That's an enabler,” Ron assured me. In their case, the kids were working hard and doing everything they could to build their own financial lives. So it made sense to help once they had their own future secured.
I was also struck by something very wise that Roy brought up: a parent–child relationship is a financial relationship. I had never really thought of it that way, and in our society, while few of us would openly frame it that way, it is often the case. We as parents feel societal pressure to use our financial resources on our children. And let's not forget that we may need our children to spend their financial resources on us at one point. There needs to be a family financial ecosystem of mutual support. In many cases it will mostly function as financial resources going from the older generation to the younger, but we all need to be prepared to adapt as needed and as we go through life.
Which brings us back to that phone bill and how it is that Jason, this nonmaterialistic, financially conservative guy still wasn't paying his own bill as he approached age 40.
In short, Jason defended his decision to let his dad keep paying his cell phone bill as part of their family plan – but not because he needs it. After way too many questions about this, it came out that it's basically become a family bonding ritual. Every month Roy sends out an email with things like who sent out the most texts and how much data each person is using. Jason always wins that one, and he blames it on his four-year-old who he says watches a lot of videos at restaurants. His mom wins for most text messages, and his dad wins for voice calls. In other words, the bill is no longer about the money; it's become a game they can play to connect. I'd say money well spent.
Review
1 Even after our young adult children have launched financially, we may want or need to selectively provide support during some of our child's adult life.
2 To be able to provide support for our children, we need to make sure we first prioritize our own financial well-being, and we need our children to understand that our financial needs will take precedence over their wants. Secure your own oxygen mask first, my friends.
3 Candid two-way conversations can help young adults better understand the financial decisions their parents face.
4 Establishing a family financial ecosystem that can adjust as time and needs change will create security. Parents should make sure kids know this might be reciprocal one day.
Notes
1 1. https://www.bankrate.com/pdfs/pr/20190424-financial-independence-survey.pdf
2 2. https://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/pay-adult-childrens-debt-poll/
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