his wings forward a little, to encircle them from the wind.
‘I am very comfortable; I beg you to have no concern,’ Laurence said, stretching out upon the broad, firm limb, and drawing the blanket around himself. ‘Good night, my dear.’ He was suddenly very tired, but with a natural physical fatigue: the bone-deep, painful weariness was gone.
He woke very early, just before sunrise, as Temeraire’s belly rumbled strongly enough for the sound to rouse them both. ‘Oh, I am hungry,’ Temeraire said, waking up bright-eyed, and looked eagerly over at the herd of deer milling nervously in the park, clustered against the far wall.
Laurence climbed down. ‘I will leave you to your breakfast, and go to have my own,’ he said, giving Temeraire’s side one final pat before turning back to the house. He was in no fit state to be seen; fortunately, with the hour so early the guests were not yet about, and he was able to gain his bedroom without any encounter which might have rendered him still more disreputable.
He washed briskly, put on his flying dress while a manservant repacked his solitary piece of baggage, and went down as soon as he thought acceptable. The maids were still laying the first breakfast dishes out upon the sideboard, and the coffeepot had just been laid upon the table. He had hoped to avoid all the party, but to his surprise, Edith was at the breakfast table already, though she had never been an early riser.
Her face was outwardly calm, her clothing in perfect order and her hair drawn up smoothly into a golden knot, but her hands betrayed her, clenched together in her lap. She had not taken any food, only a cup of tea, and even that sat untouched before her. ‘Good morning,’ she said, with a brightness that rang false; she glanced at the servants as she spoke. ‘May I pour for you?’
‘Thank you,’ he said, the only possible reply, and took the place next to her; she poured coffee for him and added half a spoonful of sugar and cream each, exactly to his tastes. They sat stiffly together, neither eating nor speaking, until the servants finished the preparations and left the room.
‘I hoped I might have a chance to speak with you before you left,’ she said quietly, looking at him at last. ‘I am so very sorry, Will; I suppose there was no other alternative?’
He needed a moment to understand she meant his going into harness; despite his anxieties on the subject of his training, he had already forgotten to view his new situation as an evil. ‘No, my duty was clear,’ he said, shortly; he might have to tolerate criticism from his father on the subject, but he would not accept it from any other quarter.
But in the event, Edith only nodded. ‘I knew as soon as I heard that it would be something of the sort,’ she said. She bowed her head again; her hands, which had been twisting restlessly over each other, stilled.
‘My feelings have not altered with my circumstances,’ Laurence said at last, when it was clear she would say nothing more. He felt he already had received his answer, by her lack of warmth, but she would not say, later on, that he had not been true to his word; he would let her be the one to put an end to their understanding. ‘If yours have, you need merely say a word to silence me.’ Even as he made the offer, he could not help but feel resentment, and he could hear an unaccustomed coldness creeping into his voice: a strange tone for a proposal.
She drew a quick, startled breath, and said almost fiercely, ‘How can you speak so?’ For a moment he hoped again; but she went on at once to say, ‘Have I ever been mercenary; have I ever reproached you for following your chosen course, with all its attendant dangers and discomforts? If you had gone into the Church, you would certainly have had any number of good livings settled upon you; by now we could have been comfortable together in our own home, with children, and I should not have had to spend so many hours in fear for you away at sea.’
She spoke very fast, with more emotion than he was used to seeing in her, and spots of colour standing high on her cheeks. There was a great deal of justice in her remarks; he could not fail to see it, and be embarrassed at his own resentment. He half reached out his hand to her, but she was already continuing: ‘I have not complained, have I? I have waited; I have been patient; but I have been waiting for something better than a solitary life, far from the society of all my friends and family, with only a very little share of your attention. My feelings are just as they have always been, but I am not so reckless or sentimental as to rely on feeling alone to ensure happiness in the face of every possible obstacle.’
Here at last she stopped. ‘Forgive me,’ Laurence said, heavy with mortification: every word seemed a just reproach, when he had been pleased to think himself ill-used. ‘I should not have spoken, Edith; I had better have asked your pardon for having placed you in so wretched a position.’ He rose from the table and bowed; of course he could not stay in her company now. ‘I must beg you to excuse me; pray accept all my best wishes for your happiness.’
But she was rising also, and shaking her head. ‘No, you must stay and finish your breakfast,’ she said. ‘You have a long journey ahead of you; I am not hungry in the least. No, I assure you, I am going.’ She gave him her hand and a smile that trembled very slightly. He thought she meant to make a polite farewell, but if that was her intention, it failed at the last moment. ‘Pray do not think ill of me,’ she said, very low, and left the room as quickly as she might.
She need not have worried; he could not. On the contrary, he felt only guilt for having felt coldly towards her even for a moment, and for having failed in his obligation to her. Their understanding had been formed between a gentleman’s daughter with a respectable dowry and a naval officer with few expectations but handsome prospects. He had reduced his standing through his own actions, and he could not deny that nearly all the world would have disagreed with his own assessment of his duty in the matter.
And she was not unreasonable in asking more than an aviator could give. Laurence had only to think of the degree of his attention and affection which Temeraire commanded to realize he could have very little left to offer a wife, even on those rare occasions when he would be at liberty. He had been selfish in making the offer, asking her to sacrifice her own happiness to his comfort.
He had very little heart or appetite left for his breakfast, but he did not want to stop along his way; he filled his plate and forced himself to eat. He was not left in solitude long; only a little while after Edith had gone, Miss Montagu came downstairs, dressed in a too-elegant riding habit, something more suitable for a sedate canter through London than a country ride, which nevertheless showed her figure to great advantage. She was smiling as she came into the room, which expression turned instantly to a frown to see him the only one there, and she took a seat at the far end of the table. Woolvey shortly joined her, likewise dressed for riding; Laurence nodded to them both with bare civility and paid no attention to their idle conversation.
Just as he was finishing, his mother came down, showing signs of hurried dressing and lines of fatigue around her eyes; she looked into his face anxiously. He smiled at her, hoping to re assure, but he could see he was not very successful: his unhappiness and the reserve with which he had armoured himself against his father’s disapproval and the curiosity of the general company was visible in his face, with all he could do.
‘I must be going shortly; will you come and meet Temeraire?’ he asked her, thinking they might have a private few minutes walking, at least.
‘Temeraire?’ Lady Allendale said, blankly. ‘William, you do not mean you have your dragon here, do you? Good heavens, where is he?’
‘Certainly he is here; how else would I be travel ling? I left him outside behind the stables, in the old yearling paddock,’ Laurence said. ‘He will have eaten by now; I told him to make free of the deer.’
‘Oh!’ said Miss Montagu, overhearing;
