names, or avoid any difficulties, become overanxious or unnecessarily emotional, and even cry from not being able to accomplish something.
It can be quite difficult sometimes to help a child gain confidence. However, there is an easy 5-step system which can improve your chid’s self-esteem.
First, though, let’s consider why children get low self-esteem.
Before the frontal lobes and awareness turn on (13—14 years old), children see themselves as individuals through a prism of their surroundings.
If a child is told “you are dense, you are hopeless, you are irresponsible, you are stupid, you are sloppy, you are lazy,” etc., they will start to believe it and become it.
Adults always have an impact on children. If a teacher at school or parents express such judgments towards a child, then it will affect the child’s life and the life of the family as a whole.
There are four ways of raising a child: “you are bad, the world is bad”, “you are bad, the world is good”, “you are good, the world is bad”, “you are good, the world is good”.
Raising a Child with Mindful Communication
Raising a child with the first, second, and third mindset lowers their self-esteem and kills their strive at its root.
Typical phrases of the “you are bad, the world is bad” model are:
– “If you don’t study, no one will hire you.”
– “If you can’t read, you will just become a janitor.”
– “If you don’t write, you won’t even be able to get a passport – they simply won’t give it to you.”
– “If you can’t count, all the stores will rip you off.”
– “If you are illiterate, what will become of you? Life will be very difficult for you.”
– “How long do you have to sit and do those lessons, are you stupid or something?”
– “You read so slow! At this rate, you’ll hardly move on to the next grade.”
Typical phrases of the “you’re good, the world is bad” model are:
– “You confused the syllables? No wonder, look at how it’s written, even adults would struggle with it.”
– “You read unclearly? Well, whoever needs to understand will understand.”
– “Maybe you do it slowly, but at least you do it on your own. Don’t worry, you can listen to stories, how fast you read doesn’t matter.”
– “I’d like to see the authors of the textbooks.”
– “I don’t agree with their methods at all.” (Said in front of the child)
– “Don’t listen to anyone, I know you read better than the rest.”
– “Don’t take it to heart, you’re smart and they are ignorant.”
Typical phrases of the “you’re bad, the world is good” model are:
– “What, you mixed up the syllables again? Dasha read it without any mistakes!”
– “At your age, I could read fast and got all A’s.”
– “Look at you, reading syllable by syllable. Meanwhile, all your classmates are already reading fluently.”
– “You read so badly, everyone will move on to the next class and you’ll stay behind for another year.”
– “What, you can’t even remember the times table for two? Everyone else has already learned it for nine.”
– “What’s with this chicken scratch! All the letters are crooked, mistake after mistake, look at how nicely Peter and Vanya write.”
– “If a person is told 100 times they are a pig, they will start to oink like one.”
For this reason, the first step is to try to create a system of raising children using the fourth model: “the world is good, you are good.”
In this model, phrases like the following are used when talking to the child:
– “Good job, you can do it. If you have questions or problems, someone will help you.”
– “Know that I believe in you! You will have strong opponents at the competition, but I’m sure you can do your best.”
– “Well done! Yesterday you read 30 words/min., and now you read 34. You’re making progress, good job.”
– “You’ve already memorized the times table for two. I’m happy for you. I’m sure you can memorize the rest. But that doesn’t mean it will memorize itself for you.”
– “Look how nice your letters A and O turned out. Let’s try to write the next ones just as nicely.”
– “You mixed up the syllables. Let’s try to find where they belong.”
– “The more you put into something, the bigger result you’ll get.”
The second step is to find your child’s strengths.
A child’s strengths may be obvious or not obvious, big or small.
The best way to do this is to take narrow pieces of paper and list various qualities which could generally be counted as a person’s strength.
Personal qualities, social skills, communication skills, knowledge, math skills.
Next, sit down with your child at a table and ask them to help you choose the qualities your child already possesses. In order to make it easier for you to make a control list, you can use the program “Garland”. You will find there a list of strengths divided into categories. The only thing left to do is to print it out and choose with your child which qualities they have.
The third step is to visualize achievement.
The best way to confirm a child’s success is with a tangible result – a diploma, award, any physical confirmation of words.
For this, you can have a table of accomplishments or records where you mark, for example, their best result in reading.
Likewise you can make a garland of your child’s strength, which you determined previously, and attach ribbons together.
Hang the garland in a visible place in the child’s room (near the bed or above the desk).
Then, every time they walk by the garland, your child will get a visual confirmation (reminder) of your words.
The fourth step is to constantly
