Butterflies. Ksana Gilgenberg
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“Anyway, you should wait a bit,” Lika pleaded, “Don’t act rashly, you should think it over first. There might be another way out…”
“I’ve made up my mind,” Rita declared without any hesitation. “Mum and Dad are going to Turkey next week, and I’m going to the doctor’s to have the problem solved.”
Lika heaved a sigh. “So I have a week only,” she thought.
Chapter 6
About Rita
Lika did not notice how she had got home. Deep in her thoughts about Rita’s fate and the way she could help her, she automatically greeted her aunt and answered all the questions the relative asked her, but if asked to repeat their conversation, she would definitely fail to remember a single word from it. When she got into her room, she fell down onto her bed facing the wall and shut her eyes. It immediately brought the memories about Vlad into her mind; as bright flashes she could see the yesterday photo on which he was so happy, and then the touch of his lips. In a moment, pleasant warmth spread all over her body making her heart flutter in her chest. She could feel both joy and pain. “I love you,” she whispered hotly, mentally addressing him. “How will I go on without you?” she was not going to cry, but tears ran down her cheeks.
“Are you all right?” suddenly there was a concerned Aunt’s voice from behind the door, which slightly opened.
“Yes,” she hurriedly began to wipe the tears away, but it was too late – Aunt Ann had entered the room.
“Well, I see you’re crying,” she flung up her hands, “Common, tell me what’s happened.”
“Nothing special,” Lika answered quickly searching the way she could avoid questions.
“That won’t do,” Aunt Ann folded her arms and made it clear with her facial expression that she was not going to move until she knew the whole truth.
“Okay,” Lika sighed sitting cross-legged on the bed “I’ve seen Rita. You remember she wouldn’t answer my calls… Well, she’s in trouble and it troubles me. I can’t tell you the details, I have no right,” she hastened to add foreseeing Aunt’s next question.
Aunt Ann looked closely at Lika for a while as if she wanted to get any confirmation of her words in her look and then, apparently, not seeing anything contradictory inside them, she said:
“Well, the thing that it’s not you who’s got a problem makes me happy. I thought you might be suffering because of him. Thanks God he’s left! I hope it’ll make you calm, and you’ll get a lungful of fresh air!”
“I guess, you’re speaking about yourself now,” smiled Lika.
“Right,” Aunt Ann was not going to deny anything. “I’ve breathed a sigh of relief and now I want you to do the same.”
Lika deeply breathed in and then breathed out. Aunt Ann laughed and kissed Lika on the forehead. In fact, the girl felt a bit better. “I’m so happy to have such a great aunt!” She thought staring after her aunt leaving the room.
Lika had another sigh, and slumping back onto her pillow, she again deepened into her thoughts. This time they were all about Rita. What had happened to her friend was awful and her heart ached from the inability to help with something essential in the current situation. Every time she thought about it, she imagined herself in Rita’s shoes and every time it made her feel an attack of despair moving up her throat. “Poor Rita!” she whispered, “What’s going to be with her now?”
“She’ll have an abortion and will live on. Or… she might not…”
Lika shook her whole body at those words that had run through her head and turned her head in search of the cat. Coco was not in the room.
“Don’t look for me. I’m in the kitchen,” it flashed in her mind.
“Coco, why are you saying this?” The girl outraged loudly.
“Because it’s true – I am in the kitchen!” the answer came.
“I’m asking about Rita,”
“That’s true as well, by the way! I always tell the truth!” Coco declared with pride.
“Is it really going to be this way?” Lika pondered, “Will she do this?”
“Yes, she will,” Coco affirmed, “Wouldn’t you do the same if you were her?” the cat insinuatingly asked in a while.
Lika shuddered, and goose bumps ran down her spine. She made an effort to prevent a single thought at that moment. “Keeping silent? That’s very reasonable. People tend to think how they would act in a given situation. They always look as if they know the right way. They always know the way others should behave under such circumstances, and with all their might they convince themselves that they would certainly go the right way, that they wouldn’t backslide.
Lika felt the colour high in her cheeks; her heart beating against her ribs.
“There’s also another type of people. Those avoid such reasoning, because they understand that they themselves would act in such a situation no better than the object being condemned or discussed, but they are quite sure nothing of the kind would ever happen to them.”
Uneasiness filled Lika’s heart. She understood that she had both of these, and it was painful because it all seemed to be true.
“What is more interesting about it is that both types sincerely believe,” it went on inside her head, “that the events have nothing to do with them. It’s just a mere chatter over an evening cup of tea, something like “Guess what? She’s had an abortion! I wouldn’t have done that!”
Lika flinched again, because somehow Coco’s voice became very similar to the voice of Marie, a young woman living in a neighboring flat.
“You could change ‘she had an abortion’ to anything else. She resigned, broke up with somebody, bought or didn’t buy, did this or did that. That’s not the point!” It seems that Coco was captured by its own monologue. Its words swept faster and faster in Lika’s head, and it became more difficult for the girl to catch the meaning of all the lot.
“The point is that they separate themselves from reality, they don’t want to see that what is happening around belongs to them to the same extend as to the one they are talking about! They don’t want to feel integrity! But it’s obvious! We’re all one! We’re all interrelated!” the last two phrases sounded fervently with awe, “Do you feel this?” Coco asked in the same tone.
Lika had already calmed down and tried to listen to herself, to what was inside her.
“Dunno,” she answered feeling nothing special.
“Common, let’s try again,” the voice affectionately insisted, “you can do it.”
“No, I can’t,” the girl sighed. She was not up to it now. “Look, why are you so sure Rita will do it?”
“Oh,