wouldn’t word it like that,” she said.
“No, you’re much too nice. But my buddies in the Cronus program...”
“Like who? Tell me about them. Are there any women?” she asked. “I’m friends with Jessie Odell, the adventurer, and she does some crazy-ass stuff—surviving in the wilderness, going places where very few men and even fewer women have been.”
“I’ve heard of her. Who hasn’t?” Jason said. “How do you know her?”
“We’re pen pals. After my smoking incident in the barn, Dad thought I needed a better use of my time. So he found her fan mail address—she was still doing that show with her parents—and I wrote to her. I told her about living on the ranch. She grew up on the ocean and...we connected. We both were isolated in our own ways.”
“That’s pretty cool. I felt that way when I got assigned to my first mission and started training with Dennis. He’d done a bunch of missions, but we connected. He’s like a big brother to me.”
“And now he’s the guy in charge of the Cronus program, right?”
“Yes. If I pass my medical tests, I’ll be competing for a place in his program, along with a bunch of other guys.”
“Do you know most of them?” she asked.
“Yeah. I’m probably one of the senior astronauts.”
“You’re not that old,” she said.
“Geez, thanks,” he said. “I meant because of the mission-hours I’ve clocked.”
“I know it will be very hard for you if you’re grounded permanently,” she said. “Why would you want the facility here, outside Houston? Won’t that make it even worse?”
“I’ve spent my entire career working toward manned missions to Mars and making sure we will be prepared to form a colony there one day. I need to know what’s out there. But if I’m grounded, I at least want to be involved in some way. I’d never be able to leave NASA completely.”
In his voice she heard the same pain and longing she felt when she thought about losing the ranch. He would help her save the Bar T—she knew even if they didn’t win the bid, Jason wouldn’t leave until the ranch was secure. And now she wanted to do as much for him. She would help him get into shape, do whatever he needed to be ready for his medical. Not for herself, because she was just realizing how much she’d miss him, but for him.
* * *
WELL, GETTING DRESSED wasn’t awkward at all. Molly handed him his clothes and then he followed her back to the ranch. Rina wasn’t in the kitchen, but she’d left half a blueberry pie in the middle of the table with a Post-it note that said there was homemade ice cream in the fridge.
Molly raised her eyebrows at him. “Do you want pie?”
“Yeah, and maybe some decaf,” he said. “But I need a shower.”
She tipped her head to the side, watching him with a guarded look. “I think you are all right.”
She was probably right, but now that he was back in this house he felt the walls closing in on him. He needed to get away for a few minutes. Needed time to think.
Molly was great, but she made him want things that weren’t in his plans. She made the ranch feel like...well, hell, it felt like home. And he didn’t want that. The Bar T Ranch was his temporary stopover, nothing more.
“Yeah, but I’d still like a shower. Meet me back down here in thirty?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I’m going to skip dessert and head up. I have to be up early to do chores with the men. I’ve missed them two days in a row. Jeb will give me hell if I’m not there tomorrow.”
“Okay,” he said.
The distance between them was creeping back in. Though he’d thought he wanted that, he realized he didn’t want it this way. He didn’t want to feel like he’d done or said the wrong thing. But he was pretty sure he had.
When hadn’t he said the wrong thing? “I’m sorry. It’s just...tonight was...”
“Don’t say anything else. I’m tired. Like I said, I’ve got to be up early and tonight was nice. I wish it didn’t have to end, but it’s like those old stories about the man in the moon. When we look at it too long it falls apart. Let’s say good-night now before I make this awkward.”
But it was too late. He knew it and he read in her eyes that she did, too. He wanted to apologize again, but she must know he hadn’t meant for this to happen. Didn’t she? “Do you need me in the morning?”
“Nah. You might want to ride some of the fences tomorrow and get the lay of the land again. You can take out the Mule, the all-terrain vehicle. I’ll assign one of our hands to take you around.”
“Okay. I also want to see the acreage you spoke of using for the facility.”
“Jeb is working on clearing it. We haven’t used it for cattle in a while. We can talk it over at breakfast if you’re up that early or at lunch, which is at noon.”
“I’ll be at breakfast,” he said.
She nodded. “Night.”
She walked out of the room and he just watched her leave. He sat down hard at the table and looked around the big ranch kitchen. The hardwood table that had been built to serve the ranch hands. It was sturdy, well used. Like he felt tonight. Not on its last leg, but worn and scarred. He wanted to believe that he was managing life and all that it threw at him, but tonight he wasn’t.
He wanted... Hell, he had no idea. Sex was supposed to be a stress relief. Wasn’t that what Hemi always called it? But sex with Molly wasn’t just physical. It was more like finding another part of his soul—a part he’d never even knew existed—and feeling as if he was a little closer to being whole.
A person couldn’t be that for him. He didn’t trust the universe to keep the people he cared about alive and with him. He kept his relationships carefully limited. Mick, Dennis, maybe Hemi and a few of the other guys who were trying for the Cronus missions. That was it. He didn’t let many people get close to him and he had the uncomfortable feeling that Molly had slipped in when he hadn’t been paying attention.
Her long legs and curvy hips had distracted him. Made him think with his dick instead of his brain. And now he was dealing with the fallout.
He put his head in his hands, stared at the tabletop and saw a small crescent moon etched into the wood. Dropping his hands, he traced the old carving. He remembered how rebellious he’d felt when he’d worked on it over the course of his first summer at the ranch. He’d felt like he had a secret. Tonight he’d unconsciously sat in the same spot that had been his all those years ago. He glanced across the table, remembered that Molly had sat there.
It was funny that no matter how much had changed this still felt like his spot. He rubbed the moon again. He had always been so sure of what he wanted, where he wanted to go, where his real home was—up there in the stars—but as he looked around the kitchen and the memories of the past swelled around him, he realized he had more of a home here
