‘I think Geoff will have driven home that message. I saw them having words after the TV crew had wrapped up,’ I tell him. I’d watched them in their glass-fronted corner office and I didn’t need to hear what was said to know it was a heated discussion. ‘She’s been so careful in the past, wording everything perfectly in case Lewis decided to sue us for slander and close us down. But we’re so close to closing down anyway and Ruth let her frustration get the better of her. It could have been worse. There was a moment when I thought she was going to mention the note.’
Charlie backs away. ‘But she didn’t?’
The loss of Charlie’s warm embrace sends a shiver down my spine. ‘No, but she did mention abuse and she did mention a boyfriend,’ I reply as a knot of anxiety tightens in my chest.
I don’t want to be scared of Lewis; he doesn’t deserve one drop of my emotions but it’s difficult when you don’t know, and have never known, exactly who you’re dealing with. As a newcomer to our school, we knew only the rumours about Lewis’s past. He played up his tough, macho image to assert his position in our group but there were times when it was impossible not to feel sorry for what he and his mum had been through. In hindsight, that vulnerability was an artifice, and the only thing about Lewis that was indisputable was the terrible effect he had on Meg.
‘I don’t blame Ruth. People deserve to know what he did,’ I continue. ‘It doesn’t matter what the police found or didn’t find, Lewis was there that day, the missing note proves it. Meg could have been alive when he got there for all we know. He might have bullied her into doing it. What gets me most is that he was callous enough to just leave her hanging there. Can you imagine?’
‘Don’t,’ Charlie says, his hand trembling as he wipes away a fat tear slipping down my cheek.
‘He’s a monster, Charlie.’
‘I know, but he’s a monster I’d rather you kept away from.’
‘If he’s still in Newcastle, he won’t see the report and, with any luck, no one will bother to tell him.’
Charlie holds my gaze a second too long. I want him to pull me close again so I can ignore the shadow that passed over his face, but he doesn’t move. I fall back against the kitchen counter. ‘What is it?’
Mirroring my movements, Charlie leans against the kitchen island, pushing his hands deep into his pockets. ‘He’s back in Liverpool, Jen. He has been for a few months.’
‘And you didn’t think to tell me?’ It’s not quite a screech but it’s close.
‘I didn’t think— I hoped I wouldn’t need to. It’s not like he kept in touch with any of our friends.’
I clench my jaw and make a concerted effort to match Charlie’s supplicant tone. ‘I was hoping he’d be in prison by now, or killed in a gang war like that cousin of his.’
Lewis was a magnet when it came to trouble. The only reason he had appeared in our lives was to escape the mess he’d left somewhere else. He was fifteen when his cousin was stabbed to death near their home in Huyton and Lewis’s mum hadn’t wanted her only child to suffer the same fate. She had packed up and moved with her son to South Liverpool, cutting off all ties with the family who accepted violence as the norm. When I heard their story, I was full of admiration, and despite what’s happened since, I do have respect for what his mum had wanted to achieve. I’ve spoken to many women who have walked away from abusive relationships with nothing except the determination to find a better life for their children, and although Lewis’s mum fled under different circumstances, she had given her son the best chance possible. Lewis was the one who squandered it.
Charlie sighs. ‘He’s back because his mum’s ill. I think it’s cancer or something. I don’t know much.’
‘You know a lot more than I’d expect considering he doesn’t keep in touch with anyone we know. Have you actually seen him?’
He flinches. ‘He’s the last person I’d want to see, Jen. I don’t want him in our lives any more than you do. It was Jay and Meathead who bumped into him, and no, they weren’t stupid enough to suggest a school reunion. They hooked up on Facebook, that’s all.’
‘And you say they’re not stupid?’ I’m managing to hold back my anger but it’s not easy. I take deep breaths as I process the news. My skin crawls at the idea that Lewis is nearer than we thought, and if Charlie’s idiot friends can bump into him then how long before I do, or God forbid, Ruth or Geoff? ‘Is he back in that flat over the off-licence on Allerton Road?’
‘No, it was the first thing I asked. His mum moved to Bootle and he’s living there with her. I don’t know where exactly,’ he answers before I can ask.
I’m relieved that Lewis is living north of the city but it’s still too close. ‘What else have they found out?’
‘Nothing really,’ Charlie tries, only to squirm under my gaze. ‘He’s a personal trainer.’
‘Successful?’
Charlie shrugs. ‘No idea. He works freelance at a hotel.’
It’s like pulling teeth. ‘Which one?’
‘I don’t know, Jen. Honestly, I haven’t taken that much notice. Does it matter?’
I push past Charlie and cross the living room towards the window. Across the sprawling city, lights are flickering on as the summer’s day draws to a close. My eyes travel the route I take to work along the Strand to Mann Island and I’m struck by how many hotels I can see. ‘What if it’s one of those? What if I walk past him every day?’
Charlie keeps his hands in his pockets as he approaches. He’s heard the tremble in my voice and when he realises it’s my entire body shaking, he pulls me back into his arms. ‘He’s not interested in us, Jen. If I thought he was a threat, I would have done something about it,’ he tells me.
It’s a nice thought but what Charlie gains in height, Lewis always made up for in muscle, and if he’s working as a personal trainer, I imagine he’s more than a match for my would-be hero. ‘The only reason you don’t think he’s a threat is because that’s what Lewis wants you to believe. He’s bad news, Charlie. He always was. Why can’t you see that?’
‘I do,’ he says, kissing the top of my head. ‘But none of us are teenagers any more. What happened with Meg changed us and I bet it changed Lewis too. He’ll have enough on his plate looking after his mum. It’s time for us all to get on with our lives.’
‘Unless you’re Meg,’ I remind him.
As I close my eyes, I replay the snatches of video included in this evening’s news report; Meg blowing out candles on her tenth birthday, playing football on the beach with me and Sean, taking centre stage in a school play. But then my thoughts turn to Ruth, her voice breaking as she told the reporter how Meg’s death was a slow and painful process that began when Lewis invaded our lives.
‘It’s not fair. He can’t come back here and expect us all to forget what he did,’ I say, only to realise that Ruth has made sure he knows that we haven’t. ‘It’s not over. It was stupid to believe it ever was.’
