Memoirs of a Fruitcake. Chris Evans

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      CHRIS

       EVANS

      MEMOIRS OF A FRUITCAKE

      

       The Wilderness Years 2000–2010

       (plus a bit before but it didn’t sound as good)

       Copyright

      HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF

      www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2010

      1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

      © Chris Evans 2010

      Chris Evans asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

      All photographs are courtesy of the author with the exception of the following:

      Plate 1: Page 1, middle left: PHOTOGRAPH BY GARRETT BRENNAN/CPI, CAMERA PRESS LONDON; Page 1, bottom left: PHOTOGRAPH BY GARRETT BRENNAN/CPI, CAMERA PRESS LONDON; Page 3, above right: © Starstock/Photoshot; Page 5, middle left: courtesy of Gordon MacGeachy; Page 5, middle right: courtesy of Gordon MacGeachy; Page 5, bottom right: © Talking Sport/Photoshot

      Plate 2: Page 11, below right: Neale Haynes/Contour by Getty Images; Page 12, below: © Jackie King; Page 10 middle right: Jeff Moore/Jeff Moore/Empics Entertainment; Page 13, below: © Brian J. Ritchie/Rex Features; Page 15, above left: courtesy of the Radio Times; Page 15, above right: © The One Show; Page 16, © Rankin

      Endpaper photographs © Camera Press/James Peltekian; Getty Images; Daily Mirror/Mirrorpix; Press Association Images; Starstock/UPPA/Photoshot; Rex Features; Shutterstock

      A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

      HB ISBN 978-0-00-734568-7

      TPB ISBN 978-0-00-734569-4

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

      Ebook Edition © SEPTEMBER 2010 ISBN:9780007345724

      2016-11-30

       Dedication

      To my mum Minnie, my daughter Jade, my son Noah and most of all to my wife Natasha, who put up with me spending six months in the garage with my past instead of spending six months in the house with the present.

      And to my balls, which thankfully I still have after Tash capitulated on her threat to cut them off if I hadn’t finished this book before our summer holidays in Portugal, something I failed spectacularly to do.

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Top 10: Quotes to Get You Through Moments of Doubt

       Top 10: Things Drinking Can Destroy

       Top 10: Facts About Sleep

       Top 10: Bad Things That Can Happen When You’re Drunk

       Top 10: Things People Often Think I Am But I’m Not

       Plates 1

       Part Two: When Billie Met Chris

       Top 10: Ways to Know You’re in Love

      

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