universe spread out before you, though. The ranch must seem small compared to that,” she said.
He tipped his head back, staring up. As the sun set and the sky darkened, she saw stars and satellites twinkling in the sky.
“It does. But most of the time all I can do is look at the surrounding stars and the Earth through the space station’s windows,” he said at last. His voice was low, husky and relaxed. He seemed to be at peace, which she’d never noticed in him before.
“Most of the time?”
“Space walks,” he said. “I put on a space suit, tether myself to a line and go out for an extravehicular activity. I love the freedom of floating around up there.”
“Isn’t that scary?” she asked. She was scared just thinking about him up there, exposed and vulnerable. She reminded herself that he was nothing more than a guy she knew from childhood. A guy who turned her on, made her hotter than a two-dollar pistol as her gramps used to say. Yet he seemed like more than that somehow. He attracted her like nothing—no one—else ever had.
“No more so than galloping across the field when a horse has its head,” he said.
“But if you fall from a horse, you don’t have far to go.”
She was still trying to understand the draw that universe had for him.
“You could easily break your neck and die,” he said at last. “But the thrill of letting your horse run across the field, of feeling the wind whipping around you, of being free—it’s enough of an incentive that you don’t worry about that possibility. You know the risk is worth it.”
She uncrossed her legs and sat up from where she’d been leaning. As the darkness deepened and it became harder to see his features, he revealed things he wouldn’t say in the light of day. It had been the same two nights ago when he’d gone riding with her.
Why was it they both felt safer in the dark?
She couldn’t dwell on that.
“What if your tether breaks? What if you just float away?”
“I’d be out there with the stars, seeing parts of the universe only a handful have ever seen... I’d say that would be worth the cost.”
“It seems too big, too scary for me.”
“Some of the things you do scare me,” he said.
“Like what?” she asked. “You’ve done everything I do.”
He put his hand on her leg, just held it loosely, but a shiver went up her body. “Okay, maybe that’s true, but I hated it—at least when I first arrived at fourteen. I was so dusty and dirty and every night when I went to bed, I’d stare out the window above my bed and think about being up there with the stars.”
Even when he’d been closest to her, he’d been just out of her reach. She knew this. Why did she keep trying to find some way to convince herself he was the kind of man who’d stay?
She should stop thinking of him as Jason and remember he was Ace. That’s all he could ever be to her.
Ace.
Superstar astronaut. Heart in the stars. He was here because he was grounded. As soon as the all clear came he’d be gone.
He hadn’t even hesitated to sign that document earlier that had given her the right to make all decisions about the ranch if he was off the planet for more than two years.
“Why did Dad give you half the ranch?” she asked.
He shrugged. But she felt that he knew more.
“Don’t lie.”
“Lifting my shoulders isn’t lying,” he said.
“Not telling the truth is. Please, tell me,” she said.
“He told me once that he was afraid you’d never have a chance to be anything more than what he and the Bar T had made you. I guess he didn’t want to put the full weight of owning the ranch on you. Maybe he thought I’d be able to help.”
She could hear her father’s voice in Jason’s words. Heard the worry he’d felt in the last few months before his accident. Tears burned her eyes and she blinked, trying to stem them, but failed. “Why didn’t he ask me what I wanted?”
“Maybe he was afraid of the answer.”
She hugged herself and put her head down. The ache she felt for her father was all-consuming. She just wanted one more hug. One more chance to smell that unique scent of Old Spice aftershave and worn leather. To know she didn’t have to worry because he was there.
She felt Jason’s hand on her arm.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Me, too. I... What did he think I’d do?”
“Live. He said that he suspected you were hiding from something here,” Jason said.
She went still. The tears stopped and she realized her father knew there was more to her coming back from Houston than a messy roommate.
“What are you hiding from?”
* * *
TALKING NEVER WAS her strong suit. She’d never learned to hide what she was feeling, to protect herself. She pulled her arm out from under Jason’s and scooted toward the end of the truck. She hopped down and stood there. Twilight had darkened and she was caught between night and day. She was dressed up rather than wearing her usual jeans and scuffed boots. She almost felt like she didn’t belong here right now.
She was a mess. She’d been pretending for too long that she wasn’t. Thought she was going to make a deal with Jason and somehow get the ranch back on solid financial ground once and for all. But now she acknowledged she’d been kidding herself. She was never going to get out of this morass.
She knew it as surely as she knew that she’d been sending mixed signals all day. She wanted him. She wanted to lose herself in that sweet crush she remembered from a more innocent time. When she’d had no idea what real heartbreak and loss felt like.
Jason slid to the end of the pickup truck and sat there, his legs hanging over the tailgate as he quietly watched her. She noticed that he had on some kind of hiking boot, not Western boots. He wasn’t a cowboy. How many times was she going to have to be faced with that knowledge before it sank in?
“You okay?”
No.
“Of course. I mean, you just told me my dad thought I was hiding, and I had to make a deal that requires me to let strangers come onto my land. I’m partners with a man I barely know...yeah, I’m great.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you,” he said.
“Sorry. It’s all I’ve got right now. It’s that or howling,” she admitted. “Since I want to preserve a little dignity I’m going with sarcasm.”
“You
