said hi, and he said hi, and that was it. I could do nothing more to prolong the moment. I walked up the stairs and away from him.
That was all I could have done. Max and I had barely spoken. And all I’d gotten were reasons to avoid him.
When I arrived at my room, my heart still in my throat, I found my door locked. I hoped that meant Dana wasn’t in the room. No such luck, however. She was there, looking as morbid as usual.
“Only five minutes after nine,” she said, looking at her alarm clock. “Hmm.”
“What?”
She sighed and set down her book. “Becca was never back this early. She used to stay out until the wee hours of the morning with Max.”
“What makes you think I was with Max?” I thought of our brief encounter.
She laughed, and it did not suit her. “I just meant that she was always with Max. But I guess you can see now how you misunderstood.”
I flushed pink. Dana stood and drifted into the bathroom. I wanted to smack her. My eyes scanned the wall of pictures, landing on one of Becca in a royal-blue shirt, her goldenblond hair in curls. She leaned back as Max kissed her. My heart fell.
I kicked off my shoes, and immediately stubbed my toe on that stupid Louis Vuitton suitcase. The pain that shot up my foot sent some kind of wave through me. I walked over to the bathroom and threw open the door. She had just tossed her shirt on the ground, and covered herself up as I walked in.
“I’ve had enough. You cannot talk to me like that and just expect me to take it. You don’t know me, you just hate me because you miss your fucking friend. And I have told you that I understand, and that I sympathize. But you are just—”
“Oh, shut up, you’re turning an ugly shade of red.”
She smiled smugly at me and rolled her eyes, and I almost lost it. I envisioned slapping her hard and tossing an easy, “Who’s red now, bitch?” over my shoulder as I left her to cry.
But instead I just steadied my breathing and stalked out.
chapter 11 becca
BECCA COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT Johnny. How was that possible? What was drawing her to him? At first he had seemed so predictable and uninteresting. But now he was intriguing and desirable.
It had been three weeks since it happened, and time had only made her yearn for more of Johnny’s touch, breath and whatever that strange power was that he had over her. Her wanting had made it nearly impossible to be with Max. She felt stone-cold. Nothing he did could rattle her. But every time she wanted something more with Johnny, she’d convince herself not to go toward him. After all, if she liked him, he could hurt her.
Then she’d stay with Max a little longer. At least until she really had Johnny.
But that didn’t mean it was easy to stop talking to him in the meantime, or hooking a finger through his belt loop when they talked. She was doing that now, while the party surrounded them. As soon as she caught a glimpse of Max, she jumped away from Johnny as if he’d scalded her.
“Hey, baby,” she said to Max, running over to him and then winding an arm around him. “You wanna do a body shot?”
He gave her a look. “No. Thanks though.”
“But I do! Please, babe?” He said nothing, but laughed, and she smiled. She jumped onto a table next to her, shouted over the music to get the attention of the room. “Hey! Who wants to do a body shot off me?”
She pulled up her shirt to show her flat stomach, and smiled wider as her subjects cheered. She chose a random guy she didn’t even know, and pulled him over to the beer pong table. She lay down, and laughed at the crowd around her. Someone poured a shot of tequila onto her stomach, sprinkled some salt on her chest, and then put a slice of lime from the dining hall into her mouth. The guy took the shot, and everyone clamored to be next. Becca looked at Max, who smiled and shook his head. He didn’t look jealous enough. She glanced at Johnny, who did.
In short order, Becca had downed three shots and, finally, the room had begun to spin a little. She found that this was about how drunk she needed to be in order to feel affectionate toward Max and to forget about Johnny. Usually. But that became really hard as she looked up and saw that Johnny was dancing with that girl Susan.
Susan? Really? That poor ditz was only trying to be like Becca. Suddenly her mousy blond hair was up in a spunky ponytail just like Becca’s, and her glasses were gone, and her boobs were in a real bra instead of a sports bra. Oh, and she’d picked up smoking Camel Lights, just like Becca.
Becca stood quickly, momentarily losing her balance, and took two shots right in a row. They burned, and she looked to see what they were. Hundred-proof vodka.
Twenty minutes later, it was kicking her ass.
She spotted Johnny about twenty feet away, and ambled over to him.
“I think I had too much stuff,” she said.
“What did you have? You didn’t accept anything from Ricky, right?”
“No, no … I just had some shots of that.” She pointed indiscriminately. “I didn’t know it was hundred proof.”
She wanted to lean on him. To feel his arm around her, making her feel safe. From what, she didn’t know. But he always made her feel better.
“Johnny … Johnny.”
“Yeah?”
“We should be, you know, like …” She pointed between them. “Together or whatever.”
He looked at her, and she wanted to reach up and kiss him.
“We can’t.”
“Not ever? Not even if I break up? I mean with Max. If I break up with him, why couldn’t we be, then?” Those shots were tangling her tongue.
“Because that’s almost as bad as what we’re doing now.” His voice was low. “He’d never forgive me if he found out. So even if we were legit together, it would be wrong.”
The words sank in, and her eyes began to burn. She turned away, not wanting him to see her wipe her eyes. She found Max.
She stumbled up to him. “Dance with me?”
She pulled him into the group of people dancing, careful to stay within Johnny’s eyeshot. Becca grinded into Max’s leg, and ran her hands along his neck.
“I like you so much. I’m so glad we’re together.”
She kissed him, and then turned around so her back was on his chest and her hand still on his neck. Johnny looked at her and quickly turned away.
“We should go somewhere,” said Becca, tugging on Max’s collar. “I want you so bad right now.”
He hesitated, and then gave a nod. “Okay, let’s go.”
She
