charters?
– Yes, sir!
– You Read the Funny Manuals?
– Yes, sir!
– And does it help?
– Yes, sir!
– But how? How can this crap possibly help? I mean, in your case.
– I think about all those people who wrote those instructions for us, who thought about us so that we are not lost somewhere in the void, that is, they took care of us, and I console myself that I am not alone in the Universe.
– You do? Give me one of your charters! If there’s nothing else available…
– Not at the moment, sir!
Not flying
– Hans, do you know where we are heading?
– Sure, sir!
– Where?
– Sector X14Y457!
– Where is it?
– In the system AW87Z478!
– Are you sure there is no error?
– Yes, sir!
– What?
– No, sir!
– Why is this light flashing then?
– We’ve got a failure, sir!
– So, we’re not flying anywhere, are we?
– No, sir!
– That is, if we were flying, then it would be to sector X14Y… What was there in the end?
– 457, sir!
– In the system AW and so on.
– Yes, sir!
– But at this very moment we are not flying at all!
– Not really, sir!
– When will we resume flying?
– I reckon, after we handle an incident, sir!
– Have we got an incident?
– Yes, sir! With the handle!
– We need to handle an incident with a handle?
– Yes, sir!
– Why, have we got an incident?
– You hung your cap on the switch handle for the emergency shutdown of the accelerator, sir!
– And?
– And it has shut down, sir!
– So why are you giving me all that shit? Put the ship control to manual mode, unblock the protection locker, lock the detection blocker, disarm the alarm system and prepare for the transition to Y-space!
– Yes, sir.
– And you know what?
– What, sir!
– Tie the handle of that switch to… to this pipe or something!
– Will do, sir!
Ass
– Hans?
– Yes, sir!
– Are you sleeping?
– Yes, sir!
– Am I?
– So are you, sir!
– How are we talking then?
– Through the subconsciousness reading system!
– But why do I see your ass all the time?
– I daren’t know, sir, probably it’s also in your subconsciousness.
– Hans!
– Yes, sir!
– Either you remove your ass from my subconsciousness straight away, or I’ll hit that ass of yours with my knee!
…
– Hans!
– Yes, sir!
– Where are you?
– I’m next to you, sir!
– In my subconsciousness?
– No, in the next bunk, sir!
– Hans, you’d better return your ass to my subconsciousness!
– But why, sir?
– Who knows what kind of crap is on your mind! At least you’ll be in sight!
– Will do, sir
Alien
– Hans, have you ever seen the aliens?
– No, sir, we were told at the Academy that the aliens do not exist.
– You were? What’s that swaying in the corner of the window?
– It’s a talisman, a mascot, Mickey Mouse, for luck, sir.
– Why is it green then?
– Probably it is sun-bleached, sir.
– Are you nuts? We are in another galaxy, there is no Sun around!
– Sorry, sir, It may have faded due to space radiation.
– So, you are saying that this thing brings luck?
– Yes, sir!
– We are here, you and I, in the damn ship, at the damn edge of the Universe, being exposed to damn radiation along with your damn mascot? And you call it luck?
– Probably that is required for our mission, sir!
– Get this crap off the glass! This is an order, Hans!
Fuel
– Hans, why are we wobbling like that?
– We entered the turbulence zone, sir!
– What
