saying that his name was NOMAN. Wherefore, when Polyphemus said that NOMAN had blinded him, his brethren, the giants, thought that he meant to say that not a man, but a god, had blinded him. And even so Philo seemed to me, when he spake to the wise and learned, to call God no man; but when he spake to the foolish and unlearned, he called Him NOMAN, making them think He was a person.
But what troubled me in this revelation was, that it seemed not to leave any room or place for the Messiah, the Redeemer of Israel. And “Why,” thought I, “should the Word reveal himself only through the world, and not through mankind? But if he revealed himself through mankind (which Philo also would allow), why might he not reveal himself through a Messiah?” All that night I lay awake musing on the same thing, and asking whether it might not be that Philo spake truth in proclaiming the revelation of the Word, and yet John the son of Zachariah might also speak truth in proclaiming the revelation of the Messiah. But after long tossing of the matter in my mind I concluded that there was no cause why the one should destroy the other: so I prayed that both might be true.
But as for my former studies, and my old strict observances of the Sabbath and of the precepts concerning the use of purifications and concerning the consumption of nail-parings, and concerning the wearing of tassels, behold, all these matters began to seem unto me things far off, forgotten, and childish. And though I knew not clearly whither to turn, yet I felt at least that to them I could return no more; for I perceived that, even if I became as perfect in these matters as Abuyah the son of Elishah himself, yet should I none the more attain to peace, nor could I find in them that food for want whereof my soul was an-hungered. Wherefore I was now resolved in my mind of this one thing, in any case, namely, that the observance of the smaller precepts of the Law could not gain for me that Banquet, or Manna, or heavenly Draught of the Word of God whereof Philo had made mention. But what the true Manna might be, or how I might attain to it, this I did not as yet perceive. For I was, at that time, even as a little child in a boat without oars or sail, which hath drifted out unawares far into the open sea.
CHAPTER VI
Not many days after my discourse with Philo the Alexandrine, when I returned from the Great Library to my uncle’s house, a messenger was waiting for me, bearing a letter from Rabbi Jonathan. Opening it I read that my mother was suffering under a grievous disease, and being, as she thought, nigh unto death, she would fain see me before she died. So I straightway made all things ready for my journey, and having bidden farewell to my uncle, I set sail on the morrow from Alexandria, and on the fifth day arrived in Jerusalem; where, according to my mother’s desire, I purposed to offer sacrifice unto the Lord, and to make vows for my mother’s health.
The sun was well nigh set when I came to Jerusalem. But on the morrow, as I went up to the Temple through the narrow ways, amid the throng of them that sold oxen and sheep and doves, new thoughts and doubts rose in my heart, such as I had never felt before when I had gone up to sacrifice during the three great feasts. Methought the Lord must needs turn His face from so much traffic and disorder and defilement of His Holy House. On both sides of the gate Horæa, as far as Solomon’s porch, were shops of merchants and stalls of money-changers. Even in the Court of the Gentiles, which is a part of the Temple itself, there were penned flocks of sheep and oxen, with drovers and salesmen. Pilgrims and proselytes from all parts pressed and thronged; buyer reviled seller, and seller buyer; from the stalls of the money-changers one might hear the clink of money mixed with the sounds of contention. The stench also of so many cattle, being increased by reason of the great heat, made the ill-savour of the place almost past bearing. Also I could not but marvel at the greediness of the sellers. For the Chief Priests had let out the right of selling offerings at a great price, to make profit thereof for themselves, insomuch that a single dove was sold for a gold piece.
