so excited to get married and you’re sitting with your family one afternoon chatting about how the wedding planning is going. You start talking about the beautiful white flowers you’ve picked, because white flowers are your favorite, and someone in your family says, “I hate white flowers. Why would you pick white flowers?” All of a sudden, you’re second-guessing every decision you made. In this section we’ll talk about how it’s important to set boundaries with the ones you love the most while planning your wedding.
I once watched a mother of the bride walk down the aisle while screaming profanities about the groom and how she didn’t like him. I couldn’t fathom what was happening right in front of my face. How could someone do this? How could anyone possibly think that this was the time to let everyone know what she thought about the person her daughter was about to marry? I stood there not knowing what to do. Was I supposed to tackle her, or just stand there and cry with the bride? How dare she do this to my friend!
That was a traumatic experience, but the fact is that people around you may often insert their thoughts and feelings about something you’re planning for the wedding. There is a reason for this. There is always a “why,” and I challenge you to find that out. It will open communication and help avoid problems down the road or aisle.
Why did this mom do this to her daughter? My guess is that from the time her daughter got engaged until the wedding, they never once spoke about the fact that mom didn’t like the groom. It was brewing inside and when she hit the aisle, everything came to the surface, and it was not good.
How many guests do you plan on inviting?
Do have a particular menu in mind?
Do you have an idea of what kind of entertainment you want to provide?
Is there anything that you want to see at the wedding?
Are you excited about the big day?
Do you have any reservations about the wedding day?
Having conversations with your parents will help you avoid any problems down the road. As the mother of three girls, I’m certain that I will be feeling all kinds of emotions when they get married. I hope that those emotions come out in a positive way. If they don’t, it’s most likely because I felt as though my opinion or voice didn’t matter. That is my “why.” I want my voice to matter.
In Chapter 2 we’ll talk about picking the perfect bridal party. They are your people. Some you have picked, and some are picked for you because they’re family. Regardless, you have them and everything that comes with them. My hope for you is that they behave, but what if they don’t? Too often, clients tell me stories about something one of their bridesmaids is doing or a groomsman who isn’t holding up to his job duties. Regardless of what the situation may be, it only stresses out the couple, leaving them frustrated and wishing they had picked a better squad.
Just as in marriage, communication is key to setting boundaries with your bridal party. Logistical details are all they need to know during the wedding planning process. Give them the specific information they’ll need, such as what to wear, when to arrive at the rehearsal, the time and location of the rehearsal dinner, and what time to be at the venue on the wedding day.
I know you’re excited about the details and you may want to share those. But please know that your bridal party will have opinions, so if you’re comfortable with listening to their opinions, then share away. It would be amazing if when you share details with them, they are excited and think your choices are the best possible choices. However, the frustration comes in when they offer their opinion and it upsets you. I don’t want that happening for you.
Continuing to date your fiancé
Remember that time you and your fiancé used to date? You had butterflies just thinking about going out on the town together or cooking dinner at home. Now you’re in wedding planning mode and all you do is talk about the wedding. Your conversations may even end in a big fight because you can’t possibly understand why it’s important to your fiancé to play a certain song at the reception. You hate that song and don’t understand why they like it and there is no way you are playing that song, so you argue. In this section we’ll discuss the importance of dating the person you are going to marry and maintaining the relationship through the wedding planning process.
You’re planning an event and problem-solving together. This can bring up unexpected emotions because, let’s face it, planning a wedding is a big deal. But you’re both different people. One of you may be so excited about the details while the other feels stressed and overwhelmed. In your marriage, there will be decisions that you have to make together — big decisions like buying a house or car or starting a family.
