made it clear that he’d wanted out of their marriage, he’d wanted to sever the ties that held them together. And a marriage was little more than a piece of paper, a legal institution. A child was flesh and blood, a lifelong responsibility. The last thing Nikki had wanted was to use their baby to try to hold on to him. She’d loved him too much to settle for less than his love in return.
“Are you okay?” Arden asked gently.
She grabbed another tissue and wiped her nose. “This morning, I thought I was in complete control of my life. Then Colin showed up and turned everything upside down.”
“You had to know he’d come back sometime.”
“I used to think he would,” she admitted. “For the first year after he’d gone, every time there was a knock at the door, I was half hopeful, half afraid, that it might be Colin. Then, as the weeks turned into months, and the months into years, I was less certain. With each passing day it became more apparent that he wasn’t coming back, until I’d convinced myself that he never would.”
“But now he has.”
“Yeah.”
“How did he react?”
“He thought…” She hesitated, surprised by how much it hurt to replay Colin’s words in her mind. She could still see the accusation in his eyes, hear the challenge in his voice. “He thought I hadn’t told him because I didn’t know if he was the father.”
“Oh, Nic.” Arden wrapped her arms around her. “You know he didn’t mean that. He’s hurting, and he lashed out. It’s a normal reaction.”
She gave a short, bitter laugh. “There’s nothing normal about this situation.”
“Give him some time.”
Somehow Nikki didn’t think any amount of time would diffuse Colin’s anger. “You have no idea how much I wish I could turn the clock back.”
“He had to be told.”
“I know.” She sighed regretfully. “I just wish I’d actually told him.”
Colin drove for a long time after he’d left Nikki’s house. Although a part of him wished he’d stayed and forced Nikki to give him the answers he needed, another part—maybe the more rational part—recognized that his emotions were running too close to the surface to be able to have a civilized conversation with her right now.
Instead, he got into his car and drove. It was a habit he’d acquired as a teenager—a way of venting steam after one or another blowup with his father—and one that was usually successful in helping him gain perspective on an issue.
Unfortunately, he was sure he could drive all the way to Texas and back and still not gain any perspective in this matter. He tried to sort out his feelings, but everything was so jumbled up inside he didn’t know where to begin. He didn’t know how he felt, how he was supposed to feel in the face of Nikki’s revelation. Mostly, he felt betrayed by the only woman he’d ever trusted with his heart.
It’s been five years. A lot has changed in that time.
Her words echoed in his mind again. She was right. A lot of things had changed—Nikki had changed. The woman he’d known, the woman he’d loved, would never have kept such a secret from him.
He still couldn’t believe she’d had a child and never told him about it.
Not just a child.
Their child.
He winced, remembering the absolute devastation he’d seen in Nikki’s eyes when he’d challenged her about not knowing the child’s paternity. He’d had no right to make such an accusation, no reason to believe she’d ever been unfaithful.
But how could she have done this to him?
Okay, so maybe he wasn’t completely innocent in this scenario. Maybe he shouldn’t have walked away from their marriage. But dammit, it wasn’t as if he’d known she was pregnant.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. Well, now he knew. But he didn’t know what he was going to do about it.
He didn’t know anything about being a father. His own had hardly been a shining example. Richard McIver had dedicated his life to the legal profession and nothing—not the woman he’d married nor the two sons she’d given him—had ever competed with his career. He’d been absent more than he’d been home, and disinterested in his children when he was around.
Now, with no warm-up, no practice, no preparation, Colin was a father.
Oh, hell. Who was he kidding? He was more of a sperm donor than a father. That was the extent of his involvement in his daughter’s life thus far. He knew nothing about her other than her age and her name. He didn’t know her birthday, her favorite color, her favorite toys.
And he didn’t know what she knew about him. What had Nikki told their daughter about her father? How had she explained his absence to their child? Did Carly hate him for not being around? Or did she understand why he hadn’t been part of her life? Did she even want a father, or would his sudden appearance be an unwanted complication?
The unfairness of the situation struck deep. It wasn’t just that he didn’t know anything about his child—he’d never been given a chance to know her. Nikki had deliberately and continuously kept the existence of their daughter a secret for almost five years. Even now, because of a disgruntled player and circumstances out of his control, he might not get a chance to stay in Fairweather long enough to know her.
He thought again of the Gazette and the possibility—remote though it seemed—that the article could compromise his cover. While a part of him welcomed the opportunity for a showdown with Parnell, a chance to end things once and for all, he wouldn’t risk that confrontation occurring where his child could get caught in the crossfire.
Whether by accident or design, as he pondered these issues he found himself driving down Meadowvale Street toward his brother’s house—the home in which they’d both lived as children. He and Shaun had been close at one time, but after he and Nikki split up, Colin had resolved to stay as far away from Fairweather and all reminders of his ex-wife as possible.
He knocked at the door, then waited with something close to apprehension for his brother to answer. He hadn’t been back since his father’s funeral, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be here now.
“My prodigal brother finally returns.” Shaun’s quick smile took the sting out of his words before he enveloped his brother in a quick hug. “It’s good to see you.”
“You, too,” Colin told him, surprised by the sudden tightness in his throat.
“This family reunion calls for a celebration,” Shaun said, leading the way into the kitchen.
“You might not think so once you find out why I’m here.”
Shaun took a couple bottles of beer out of the fridge, twisted the cap off one and passed it to his brother, then did the same to his own. “You’ve seen Nikki,” he guessed.
“And my daughter.”
“Good.”