Then, again, when it came to the offering of the sacrifice, I must needs wait for the space of an hour whilst others were offering up their sacrifices; and the Levites and priests seemed all in haste, and did their work rather as an handicraft than as worship; and many others were sacrificing at the same time, and the cries and struggles of the victims, and the smoke and reek of the fat, and the blood flowing on all sides, caused the place to seem rather like a butcher’s shambles than like the House of the Lord. Now all this I had known and seen aforetime, yet had I never taken it to heart. But now there came to my mind certain words of Philo touching the sect called the Essenes, how they worship the Lord with an exceeding carefulness of purity: wherefore they think it not meet to sacrifice the blood of beasts unto the Lord, but they offer up their own hearts, purified so as to be a fit offering for Him. Also at this time (perchance because I was but freshly come from the lecture-rooms of the philosophers of Alexandria, or belike because the Lord would have it so to be, willing by easy degrees to open mine eyes, and to reveal unto me His Messiah) so it was that I could think of naught but the words of Isaiah the Prophet wherein the Lord saith, “I am full of the burnt offerings of rams, and the fat of fed beasts, and I delight not in the blood of bullocks, or of lambs, or of he-goats.” These words, I say, so possessed my soul that, even when the victim was being slain, I could not refrain from repeating them to myself again and again; albeit against my will, being fearful to pollute the sacrifice of the Lord. But though I made shift to dissemble my trouble until the sacrifice was ended, for fear of offending the priests, yet when I had returned to my lodging in the city, I could not forbear weeping; for behold, all worship seemed as vanity, and the children of men were in mine eyes as beasts of the field, void of understanding and given over to all folly; and God was He that had made them thus. Therefore I cried aloud in the fervency of my passion and said, “It is written, ‘On three things the world is stayed: on the Law, and on the Worship, and on the Bestowal of Kindnesses;’ and lo, I know not the interpretation of the Law; and worship is naught but vanity; and as for kindness, my heart is dry and empty of love, so that there is no kindness in me.”
On the third day after the sacrifice, I came to Sepphoris. My mother was so far recovered of her sickness that she was no longer despaired of by the physicians. For the time, my joy thereat, and our rejoicing together (because the Lord had suffered us to look on one another again) drove away my former searchings of heart: which notwithstanding presently came back upon me. My mother took a delight in my continual presence, and that I should sit by her bed, expounding unto her passages of the Law; and many a time, while I was doing this, she would make mention of the title wherewith I had been honoured by Rabbi Jonathan, who had called me “the plastered cistern.” But oftentimes it was not in my heart to find any words of comfort or hope, and when my mother longed for the draughts of the Law I felt that I was a dried-up cistern, and no longer full.
At the last, on a certain morning, my mother, having (as I suppose) noted my silence before, spake aloud reproving me, albeit gently, and saying, “Why flow not the drops of refreshment from the plastered cistern as in former days?” But I replied in haste, “Call me no longer, O my mother, a cistern. For lo, I am become even as a strainer, which letteth out the wine and keepeth in itself nothing but the dregs.” Then my mother wept bitterly, thinking that she had angered me, and that I had spoken falsely; and I also wept, partly for that I had made her weep, but still more because my words were true.
Then went I forth hastily into the street; and meeting Jonathan the son of Ezra, and Abuyah the son of Elishah, I accompanied them. And we came to the well that is on the road to Nazareth, about a thousand paces from the town, and there we sat down to rest. For a time we were silent. Then I turned to Rabbi Jonathan and said, “Simeon the Just was of the remnant of the Great Synagogue. He used to say, ‘On three things the world is stayed: on the Law, and on the Worship, and on the Bestowal of Kindnesses.’ Now there was a certain young man which observed the Law, and worshipped duly in the temple. Also he clothed the naked, and buried them that lay unburied, and fed the hungry: but there was no kindness in his heart. Is such an one, therefore, in the path of righteousness?” Then Abuyah replied at once, “He is righteous. For it is written concerning the statutes and judgments of the Law of the Lord that whosoever doeth them shall live in them; but whether he shall do them easily or with difficulty, or gladly or sorrowfully, concerning this, behold, nothing is written.” But Jonathan the son of Ezra was silent for a while, and said at last, “Antigonus of Soko used
