he’d shared with her too.
Only not enough.
A wave of cold air swept over her body, sending a little shiver across her skin.
That was it. That was what was wrong.
She turned and looked at his profile as they walked along the path. She could almost sense he was in as much turmoil as she was. They weren’t talking. They were simply holding each other and walking. But at some point they were going to reach the crescendo of what was happening between them. Reach the tipping point.
Her velvet coat wasn’t giving her any warmth right now. The cold feeling wouldn’t leave her.
Iain had told her about his wife. He’d told her about his babies. It must have truly broken his heart. But there was more. There was more that he hadn’t told her.
And if they really had a chance at a relationship, she had to know what it was.
It was haunting them. It was a dark stormcloud permanently hanging over their heads. Because no matter how charming, how happy Iain seemed to be, the only time the shadows really disappeared from his eyes was when they were making love.
And it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for her any more.
Her stomach twisted. Iain still didn’t know. He still didn’t know about the fact she’d had a hysterectomy and couldn’t have children. He’d accepted her story about being injured by a horse as a young girl and had never questioned her scarring.
This was a man who had wanted a family. A family that she couldn’t give him.
Maybe his past experience would have put him off. Maybe he would tell her that he could never go through that again. It was a possibility. But it was one they had never discussed.
She had to get things out in the open. They had to get things out in the open.
She wanted honesty from him. She wanted full disclosure. No matter what it was.
Iain McKenzie had rapidly turned into her dream man. But his constant reassurance and support was about to backfire. Her new-found confidence made her realise what she wanted in this life.
She didn’t want to be a bystander. She didn’t want to be known as someone’s daughter. She wanted to be loved for who she was. She didn’t want things to be hidden from her. And she didn’t want to have to hide anything from him.
And while she didn’t mind the photos of Bonnie in Iain’s house, she didn’t know what they meant for them. Would Iain ever lose the shadows in his eyes? It was a miserable, selfish thought but she couldn’t compete with a ghost. If Bonnie still had the biggest part of his heart then Lexi shouldn’t be here. She couldn’t allow herself to be second best. No matter how cruel it might seem. She deserved better.
If this relationship had any chance at all, it was time to take the big step.
She stopped walking. ‘Iain, we need to talk.’
He turned to face her immediately and she sensed him hesitate as he drew in a deep breath.
Had he heard the tremble in her voice? Or was he noticing the sheen in her eyes?
Then, before she had a chance to say anything, his arms swept her in and his lips descended on hers.
It was as if all the rage and pent-up frustration was being translated into his passion for her. His arms cradled her, but his lips devoured her. Their teeth clashed as his tongue slid into her mouth. There was no mistaking how he felt about her.
And there was no mistaking how she felt about him.
He pulled back, breathless, his arms gently releasing their grip on her waist. In this dim light his dark chocolate eyes looked almost black. Darker than the bottom of his soul.
He’d blindsided her with that kiss. For a second all her rational thoughts had vanished, as had the sinking feeling in her heart.
They stood together next to the Thames, their warm breath visible in the cold air as her rapid heartbeat quietened to a mild canter.
She had to stay focused.
She had to think of the future.
Hers. And Iain’s. She needed more than his passion. She needed more than his protectiveness.
She needed his heart and his soul.
His hands rested on her hips. ‘Lexi, I’m sorry about my behaviour. When I saw him touching you like that—assaulting you—I saw red. It just descended all around me. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on him. I couldn’t wait to get him away from you. I didn’t want him near you.’
There was tension in his words—as if he’d just taken himself back to the moment again. He thought she was angry. He thought she wanted to talk to him about the incident with Jack.
‘I was filled with rage. I wanted to punch him senseless.’
She lifted her hand and put it on his chest. ‘And I might have let you.’
He shook his head. ‘But I never behave like that.’ He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment then gave her a sorry smile. ‘But, with hindsight, you seemed to have got the better of him yourself.’
She nodded. ‘But that doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate the help.’ This wasn’t the conversation she wanted to have. She didn’t want to waste a second of her life talking about Jack Parker.
She could tell Iain was nervous. Maybe he was worried about how he’d manhandled Jack in front of her. But Jack Parker and his welfare was the last thing on her mind right now.
He knew something was wrong. Even though his hands were on her hips, he couldn’t look her in the eye. They were fixed over her shoulder on Tower Bridge.
‘I need to ask you something, Iain.’
‘What is it?’ His eyes had met hers now. He looked worried. For the first time since she’d known him he looked afraid. What did Iain have to be scared of?
Maybe she should start slowly.
‘I need to ask you why. Why do you think you felt like that?’
Confusion swept his face. ‘Why do you think? Because he touched you, because he assaulted you. He should never have laid a hand on you.’
She breathed in slowly through her nose. ‘And you didn’t like that?’ She was trying to be controlled. She was trying to be measured. Iain meant the world to her and she was going to have to be strong to do this.
‘What about us?’
He stiffened, his shoulders pushing back and down, his body arching away from her. ‘What do you mean, “What about us?”’
She ran her tongue along her lips. All of a sudden her mouth was instantly dry. She could do with some of the wine she’d refused at the award ceremony. She knew exactly what she was doing. Even if Iain didn’t.
‘Where
