda and Nathan apart so long ago. But a voice in her mind whispered that Nathan shouldn’t have believed those rumors. He should have loved her enough to know they weren’t true.
And he hadn’t.
“You’re sorry.” Amanda whispered the words and watched Pam flinch. “For all the rumors or for the diner?”
“Both.” Pam dropped into a chair beside the sofa where Amanda was curled up.
The diner apartment was too warm, the air conditioner wasn’t working again. Amanda reached for her glass of iced tea and took a long drink as she studied her sister. Pam looked awful. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her hair was in a tangle as if she’d forgotten to brush it and misery pumped off of her in waves.
Right now, Amanda told herself, she should be furious. Should be raging at her sister for all the damage Pam had done over the years. But the bottom line was, Amanda’s heart was already too broken to break again. And fury seemed to require more effort than she had the energy for at the moment.
“God,” Pam said softly, “I was always so jealous of you.”
“Why?” Amanda shook her head and stared at her. “You’re my big sister, Pam. I always looked up to you.”
Pam winced. “And I resented you. You were always the favorite. With Mom and Dad, with our teachers at school. With Nathan.”
“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say to that,” Amanda said quietly. “Mom and Dad loved us both and you know it.”
“Of course they did, and I’m an idiot for clinging to all that junk from when we were kids and letting it chew on me until I lost it.”
“Pam …”
“There’s nothing you have to say. It was all me, Mandy,” Pam whispered, unconsciously using the name Amanda hadn’t heard since she was a little girl. “I got so twisted up inside, I couldn’t see anything but my jealousy of you. And even if you don’t believe me, I am really sorry.”
“I do believe you.” Funny. She could accept Pam’s apology but she couldn’t trust Nathan’s proclamation of love. A very weird day.
Pam looked at her from where she was sprawled in the overstuffed, faded chair. “You do?”
“Yeah.” She shook her head tiredly. “Not that it’s okay with me, what you did. And we’re going to have to talk about this more, figure out where we go from here, but you’re still my sister.…” Heck, Amanda understood better than anyone what it was to be so crazy about Nathan that you could lose yourself in the emotional pool. And, there was the fact that Amanda was going to need her sister in the coming months. She could raise a child alone, but she wanted her baby to have a family. An aunt to love him or her.
Pam drew a deep breath and let it out on a relieved sigh. Her lips curved in a tired smile that looked quivery at the edges. “I didn’t expect you to forgive me so easily.”
Amanda tried to find a return smile, but couldn’t. “I didn’t say it would be easy. You’re paying for the damage to the diner.”
“Agreed,” Pam said.
“And,” Amanda continued, since she had her sister at a disadvantage at the moment, “you’re taking over the paperwork again.”
Pam nodded. “I only dumped it on you because you hate it. I actually sort of like it. I was always good with numbers.”
“I know, I used to envy that,” Amanda mused, realizing that for the first time in years, she and her sister were having a real conversation. “Maybe you should think about going back to school. Getting an accounting degree.”
Pam thought about that for a second and then smiled. “Maybe I will.” She pushed her hair back behind her ears. “Gotta say, Amanda, you’ve been a lot nicer to me about this than I deserve.”
“You know,” Amanda said thoughtfully, “you’re lucky you picked today to dump all of this on me.”
“Why?”
Amanda frowned and tapped her fingernails against the glass she held. “Because I’m too tired from dealing with Nathan at the moment to work up any real rage for you.”
“I’m so sorry, Amanda,” Pam said again. “I know you and Nathan were having a hard time and I didn’t make it any easier. But he made it clear today that you two were getting married and—”
Amanda went still as stone. “He what?”
Pam shrugged. “He said you would be marrying him as soon as he told you his plan and—”
“He told you he was going to marry me even before he bothered to mention it to me?”
“Yeah, apparently.”
There was a part of Amanda that was excited to hear it. After all, he’d seen Pam before he knew about the baby. So he had planned to propose anyway—that was something. It didn’t change the fact that he’d mentioned nothing about love, though, until he was forced to by the situation.
