she nearly said ‘Your turn’, nearly put her hands out to deal with his sandy jeans, but he took her hand instead because it would have been far too dangerous, and they walked up the beach, tossed the bottle in the bin and then headed for her street. They walked in silence to her turn-off and this time when she went to say goodbye, Nick insisted on walking her to her door.
With their kiss she was a little more his, even if just for a little while, which meant he walked with her. She just wished he wouldn’t, but couldn’t say so.
‘We’re both off at the weekend.’ Nick knew because he’d looked. ‘I was thinking of getting a bike, going for a ride in the mountains…’ He sensed her reluctance and misinterpreted it. ‘I’ll book two rooms.’
‘I don’t know, Nick.’ So badly she wanted to go, but it wasn’t just the weekend and sleeping arrangements that had her in knots, but getting on a bike, the recklessness of it—all of it. ‘Actually, I’ve got some things I need to do and then I’ve got a week of nights…’ And the evening ended there, and she gave him just a little kiss on the cheek, because she knew her mother was watching, and she knew too that he was watching her as she walked to her door.
He was.
And he must be getting good at her vision game, because as Nick walked home he was having one of his own and there wasn’t a crying baby or Svetlana in sight, more an Alison uncut vision.
Alison let loose, Nick thought with a smile, pulling up in surprise at just how much he wanted to share his vision with her.
‘Oh, you’re back.’ Rose stood by the kettle, as if she hadn’t been at the window. ‘I was just making a cup of tea to take back to bed. Do you want one?’
‘No, thanks, Mum.’
‘Nice night.’
‘Really nice.’
‘How was your friend?’
‘Great,’ Alison said, hearing the singular, and she turned to go to bed, but then relented. ‘We just had some pasta, and then walked.’
‘You’re covered in sand.’
‘We walked on the beach.’
Rose humphed, and no doubt there was half the beach in her hair and why did she feel guilty? Why was her mother sulking when she had done absolutely nothing wrong? ‘Am I allowed to ask his name? ‘
Alison hesitated. It was all too new and too soon to be naming him, she wanted to pull apart her own thoughts and feelings without sharing things first, but her mum wanted conversation, inclusion, and at every turn Alison did try.
‘Nick,’ Alison said, and her mum just waited. ‘He’s a friend from work. So what did you do tonight?’
‘Not much—I looked through some photos.’ She gave a wan smile. ‘I’ll have to find something to do once you’re gone.’
‘I’ll be ten minutes away, Mum.’
‘Oh.’ Rose suddenly changed the subject. ‘Your uncle Ken rang. They’re having a barbecue at the weekend, so don’t go making any plans—they’re looking forward to seeing you.’
‘What day?’ Alison asked, sure, quite sure what was coming next.
‘I’m not sure…’ Rose’s forehead crinkled as she tried to recall. ‘Memory like a sieve—I’ll ring tomorrow.’
To arrange a sudden barbecue, Alison thought, but didn’t say. ‘‘Night, Mum.’ She kissed her mother on the cheek and went upstairs, headed for her room and wished, wished, wished she’d met Nick in a couple of months’ time, when she had her own flat.
But as Alison climbed into bed, she knew it wasn’t that simple.
In thirty days’ time, twenty-eight, in fact, she’d have been in more of a position to let him into her life.
To climb on a bike and head into the hills and, yes, maybe not tonight, but the way her body had thrummed to his kiss, soon, very soon, the night would have had a very different conclusion. Her own reaction tonight, though so natural at the time, startled her now as she lay there. She wanted to ring him, right now this minute, to explain that this was out of character for her. That wine and kisses on the beach. She burnt at the memory, but it was in embarrassment now. She wasn’t like that—well, she was, but only with him.
He’d hardly appreciate the admission, Alison realised. Nick had wanted fun, so too had she.
Maybe it was better this way, Alison decided, turning to the wall and willing sleep to come.
Maybe caution was merited here, even if she resisted it, because, as a little voice in her head grew louder, Nick would be around for a couple of months only and two weeks of that had already gone.
Yes, if she had the flat, if she had some freedom, she could let him more into her life.
But how much harder would it be then to have him leave?
‘ALISON, could I have a word?’ Nick caught her right at the end of her shift on Friday when all week she’d done her absolute best to avoid him.
Of course they’d talked, but about patients and things, and Alison had been very careful to take her break only when Nick was busy with a patient, but just as she thought she’d got through the working week he caught her at three-twenty p.m. as she and Ellie headed for the bus stop.
‘I’m rushing for the bus.’
‘We’ve already missed it, the next one isn’t due for twenty minutes.’ Ellie, dear Ellie, beamed. ‘I’ll wait for you at the stop.’
‘Sorry,’ he started, ‘I haven’t been avoiding you, and there just hasn’t been a chance to talk to you.’
‘I know.’ Alison smiled, even though she’d engineered it that way. ‘It’s been a crazy week.’
‘Look, about this weekend,’ Nick said. ‘I thought we could go out.’
‘You’re going away.’
‘I’d rather…’ There was a rare awkwardness to him. ‘I’m happy to give it a miss. I’d rather spend some time with you.’
‘I’ve got a family thing tonight…’ Alison said, which was now true. ‘My dad’s brother’s having a barbecue, it’s always a bit awkward…’ She saw him frown. ‘My dad’s dead, we get together and it always ends up a bit of a reminisce.’
‘What about the rest of the weekend?’ Nick was direct. It was a barbecue she was going to after all, so she struggled for an answer, one that let her off the hook.
‘I really have to go to the home furnishings store.’ It was the most pathetic of excuses. ‘I need some stuff for the flat.’
Somehow, and she really
