Almost everyone was asleep or hooking up. After some preamble that Becca had now blocked out, she and Jake were making out hard core. She wanted to enjoy it. She did enjoy the fact that it was Jake doing it. But he was rough, and never gentle. His tongue stabbed into her mouth harshly and without consideration of what she was doing. He pulled her hair a little too hard, but she was too afraid to say anything.
It was only with the strength she had in the core of herself that she was able to tell him that she wouldn’t have sex with him. He did exactly what she’d feared when he tossed her aside muttering that she wasn’t worth all that.
She sat there for a little while, feeling sorry for herself and hoping he’d come apologize. She tried hard not to cry from the embarrassment, and failed. Finally she wiped off her tears, and went inside to find Lulu. She’d pay for a damn cab. All she wanted was to go home and watch something with a happy ending. She remembered that her dad had just bought her Thin Mints.
She pulled open the sliding door. She walked past a couple grinding on the sofa, illuminated by the blue light of the TV screen. She opened a bedroom door and found people smoking weed. She opened another and found a bunch of sleeping bodies—none of them Lulu’s. She went upstairs and hesitated. The only room up there had noise coming from it. Banging. She didn’t want to open the door. But after looking everywhere else in the house, she knew Lulu was either gone or in that room. She opened the door and saw Lulu’s naked, limp body. Her red-haired head was repeatedly hitting the headboard as Eric, the narrow-hipped boy with pimples on his back, thrust against her again and again.
The bag of white powder came into her mind.
“Eric! Eric, stop! What are you doing?”
He ignored her, and kept moving. She watched the scene with horror, even stepping forward and trying to pull on his arm. He shook her off and kept going. She said Lulu’s name, but she only responded with the slightest opening of her eyes.
Becca didn’t know what to do. Wait? Leave? No, those were wrong and unthinkable. Call the police? No. She was drunk. Everyone was. Everyone would hate her. She couldn’t be the girl who got everyone in trouble.
And what about … what about the fact that she’d been the one to give the drug? Whatever it had been—she’d heard of the date rape drug—had that been it? But Jake had said some weird name … she’d never heard it before.
“What are you standing there for, sweetie? You wanna join? I’d rather fuck you than her anyway.”
Eric’s words stung. Not only was he raping—God, was that what she was watching?—her friend Lulu, but he was insulting her.
Becca shrank onto the floor and covered her eyes. She tried to block out the sounds—the quiet, sinister sounds—and waited for the last pound and the groan from Eric. She heard him get off the squeaking mattress, exhale loudly and pull his pants on. She heard the jingle of his belt buckle, and then he walked past her and shut the door.
Then there was silence in the room.
She carried Lulu out to the curb, which took all of her strength—even with how light Lulu was—where they waited for a very expensive cab. She found the spare key under a flowerpot on Lulu’s front step, and took her up to her room. By that point, Lulu was awake enough to walk some. When Becca left Lulu’s room, Lulu was whimpering softly. She was in pain.
Becca walked the next mile to her own bed, where she lay awake for the rest of the night.
The truth came out. Eric got in trouble. Everyone but Lulu insisted that they’d seen Becca slip something in her drink. She got away unscathed by the law, but she was a social outcast. And she knew she deserved it.
“Becca?” Dana put a hand on her shoulder.
Becca looked into her narrow, dark eyes, and shuddered. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
She could tell Dana didn’t quite want to say it was okay, but wanted to seem undramatic.
“Come on,” said Becca, standing up. “Let’s go up to our room. I’ve got a movie with a happy ending we can watch on my computer.”
chapter 21 me
I KNEW SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT THE SECOND I stepped off the bus at Manderley. Everyone was talking very importantly to each other, and I was getting a lot of looks. More than ever. At the end of a break it makes sense for there to be an excited, catching-up buzz about the school.
This wasn’t that.
It got weirder when I walked through the doors and saw a line that ended in Dana, Madison and Julia sitting at a table. Madison had a cash box, Julia was taking money, and Dana was handing out T-shirts. They were pink with black writing and had a picture on them I couldn’t make out from where I was standing.
I dropped my phone off at the office and walked over to the line. All of them watched me as I approached.
“I’m not butting or anything,” I explained, a bit uselessly, to some of the waiting students as I walked past.
I looked at one of the shirts Dana handed to a girl. The picture was of Becca, I could see now, and I read the words.
FIND BECCA
Dana had boxes of the shirts behind her. “Do you want one?”
It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.
“You can even have one for free,” she offered, not sounding generous at all.
I shook my head and looked around to see that I was being swallowed by a sea of pink. Everyone around me was either wearing or holding a pink shirt. I walked quickly from the table and toward the stairs. I stopped when I saw Max. He was holding a shirt and looking a little dazed.
“Max.”
He tried to smile, but barely pulled it off. His jaw was clenched tightly again. “Come here.”
He pulled me in for a hug. I didn’t stop him, even in light of how uncertain everything was with him. He put his cheek to my hair and didn’t let go for a few seconds.
“What’s going on?” I asked. I never wanted to let go of him, but something had clearly happened.
“You didn’t hear, then?”
I shook my head. My heart was beating fast. “No, hear what? What’s happening?”
He hesitated. “They think … Becca’s alive.” He looked hopeful and regretful all at once.
“Why? Who thinks so?”
“Her Facebook … she had a status update, and it said she was alive. And … it was right after there was a sighting of someone who looked like her.”
“What?” I was breathless suddenly. Everything was going to change. Would they kick me out? Would she come back? “Where? What did it say?”
“They saw her here in town somewhere. The status just confirmed that it was her … I don’t know.”
Blake and Cam approached us a moment later, neither of them
