size, a simple bow and antiquated stern make me think of old foreign chronicles and ages long ago.
I inspected the timbers of the ship. I am not familiar with the wood the ship is built of but there is something about it that strikes me. The wood is extremely porous and old. It seems to me that it has every characteristic of Spanish oak, if Spanish oak were distended by any unnatural means.
I remembered an old weather-beaten Dutch navigator that usually said, “It is as sure as sure as there is a sea where the ship itself will grow in bulk like the living body of the seaman[35].”
About an hour ago, I got myself among a group of the crew. They paid no attention to me although I stood in the very midst of them all. It seemed they had no clue about my presence. I noted that all of them were really old. Their knees trembled, their shoulders were down; they had wrinkled skin, low voices and gray hair. Strange and obsolete[36] mathematical instruments were all around them.
Our ship continued its course due south despite raging waves of ocean[37]. I just left the desk because I could not stay on my feet. The crew, however, has no problem with it.
It is a miracle to me that we were not swollen by the ocean yet. We slipped away from the waves like sea gulls. The only explanation for this, I think, is that some strong current keeps us afloat.
I saw the captain face to face. I met him in his own cabin and, as I expected, he paid no attention to me. His appearance inspires respect for him. His face has the stamp of a myriad of years. His gray hairs are records of the past, and his grayer eyes are sibyls of the future. The cabin was full of iron-clasped folios, moldering instruments of science and obsolete long-forgotten charts. The captain had a paper in his hands with the signature of a monarch. He muttered to himself some curses of a foreign tongue. Although I stood next to him, his voice seemed distant.
The ship and everything on it have the spirit of old age. The crew go around like ghosts. I was a dealer in antiquities for all my life and I saw the shadows of fallen columns at Balbec[38], and Tadmor[39], and Persepolis[40]; but nothing ever gave me such strange feeling as seeing them.
When I look around me, I feel ashamed of my former fears. There is no word to describe the battle of wind and ocean that captured us. All near the ship is the blackness of eternal night and a chaos of foamless water. The only thing I can see through the blackness is ramparts of ice that look like the walls of the universe.
As I thought, the ship proves to be in a current, if I may say so. It runs on to the southward with a speed of a waterfall.
The horrors of my sensations is indescribable. Yet I feel curious about where we are going. Obviously, we are on the verge of a great discovery. Perhaps this current leads us to the southern pole itself; there are many signs in favor of that[41].
The crew nervously walk around. But it feels like they are full of hope rather than the apathy of despair.
In the meantime, the wind still carries us from the bottom to the top and vice versa[42]. Oh, horror upon horror! Suddenly the ice opens to the right and to the left. We are whirling dizzily in immense circles. The walls of ice are now lost in the darkness and the distance. The circles rapidly grow small – we are plunging madly within the grasp of the whirlpool and – oh God! – going down.
William Wilson
Let me call myself, for the present, William Wilson. It is not my real name. That name is an object for the scorn, for the horror of all. Did not wind carry my infamous name to all regions of the globe? Am I not forever dead to the world? Does not a dark cloud hang eternally between my hopes and heaven?
Men usually become bad by degrees[43]. But from me, all my goodness dropped in a single moment, as if I dropped a coat. From little acts of weakness I passed, in one giant step, into pure evil. I will tell what one event brought me into this. Death is near, and its shadow softened my soul. I desire for the sympathy and pity of other men. I wish them to believe that I was the slave of circumstances beyond human control. I believe no other man was ever tempted as me, and no other man ever fell as down as me. Was not I living in a dream? Am I not dying from the horror of this dream?
My family is well-known for its choleric temper. I inherited the family temper and, as I grew older, it became stronger. My friends had hard times dealing with my bad character and the hurt it did me was great. I grew stubborn and always wanted people to do things my way. My parents, weak in mind and body, could never stop me from doing the wildest things. Their weak attempts to do so always failed which made me saw no authority in them. In our house, my voice was a law. Unlike other children, I was the master of my own actions.
I spent my early years in a small, misty-looking village of England. My school was in a large, very old house that stood among a great number of big trees. All of the houses there were very old. In truth, that old town was a dream-like and spirit-soothing place. I remember the freshening coolness of its streets, the smell of its thousand bushes and the feeling I had whenever I heard the church bell. I enjoy recalling these memories – as much as it possible to enjoy something in my suffering. Not only it gives me pleasure, but is important in the understanding of my following fate. Let me then remember.
The house, as I said, was old and wide. Its territory was large and surrounded by a solid brick wall. Three times a week we were allowed to go beyond this wall. On Saturday, we took brief walks through some of the neighboring fields, and on Sunday, we went twice to the only church of the village. The head-teacher of our school was also the head of the church. With a spirit of deep wonder I used to watch him there! In church, it was a man whose face seemed to be the embodiment of modesty[44] and whose clothes were glossy out of cleanness. In school, this same man stood with a stern face and clothes far from clean and was ready to strike us for disobeying him. Oh, this paradox is too great for my mind!
I well remember our playground behind the house. There were no trees, nor benches; the ground was as hard as stone. In front of the house there was a small garden, but we hardly ever visited it. We went through this garden only when we first arrived in the school or finally departed from it.
But the house! It was truly a palace to me. There was really no end to it. It was always hard to say on which of two floors I happened to be. There were three or four steps either up or down from each room to every other. The rooms branched into each other, and these branches were too many to count. During the five years I was there, I always had trouble to explain someone how to find the room where I and some other twenty boys lived. The schoolroom was the largest in the house – and I could not help thinking so, in the world. It was very long and low, with pointed Gothic windows and a ceiling of oak. In a far corner was the office of our head-teacher, Mr. Bransby. The door of the office was thick and heavy, and no one ever would dare to open it in Mr. Bransby absence.
Five years passed between the massy walls of this academy. Interestingly, a child does not need the outside world to be amused. As a child, I found more pleasure in monotony of the school than as a young man in riches or an older man in crimes. Usually people do not remember their early life but I remember mine clearly.
I was different
It is as sure as sure as there is a sea where the ship itself will grow in bulk like the living body of the seaman. – Это так же верно, как то, что есть море, где сам корабль растет, подобно человеческому телу.
obsolete – устаревший
raging waves of ocean – бушующие океанские волны
Balbec – Баальбек, древний город в Ливане
Tadmor – Тадмор, город в центральной части Сирии
Persepolis – Персеполь, древнеперсидский город на юго-западе Ирана
in favor of that – в пользу этого
and vice versa – и наоборот
by degrees – постепенно
the embodiment of modesty – воплощение скромности
