UK!’
His comments made Ellie revisit afresh the gravity of the horrific event that had changed her life for ever, and the devastation she had undoubtedly left behind her. As well as that came the disturbing realisation that Nikolai had not resumed his life in the way she’d hoped he would, forgetting all about her. For long moments she struggled to give voice to her racing thoughts.
‘I don’t know why. It’s just a place like any other…a place where nobody knew us…where we could make a fresh start. My father was worried about me. That was why he took me away,’ she finally explained.
‘What was he worried about? That I would hold you in some way responsible for what happened to my brother despite the verdict reached by the courts?’
The cold slash of Nikolai’s chilling voice immobilised Ellie in her seat. Nervously she met the burning blue of his fiercely focused gaze, and it was like glancing into a frosted lake in deep midwinter.
‘Well, he was right!’ he spat out, laying down the wine list just as the soft-footed waiter returned to take their order.
Ordering the wine in a calmly controlled tone that was miraculously devoid of the rage he had just expressed, he told the man to give them a few extra minutes so that they could deliberate over the menu.
In the ensuing stomach-churning silence Ellie stared hard at the printed words in front of her in the leather-bound book, but they might have been written in Sanskrit for all the sense they made to her distracted gaze.
‘Have you decided?’ her stern-faced companion asked after less than a minute, the question sounding more like an impatient demand.
‘A Caesar salad will be fine,’ Ellie answered, hardly caring what she ate.
At a nod from Nikolai, another waiter peeled away from a nearby table and took their order. When they were alone again, Ellie set the menu aside and reached for the jug of water that was on the table, offering it to Nikolai first. He responded with a curt nod.
The barely contained animosity he emitted locked every muscle in her body with fear. Any threats this man made would not be empty ones, she knew. He had both the means and the will to make her suffer. As if she had not suffered enough—and in ways he probably couldn’t even begin to imagine…
‘How is—how is Arina?’ Finally plucking up the courage to enquire about the one thing she was desperate to know most of all, Ellie knew her voice was barely above a whisper.
Nikolai’s frozen glance did not thaw for even a second. ‘Do you not think you relinquished the right to know that five years ago?’
‘I never stopped caring about her…no matter what you might think!’
‘But you obviously did not care enough, or you would not have deserted her like you did!’
‘I didn’t mean to just leave her like that. You make it sound like it was a pre-meditated decision, and it wasn’t! I was hurt and traumatised from the accident, and for the first time in my life I let my father take charge and look after me. Was that so terrible? If you had seemed less closed-off and unapproachable, I would have talked to you about it… But—’
‘What?’
‘I knew you were hurting badly yourself…emotionally, I mean. You’d lost your brother…why wouldn’t you be? I know what a loss like that is like. The last thing I expected was that you would want me to stay on and take care of Arina. How could we possibly coexist under the same roof when it was clear that you hated me after what happened? Besides, I thought your wife might want to play more of a part in Arina’s upbringing when I left.’
‘Veronika and I are no longer married. We divorced not long after you disappeared.’
All the muscles in Nikolai’s face seemed to freeze for a moment, and Ellie felt genuine shock ripple through her at his news.
‘However I might have appeared,’ he continued gravely, ‘you should have put Arina’s welfare first…not your own! You simply ran away—like the coward I now know you to be!’
The comment was like a sharp-bladed dagger plunged into Ellie’s chest, and the pain that ensued took her breath away.
‘I’m not a coward!’ She slammed her hand down hard on the table and the glassware and crockery rattled. It felt as if every pair of eyes in the room was on her, but she was sick with misery and hurt at the unfairness of Nikolai’s cruel remark.
She understood his need to vent—he must have been storing up resentment over the years, desperately needing someone to blame. But Ellie had suffered too.
‘Is there no understanding or forgiveness in your heart at all?’ she appealed. ‘It’s been five years, Nikolai! Do you honestly think it will help you come to terms with your grief any better by holding onto blame?’
It was the first time she had used his name, and she saw the flicker of surprise in his eyes.
‘The answer to the first part of your question is no. There is no forgiveness in my heart where you are concerned, Elizabeth! I trusted you and you paid me back with nothing but deceit! You abandoned us…not caring what happened and clearly thinking only of your own position!’
Her stomach clamped in a vice of pain, Ellie glanced forlornly round at the other diners in the chic hotel restaurant, imagining she saw only pleasure and happiness reflected on their faces—states of mind that were a million miles away from what she was currently experiencing.
Inhaling deeply, she turned back to Nikolai. ‘How did I deceive you? I only left because I was hurt and in shock. Since when has that become a crime? And you’re wrong if you think I didn’t care about what you and Arina were going through. Especially Arina! There’s not a day that’s gone by when I haven’t wondered how she is! I’m so, so sorry if I added to her suffering and yours by going away. What more can I say?’
‘You ask how you deceived me?’ Nikolai drawled, the low-pitched timbre of his arresting voice sending an explosion of hot little shivers down Ellie’s spine. ‘Well…I will tell you. It is my belief that at the time of the accident you were having an affair with my brother.’
‘What?’
‘Not only were you having an affair, but you were also planning to elope with him—taking the baby with you! It is my belief that is why you were in the car together that day!’
‘That’s ludicrous!’
‘Is it, Ellie?’
His unexpected use of the shortened version of her name made Ellie stare at him for a suspended moment. Then the adrenaline flooding her body after his unbelievable words kicked in, and she felt quite ill at the implications that crowded in on her.
‘How do you know?’ Nikolai suggested with deadly softness, his gaze making a dazed prisoner of hers. ‘When you say you cannot remember anything? You two always seemed pretty close, and what other reason would you have had for agreeing to drive him that day? If he had wanted to go somewhere alone he would have rung for a cab…not taken you with him!’
A small helpless groan left Ellie’s throat, and she shook her head in frustration and misery at the yawning space
