he didn’t.
Because doing that would open a window into his heart, and if he did that, he’d never be able to walk away from Ellie Winston. He’d get tangled up in the kind of heated love story that he had always done his best to avoid. No, better to keep this cold, impersonal. Let her think the worst of him.
He let out a gust. “This is anything but simple.”
“Why? What is so bad about getting involved with someone, Finn? What makes you so afraid of doing that?”
“I’m not afraid of getting involved. We got married, remember?”
“In name only. That’s not a relationship. It’s a contract. And I know that’s what I said I wanted when we started this thing, but …” She let out a long breath and shook her head. “You know, a few times, I’ve thought I’ve seen a different side of you, a side that is downright human. And that made me wonder what it would be like to take a chance with you. I’m not a woman who takes chances easily, especially with my heart. But in the end, you keep coming back to being the Hawk.”
He scowled. “That’s not true.”
“You’re a coward, Finn.” She turned away. “I don’t know why I thought … why I thought anything at all.”
Why couldn’t she understand that he was trying to be smart, to put reality ahead of a fantasy they would never have? Acting without thinking and living in a dream bubble got people hurt. Ellie needed to understand that.
“You think we can turn this fantasy into a real marriage?” he asked. “Tell me the truth, Ellie. Was a part of you hoping that maybe, just maybe, we’d work out and make a happy little family with two-point-five kids and a dog?”
“No.” She shook her head, and tears brimmed in her eyes. Above them, a light rain began to fall, but they both ignored it. “Not anymore.”
His gaze went to the glass balcony door. The reflection of the neighborhood lights shimmered on the glass like mischievous eyes. Droplets of rain slid slowly down the glass, and Finn thought how like tears the rain could appear. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But I have to be clear. I can’t give you any more than what the contract stipulated.”
Ellie didn’t see the ramifications that he could. He had been through this already, seen his parents suffer every day they lived together. Sure, he and Ellie could have some hot, fiery romance, but in the end, they’d crash and burn, and the child would be the one who suffered the most. She was already starting to head down that road, and if he didn’t detour them now, it would go nowhere good.
Tears began to slide down Ellie’s cheeks, and for a moment, Finn’s determination faltered. “That’s all I am? A contract?”
“That’s what you wanted, Ellie. And it’s what’s best for all of us.” Then he turned on his heel and headed out into the rain.
Before the tears in her eyes undid all his resolve.
HE WAS having a good day. The smile on Henry Winston’s face told Ellie that, along with the doctor’s tentatively positive report. They were on an upswing right now, and her father was gaining ground. For the first time, the doctor had used the words “when he goes home.”
Gratitude flooded Ellie, and she scooted the vinyl armchair closer to her father’s bedside. Happy sunlight streamed through the windows of his room at Brigham and Women’s Hospital. Her father had more color in his face today. The tray of food beside him was nearly empty. All good signs. Very good.
After last night’s bitter disappointment with Finn, Ellie could use some good news. She’d tossed and turned all night, trying to think of a way to convince Finn to help her with Jiao. If he didn’t, how would she make this work? He hadn’t said for sure he’d get an annulment, but she hadn’t heard from him since the conversation on the balcony. She could pick up the phone and call him herself, but she didn’t. Because she didn’t want to hear him say he’d ended their marriage. And ended Ellie’s hopes for adopting Jiao.
Maybe Linda could try appealing to the Chinese again. Perhaps if they saw how committed Ellie was to adopting Jiao, they’d relent on the marriage rule.
Ellie bit back a sigh. From all Linda had told her, that was highly unlikely. Ellie was back at square one, with Jiao stuck in the same spot. Finn had let her down. He’d accused her of wanting this to be a real marriage.
Was he right? Did a part of her hope, after those kisses and that dinner, and all the jokes and smiles, that maybe this was turning into something more than just a platonic partnership?
She glanced out the window, at the city that held them both, and at the same time separated them, and realized yes, she had. She’d let herself believe in the fairy tale. She’d started to fall for him, to let down her guard, to do the one thing she’d vowed she wouldn’t do—entangle her heart.
Time to get real, she told herself, and stop seeing happy endings where there weren’t any.
For now, Ellie focused on her father instead. One thing at a time. “How are you doing, Dad?”
“Much better now that you’re here.” He gave her a smile, one that was weaker than Henry’s usual hearty grin. But beneath the thick white hair, the same green eyes as always lit with happiness at her presence. “They’ve got me on a new med. So far, it seems to be working pretty well.” He lifted an arm, did a weak flex. “I’ll be ready to run the Boston marathon before you know it.”
She laughed. “And the Ironman after that?”
“Of course.” He grinned, then flicked off his bedside television. His roommate had gone home yesterday, so the hospital room was quiet—or as quiet as a room in one of Boston’s busiest medical facilities could be. “How are you doing, Ellie girl?”
“I’m fine, Dad. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Ah, but I do. There’s some things that don’t stop just because your kids grow up.”
She gave her father’s hand a tight squeeze. She wasn’t about to unload her problems on his shoulders. He had much more important things to worry about. “You just concentrate on getting better.”
“How are things going with the adoption? I’d sure love to meet my granddaughter.”
Ellie sighed. “I’ve run into a bit of a snag.” Then she forced a smile to her face. Worrying her father—about anything—was not what she wanted. Henry didn’t need to know about her marriage or her new husband’s refusal to help. Chances were, Finn had already filed the annulment and Ellie’s marriage was over before it began. For the hundredth time, she was glad she’d kept the elopement a secret from her father. “It’ll be fine. It’ll just take a little bit longer to bring Jiao home.”
“You sure? Do you want me to call someone? Hire a lawyer?” Her father started to reach for the bedside phone, but Ellie stopped him.
“It’ll be fine. I swear. Don’t worry about it at all.” She didn’t know any of that for sure, particularly after Finn had told her he wanted nothing to do with the adoption,
