to get up early for work at a time you know is not ideal for yourself. Allow yourself to sleep later on non-work days, but don’t exceed a normal, healthy eight hours.
Some people experience waking in the night. When this happens, we have little reasoning available to us at that time, which is why we may feel anxious or frightened (like a Child). Or we may become self-critical – going over our day and all the things we got wrong or berating ourselves for what we haven’t done (as a Parent might). In the bright light of day, we know this isn’t helpful but at night we feel marooned in our fear. So, what to do?
Soothing yourself back to sleep
Waking up in the night is especially tough. Here’s how to get back to sleep again – by soothing yourself.
First, take the stress out of trying to get to sleep by realising that simply resting in itself is good. Are there only two hours of sleep before you get up? Reframe that: that’s a whole two hours of rest you will be having.
Second, be kind to yourself. Notice that you are warm, comfortable and can relax and rest. In doing that you may realise that you are too hot/cold. Open a window, have a fresh pillow by your bed that will be cool, or have a blanket by your bed to warm yourself up.
Some are familiar with the practice of giving yourself a hard time emotionally at night: ‘I should have done a better job yesterday; I shouldn’t have snapped at my partner.’ Rather than speaking like a cross Parent to yourself, purposefully move to being nurturing – ‘Come on, now is not the time to be thinking these things.’ And make the tone gentle, as if you were talking to an anxious child: ‘Rest now and tomorrow it can be sorted out.’ This really isn’t the time to be dealing with problems.
You may also feel nervous or scared: ‘What if my partner hates me for what I said earlier? Am I useless at my job? What’s that noise?’ Again, be kind and tell yourself: ‘Come on, it’s OK. I can sort this out tomorrow, now is not the time to be fretting.’
The revolving bedroom door
What if your sleep is affected by others – be they nomadic children, pets on the bed, or a duvet-snatching partner? How can your self-boundaries manage the behaviour of others?
What parent doesn’t know the patter of small sleepy feet when your child is coming in for a midnight cuddle, story, glass of water, or other excuse to see Mummy and Daddy?
Keeping your child out of your bed may be a tough self-boundary as you respond to an almost primeval need to protect the young. But caveman parents didn’t have to set an alarm, get children to school, commute to an office and then spend a day full of reports, meetings and office politics. You don’t have the luxury of time, however, you do have the greater luxury of safety. You don’t need to be on high alert 24/7 to protect your child from hungry bears.
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