had …” He looked around and lowered his voice even more. “We had sex and now this is just not right, I can’t be—”
She rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall. “Oh, Johnny, you stop it. You’re thinking way too hard. We’re young. We only have two years left. Just go with it. No one’s getting hurt. No one’s going to get arrested or die. It’s all good.”
She could tell she was winning him over. But he still looked like he might argue.
“Look,” she said, “is all this to say that you don’t want to do it again?” Becca ran a hand through her hair and pushed herself off the wall. “Because I’m not going to stand here all day and beg for you.”
She would not be rejected by both of them. If she walked away it would be her choice, not because he denied her.
He was silent for a moment, thinking. Her heart jumped as she realized he really might say no. She shook her head irritably and pushed past him. She got a few steps before he called her name. She hesitated and then kept walking.
“Becca … Becca!” He jogged up behind her. His hands on her shoulders stopped her.
He glanced around, and when he saw no one, he kissed her. It sent a shock through her. She hadn’t felt anything like it. It was like no one had ever kissed her and meant it before. When he finally pulled away, she looked up at him. When she spoke, her voice wasn’t strong or vital and controlling as it usually was. Her words weren’t calculated and meant to get her to an end. Her voice was small and hopeful, and her words were nervous. “Can we go … somewhere?”
Later that night, Max came to Becca’s door in the girls’ hall. She opened the door to see Max looking hot, and the girls along the hallway looking out of their doors.
“I thought about what you said. And you’re right.”
Was he about to ask her out? She was practically still sweating from her rendezvous with Johnny. She gave a nervous flatten of her hair, and said, “Oh, yeah?”
He nodded. “So if you’ll still do it, then … we can do it.”
She felt everyone’s eyes on her. “You want to be with me, is this what you’re saying?”
“Yeah.”
She smiled and pulled him into her room. “Dana, do you think you could … make yourself scarce for a little while?”
Dana hurried up and out the door. Becca shut it, and the flurry of chatter outside told her that what she was about to do was exactly what she had to.
chapter 10 me
ALMOST A WEEK HAD PASSED SINCE MY FREAK-OUT at Dana, and neither one of us had said a word. She had followed my snotty advice and put Becca’s pictures all over her own wall. I’d suffered the consequences of my own rage, too, when I stepped on a thumbtack on the way to the bathroom one night.
I finished To Kill a Mockingbird, and completed my paper on The Small Town Effect. I’d focused on the wildfire spread of gossip and what it does in a small environment and to the people within it. Somehow, I’d managed to get inspired. Go figure.
All the other classes passed by in a haze of challenging busywork. They were just the classes to get through until Painting. When Max and I spoke, we talked about our assignments and other banal things like the weather. Of which there was far too much. As I sat now, outside Dr. Morgan’s office, I watched cold, gray rain pour down in sheets outside. It pounded on the windows, as though it was pleading to come in. I didn’t blame it. It was miserable out there.
My appointment to talk about college and “whatever else” had been at three-thirty, but it was three-forty now and I still hadn’t been called in. Just as I glanced at the clock on the wall again (the only one I’d seen in the school so far), I heard a muffled shout coming from her office.
The secretary raised her eyebrows wordlessly and continued filing her papers.
Dr. Morgan’s door flew open.
“I just hate this, I don’t know why we’re even pretending!” It was Dana. She stormed out and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me.
She let out a groan, and her hands flew to her head in anger. Her fingers looked like they must be pressing dents into her skull. “Why are you here?”
I couldn’t speak.
“Why?”
Dr. Morgan shuffled over to Dana. She put a hand on her arm, but Dana shrugged it off violently. “Stop! I want to be left alone! I want an empty room, I don’t want to be with this stupid, fake—”
“Bite your tongue, Miss Veers.”
“I hate you!” Dana spit at me. I stared at her in shock.
Dr. Morgan glanced at me, and then led a reluctant Dana back into her office. A moment after she shut the door, it opened again.
“Please come in.” She gestured to me. I glanced at the secretary again, whose eyebrows were still raised, and who still filed wordlessly.
I walked into the room Dana was filling with negativity.
“Have a seat.”
I sat.
“Very well,” Dr. Morgan began. “Is there some kind of conflict between the two of you?”
“Nope,” Dana said, simply.
“What is the problem?” Dr. Morgan looked to me.
“I … I don’t know.”
“There’s no problem.”
Dr. Morgan looked very seriously at her for a moment and then spoke.
“Miss Veers, I know this is an unspeakably hard time for you—” She stopped as Dana let out a derisive snort. She breathed and then started again. “As I say, I know it’s difficult. But you cannot be angry because Becca’s side of your room has been filled by a new student.”
Dana didn’t speak.
“I encourage you both to talk about what’s bothering you, so that you can work through it.”
Both of us? How was it not obvious that I had done nothing wrong?
I glanced at Dana, who was looking deadly. I stayed silent. Dr. Morgan waited at first, and then pulled out a date book.
“Dana, are you available at around four tomorrow afternoon?”
I looked at her. There was something in her expression besides fury. She looked worried. Nervous. A pang of pity struck me unexpectedly.
“Yes, four is fine.”
Dr. Morgan scribbled in her book and Dana walked out without looking at me. The door shut quietly, but a sound rang through me as if she’d slammed it.
Dr.
