trauma returns to haunt us. Do your answers tell you something? Do they form a pattern? What does the pattern tell you? Items C, D, E, G, I, and K can play significant roles on your path to courage. You might want to pay particular attention to these items if you answered them in the Y and Z columns. I had many Z responses and dedicated time to go through therapists until I found an effective, change‐based one.COLUMN XCOLUMN YCOLUMN ZAEconomically stable Economically inconsistent Economically unstableB Emotionally nourishing Emotionally inconsistent Emotionally unsafe/traumaticC Unconditional affection Some affection Little affectionD Very high ethical principles Some ethical principles Whatever worksE Consistent fairness Some fairness Little fairnessF High responsibility Some responsibility Little responsibilityG No depression Some depression Depression was commonH Trained to do the right thing Some training to act rightly Little training to act rightlyI Adults did the right thing Adults struggled to act rightly Adults seldom did the right thingJ Healthy arguing Unhealthy arguing Violent arguingK Physically, emotionally safe Physically, emotionally uneven Physically, emotionally unsafeL Regular meals with family Irregular meals I was on my ownFigure 1.1 Home Life Living Conditions3 Many of us struggled in adolescence and junior high. Which of your teenage personality traits were the most difficult?Many find that what was a challenge for us as teens can reappear in adulthood. True for you?
4 Read across the rows in Figure 1.2 and circle the one that most closely describes you right now.FEATURE 1orFEATURE 2StressedOften worried, anxiousorUntroubledUnworried, keeps calmPressuredOften harried, hurried, rushedorPlanfulUnhurried, finishes earlyImpatientIrritable, frustrated, crabbyorPatientUnderstanding, forbearingSelf‐servingAmbitious, power‐seekingorSelflessFocuses on others’ needsInner‐focusedIt's my needs, feelings, issuesorOther‐focusedHelps others improveAbruptOften inattentive, thoughtlessorRespectfulAttentive, caringAgitatingComplains, carps, negativeorPeacemakingCalms othersPassiveAvoids controversies, hasslesorAssertiveCommunicates clearlyWorriedFeels weight of fallen worldorConfidentSelf‐assured, positivePerfectionistJudgmental, not good enoughorUnderstandingPerceptive, helpful, patientTiredOften exhausted, worn outorRestedRefreshed, renewedAvoids conflictUsually looks or turns awayorFaces conflictAddresses respectfullyToughOften inflexible, even meanorCompassionateHumane, warm, caringPreferentialFocuses on elites, favoritesorRespects allNo cliques, no favoritismIndependentWants to work soloorTeamingCooperates, helpfulPridefulCocky, self‐centered, arrogantorModestUnpretentious, unassumingDisengagedCan be aloof, isolatedorEngagedRelational, personableDiscouragedOften down, pessimisticorEncouragesSupportive, strengthensAngryQuick‐tempered, volatileorPeacefulHarmonious, tranquilDiscontentedRestlessly malcontentorContentedSatisfied, at equanimityFigure 1.2 Emotional AssessmentYes, you guessed it: you were asked to denote some negative and less flattering behaviors. The Courage Playbook believes that while assets are important, the first step of a journey begins best on the first rung of the ladder so we can see our starting point.In questions 5–13: Disagree or Agree using the following Likert scale.Note: The “cowardly number,” 3, is not an option.12*45strongly disagreedisagree—agreestrongly agree
5 _____ I worry less about life in general than I did two years ago.
6 _____ I sleep more deeply than I did two years ago.
7 _____ I more quickly forgive those who disrespect or hurt me than I did two years ago.
8 _____ I am more physically fit than I was two years ago.
9 _____ I am more content emotionally than I was two years ago.
10 _____ I listen more closely to my spouse/significant other than I did two years ago.
11 _____ I have greater self‐governance than I did two years ago in dealing with others.
12 _____ I have greater self‐governance in eating than I did two years ago (i.e. junk food).
13 _____ I have greater self‐governance than two years ago related to alcohol, drugs, addictions, and screen time.2 Per Mayo Clinic, if you routinely sit, you should get up and move every 30 minutes to forestall heart disease, obesity, and cardiovascular disease.3
The Bio reminded Gary that his father had punished him for getting less than perfect grades, for enjoying sports and expressing an opinion. His father wouldn't listen, frequently criticized his wife and kids, enjoyed hurting Gary and his brothers with sarcasm and disrespect, and refused to improve. Gary has taken on some of his father's worst reactive behaviors regarding people and stress and has become fatalistic about people's ability to change. As frustrations with Dr. Bellevue escalated, his positive coping skills and general health have declined.
Section II: Reflections (12 Questions)
1 How might your family background be affecting how you see your life and how you treat others today?
2 My 3 Best Personal Behaviors:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
3 My 3 Worst Personal Behaviors:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________We improve by using our strengths (such as intelligence, diligence, and creativity) to turn around our weaknesses (such as excuses, avoidance, and blame). As an assistant dean, I counseled inner‐city Educational Opportunity Program (EOP) university students. Johnny was a billiards expert who struggled with books. I suggested that studying was like his 8‐ball strategy (assessment, selection, key balls, position, angles, and obstacles). He began applying the diligence he had in one space to practicing it in an area of weakness. Johnny was in the leading edge of first EOP college graduates and became a CPA. Can you pair a best behavior of yours with a worst one to turn it around?
4 To improve as a person, what 3 behaviors would you change?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Your answers here are key.
5 In Figure 1.3, check The One—only one—that best states your core primary identity in life right now.Select only one that best describes you right now AIt's most important that I financially support myself/my family. BMy feelings inform me of what's right and how to navigate life. CMy intellect, reasoning, knowledge, and logic direct my life. DA successful and rewarding career is #1 for me right now. EMore than anything, I am results‐oriented in how I live. FMore than anything, I am my belief system about the world. GMy creative, artistic, aesthetic, and innovative abilities are truly at my central core. HI am a family person; my family is number one. IMore than anything, I am a relational being; my relationships are at my central core. JI am focused on being a good person who does not do wrong things. KMy physical health, fitness, and conditioning are the basis for being able to do all else. LOther:Figure 1.3 Core Primary IdentityWe usually want to check more than one box. Here we discern our current, primary core identity. (Are you fundamentally your job, relationships, or values?) Research says that courageously doing the right thing positively influences everything from A to L.
6 Reflecting on your life, what essential thing have you yet to accomplish?
7 What might your answer to #19 reveal about who you are?What we focus on is important.
8 What 3 behaviors
