it or worked with it. It is amongst my most important values to ‘be the change’, which means that what I offer you comes from deep within me. I am someone who has lived and continues to live deeply and, for some reason, has been given a voice of influence and countless opportunities to help others through my own experience.
Ironically, writing Finding Inner Safety took me on a deep journey of healing in which I realized that not only did I need to stop downplaying my own story, but I had something to share that could help others. I found a deep compassion – for myself and for my family and ancestors and the struggles they'd undergone. And I explored one of my most important Why's? Why am Ihere? According to Hindu and Buddhist philosophy, we are here for a reason, to fulfil a life purpose – this is called our dharma. I have long realized that in doing the work that I do I am fulfilling my dharma but I hadn't realized how much writing this book was a vital part of that life purpose. As I wrote, something settled in me and I found an even deeper sense of inner safety. This is what happens when we find our dharma and I have watched this happen with many others too.
Many of you will have your own incredible stories too and in all of these stories, including mine, there are common themes – uprootings, awakenings, and realizations; dealing with challenges, going into one's depths to source clarity and resources, finding mentors and building supports that enable you to emerge differently with a deeper sense of inner safety.
I trust that you find inspiration, hope, and energy to embark on your journey. Maybe the sharing of my story will help you to understand your own story, shed your own tears, and find your own liberation.
My book is organized into four main parts, together with a Prologue, Introduction, and Epilogue. I start by telling a personal story that showed me, without doubt, why safety matters and where it really comes from.
Part One: The Illusion of Safety
As I write this book, we are in the midst of a pandemic unlike anything any of us have ever been through. But even before this we had been living as compromised human beings, stress levels rising, mental health issues common, and, especially amongst our young, people are unable to sleep. But I believe that these aren't the real epidemics; at the heart of it we have become so disconnected from our true selves – our souls – and lost the ability to feel safe. In our technology-driven world we've also lost connection with others; for many people relating has become virtual, superficial, text-character-based. Man is, after all, a social animal, and it is in the building of authentic and deep connections that real safety can also be found.
What are we talking about when we talk about feeling safe? I propose that there are four levels at which we might seek to feel safe – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Human beings are complex and we feel safest when we are integrated and whole on these four levels – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. I will invite you to think about how you feel on each of these levels. Thus, you can become more intimately acquainted with your unique relationship with feeling safe and, importantly, discover where the healing lies for you.
Part Two: When the Nervous System Is Nervous
In the second part, I introduce you to the physiology of feeling safe, the nervous system and the vital role it plays in helping us to survive or thrive. I believe that understanding the workings of your nervous system is crucial to your being able to navigate safely in a world that often feels unsafe. I also describe an important and relatively new physiological theory that I myself stumbled upon only a few years ago while working on this book and a particularly painful stage of my own healing journey. Today, this theory and its practical application is becoming increasingly important in the understanding and treatment of trauma both at the clinical level and in everyday life.
Part Three: Nature Cures
This part of the book is very dear to me. Initially, the scientist in me worried that what I was writing was whimsical and fluffy and that I'd be called a tree hugger! In order to write it, I needed to retreat into myself for a while. It was August 2021 and in London we hoped we'd come out of the pandemic. People weren't sure what to do with themselves; it felt as if the world was in a lull – a perfect time to be still and write about safety from a different perspective and one that even my ‘gurus’, neuroscientist Dr Stephen Porges and trauma therapist Deb Dana, hadn't written about – the healing potential of trees and their ability to show us how to feel safe. These respected professionals are considered by many to be amongst the top pioneers in the relatively new field of ‘safety science’.
My gut or intuition was guiding me strongly here, driven by the question: What is the counterbalance to all of noise out there? The opinions and divisiveness in our world? The uncertainty that we're all facing at the moment? All of this serves to take us even further away from feelings of safety and surety. Can trees, just by virtue of how they exist and operate, demonstrate to us all what feeling safe really means? In this section of my book I show you that they truly can.
My aim in writing this book is to take you deep. We can't ‘do’ feeling safe unless we are prepared to plunge our depths. This means going back to the source or the roots of our relationship with feeling safe, where we came from, through tramlines of parental and ancestral DNA from our parents and back to their parents, and their parents too. And even beyond . . . I started thinking – what if we go back to our very beginnings on earth? Can we learn something meaningful about how to feel safe in our changing world? According to James Lovelock, the prize-winning creator of the Gaia hypothesis, we are inextricably connected to our planet, to Mother Earth and nature.
In this third part, I write about the unexpected muse who turned up at the right time and helped me to deepen my understanding of the roots of our safety. Here I write about our relationship with nature – and trees in particular – what they can teach us about feeling safe and their amazing capacity to heal. I believe it can also teach us how to break free from patterns of survival and truly thrive. For too long we have been obsessed with our world of technology, speed, and consumerism and this is what we have looked to in order to feel secure. Right now, with our whole world in chaos and crisis, we need a different perspective and one that brings us back to who we are, our true nature.
Part Four: Doing the Real Work (of Finding Inner Safety)
The final part of my book is practical. Here, I share the resources that I have been learning about, practising myself, and teaching thousands of people for years. These are the practices – some of them very simple – that I have been sharing with people for decades, as well as practising myself.
In this resources section I share the tools that are based on my unique methodology. I take you through a process that is focused on bringing safety to those four crucial levels – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual – that I describe in Part One. Ideally, you will work your way through the practices and decide which ones work best for you. The nature of this work is deeply personal after all. However, I recommend that you start with the RESET practice, as my experience has shown me that preparing the foundations in this way sets you up to do the deeper work that comes later. I hesitated to call this section a ‘toolbox’ but I suppose it could be considered to be that, as embarking on the journey of building inner safety really is about ‘Doing the Work’, a label which I use throughout my book and which I ask you to become familiar with too. This is about doing the ‘the Work’ of becoming a more evolved human being, more self-actualized. I will share with you an array of tools that I've learnt from others, developed and practised myself, and shared with countless others. Over time, you will become more adept at selecting the tools you need at different stages of doing your own work.
In conclusion, Finding
