The Archcleric took a bow and gestured toward the far end of the aisle, where the bride was about to make her entrance. The guests turned to watch.
As the sound of thundering drums filled the courtyard, Briar Rose rode out of the palace on a unicorn. She wore a sparkling, diamond-studded bridal gown with a train so long that she was halfway down the aisle before the end of it finally emerged from the palace. An elaborate headdress—which included several live, tweeting tropical birds—was entwined around her swaying pillar of hair. Her fingers were covered with so many jeweled rings that it was impossible to bend a knuckle. The unicorn also wore a gown.
As Briar slowly made her way toward the altar, waving and blowing kisses to the audience, she allowed herself a moment to glare triumphantly at Liam. “I told you so,” she mouthed silently at him, and she smiled as she saw him slump halfway to the floor. But when Briar was about two-thirds of the way down the aisle, Duncan burst out from under the chair of a monocle-wearing baron, pointing and shouting, “Jenny von Hornhorse!”
The unicorn stopped and reared, its dress billowing. The orchestra froze mid-note. Everyone stared, dumbfounded, at the strangely dressed little man who now stood in the center of the aisle like a roadblock.
“Isn’t Jenny von Hornhorse the perfect name for her?” Duncan said, smiling.
“What are you doing, you idiot?” Briar hissed between her teeth. “Get back to your seat or I’ll have you thrown in the dungeon with a sack full of rats.”
Duncan didn’t move. Briar tried to steer her mount around him, but each time she got the animal to take a step left or right, Duncan countered by leaping in front of it again. “It’s like we’re dancing,” he said.
Several guards started to rush toward her, but Briar raised her hands to stop them. “Stay back!” she commanded. “No violence near the dress!”
She leaned down to snarl at Duncan. “Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”
“I love unicorns!” Duncan cried, throwing his arms around the creature’s neck.
While everyone’s eyes were glued to the spectacle in the center aisle, Ella, Frederic, and Gustav crept to the back of the altar platform.
“Psst!” Frederic whispered.
Liam looked down and wondered if he was hallucinating. Ella held a finger to her lips. The guards at Liam’s sides were still staring at Duncan—who was now running his fingers through the unicorn’s mane and singing to it—but they and the Archcleric were blocking Gustav’s path to the pulpit. The big prince had no idea how to get to it without causing a commotion.
Fig. 8 BRIAR, regal
Briar couldn’t wait another second for Duncan to clear her path. “Forget this,” she muttered, and slid down off the unicorn. Engrossed in serenading the animal, Duncan did nothing to stop her. The orchestra kicked back into music mode, tooting and drumming as Briar marched to the altar.
Lila, who had an aisle seat, casually stuck her leg out and tripped the bride, who fell into a forward roll and got tangled in her gown’s ludicrously long train. The birds in her hair squawked and flapped their wings frantically. Again, guards began to run to Briar’s aid. But she poked her head out from under layers of twisted, sparkling fabric and barked at them, “No one touches the dress!”
“Are you all right, Your Highness?” the Archcleric asked from up on the altar.
“Never better,” Briar snarled as she picked herself up. “Just start the stupid ceremony.”
“It’s now or never,” Ella whispered to the princes. “I’ll take the guard on the left; Frederic, you take the one on the right. Gustav, you get Liam.” She stood up and clubbed one of the guards over the head with the hilt of her sword. The man collapsed.
Frederic attempted to do the same to the other guard. Only the man didn’t fall. He didn’t even react. So Frederic hit him harder. This time the guard flinched a bit. And turned around angrily.
“Sorry,” Frederic said. “My, uh, hand slipped.”
The guard reached for Frederic but was stopped in mid-motion by Ella’s fist slamming into his jaw. Frederic let out a long breath as the guard staggered dizzily off the edge of the platform.
“This is why I’ve been telling you to exercise, Frederic,” Ella chided.
“I do ten neck rolls every morning!” Frederic sputtered.
As shrieks rose from the crowd, Gustav leapt up onto the altar and hoisted the Archcleric over his head. He glanced left and right, not sure of what to do with the holy man.
“Unhand me,” the Archcleric cried.
“Sorry, Church Guy, nothing personal,” Gustav said, before hurling the old man into the front row. The Archcleric landed across the laps of Liam’s parents, who toppled backward in their chairs.
“What is going on?” Briar howled.
As dozens of armed guards charged toward the dais, Gustav grabbed hold of the wooden pulpit and, with a grunt, ripped it from its foundation.
“Yes!” Ella cheered. A guard swung his poleax at her, but she was faster—a quick slice of her sword and the guard’s weapon was in two pieces. She followed up by knocking the man from the dais with a powerful leg sweep—which wasn’t easy to pull off, considering Frederic was crouched behind her, clinging to her waist.
In a daze of exhaustion, hunger, and melancholy, Liam blankly watched the chaos around him. “Is this real life?” he muttered to no one in particular.
Briar, assuming Liam had somehow arranged all this chaos, climbed up onto the platform and confronted him. “This is a rescue attempt?” she scoffed. “What a joke. You’re not going anywhere!”
A contingent of five soldiers reached the end of the aisle, their spears aimed at Gustav.
“Look out!” Frederic cried.
Gustav chucked the pulpit at the guards, bowling them over. Liam was still chained to the pulpit, however, and was whipped off his feet as it flew. He landed on the pile of very unhappy soldiers.
“Oh, starf it all,” Gustav groaned, and smacked himself on the forehead.
Lila sank in her seat, shaking her head.
Duncan, finally noticing the predicament his friends were in, scrambled up onto the unicorn’s back (taking note of how much easier it was to mount an animal that was wearing a dress) and charged up the aisle, shouting, “Tally-ho! Hero coming!”
The soldiers scrambled out of the animal’s way, but Liam was unable to get very far. He was stuck at the end of the aisle, directly in the path of the charging unicorn.
“Whoa!” Duncan yelled. The unicorn skidded to a halt, narrowly avoiding Liam, but the force of the stop catapulted Duncan up in the air. He slammed into Ella just as she was about to finish off the guard she’d been dueling.
Out in
