to swoop in with your superhero cape, save some soldiers, whilst I stay home, play nanny and then hear nothing but how great you are from everyone we know. Your mother thinks I’m a joke!’
Kate shook her head, shooting daggers at him from across the room. My mother says no such thing, that’s all in your own head for god’s sake, and you’ll hardly be a nanny. Jamie’s at school full-time, and he’s no bother. Besides, you are his father! And please keep your voice down, that son you care so much about is upstairs asleep. ‘
Neil grabbed his keys from the sideboard and stormed across the kitchen.
‘Where are you going now? I made dinner!’ Kate said to his retreating form.
‘Well, plate it up, supergirl!’ he said sarcastically, and the front door slammed shut. Kate turned off the heat, and picking up the pan, tipped the contents straight into the kitchen bin. She filled the pan with water and left it in the sink. Heading to the fridge, she picked out the bottle of chardonnay she had left in there and poured herself a stiff glass. It tasted tart on her tongue, and followed up with a gentle lick at her tensed up muscles.
‘Mum?’ Whirling around, Kate saw her son Jamie stood there, hair all messy tufts, clad in his favourite onesie. Putting the glass down, she walked over to her child.
‘You should be in bed sweetheart,’ she chided.
‘Was that dad slamming the door? What’s wrong?’ he asked, his brow furrowed.
‘He didn’t mean to, darling. Nothing’s wrong, he just forgot something at work.’
Jamie nodded, his wide eyes looking at her in question. Kate gave him a squeeze.
‘Come on, don’t worry. Everything’s fine, let’s get you a glass of milk and back to bed.’
Once Jamie was sleeping again, Kate tidied away the rest of the dinner things and poured herself another glass of wine. It was after eleven, and Neil still hadn’t come home or phoned. His sulks could take a while, and he had even taken to sleeping at the office some nights, or on a pub mate’s couch. Picking up her mobile phone, she dialled his number. It rang and rang; she was about to hang up when he answered.
‘What?’ He said flatly. ‘If it’s not about Jamie, I’m not in the mood to talk.’
‘What happened to us, Neil?’ She asked, her voice small, sounding needy in her own ears. ‘We used to get on so well.’
A sigh came down the line. ‘Get on? That’s the problem, Kate. You always make us sound like friends. You don’t need me, do you?’
‘Of course I do,’ she replied, frowning at his question. ‘We both need you.’
‘No, that’s not what I mean. We have a life together, but you’ve never really needed me, have you? Wanted me even? Tell me, if something bad happened, who would you ring first?’
‘You,’ she said. ‘You’re my husband, of course it would be you.’
‘Really? Because I think if you’re honest with yourself, I would be somewhere on the list, but not the top. If I dropped out of your life, you wouldn’t suffer, would you?’
‘Are you leaving me, is that what you’re saying?’
‘No!’ The voice barked back, angry. ‘You’re still not listening Kate! You never hear me! I’m not leaving. You are though, you’re constantly leaving. You dip in and out of my life like a side show. We’re married Kate, that means something to me.’
‘I come home every night Neil, if I’m not working. You knew the job I did when we met. It’s demanding, but I’m still your wife.’
Neil sighed, a slow desperate sounding sigh.
‘No one’s perfect Kate, god knows I’m not. I regret a lot of things. If you want to go on the trip, go. I can’t stop you, I won’t. I just want you to remember this conversation. Think about it when you’re gone. I need you to get this Kate. You can’t keep living like this. We can’t. I’ll be home in the morning to take Jamie to school.’
‘Neil, don’t go, we need to sort this out!’ She begged, suddenly afraid of his detached demeanour. ‘You sound like you’re giving up.’
‘I’m not Kate, I’m not at all. You want to go, fine. I’ll look after things here, but just don’t forget that we need to work on us, too. Sooner rather than later. Things change Kate. Some things can’t be undone, and I’m sorry for that. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Kate was about to ask what couldn’t be changed when the line went dead. Did he mean them, their marriage couldn’t be saved? What should she do now? If she left, would he be here when she got back? Would she want him to be?
She looked around their home, at the schedules and pictures on the fridge. The photos on the walls, the lines drawn on the door frame that marked the journey of Jamie’s growth. She knew one thing, whatever was going on with her and Neil, she had to be true to herself. Jamie was her priority, but she had to like herself as a person too. She knew what that meant. She knew that this choice was important, but she was used to making split second decisions and living with the consequences. Once she chose, she saw it through. Just like her marriage. Fight or flight. She didn’t run, she faced things head on. What Neil did with her decision was up to him.
She took a large calming sip of the wine and scrolled through her contacts before hitting dial. A familiar voice picked up the other line.
‘Kate! Hey stranger, given it some thought?’ Trevor said into her ear.
Kate smiled at her mentor’s upbeat and hopeful voice. ‘Yep, and I’m all in.’
Cooper
My throat felt like dry fire. I attempted a cough, but nothing came out, and I felt my heart race. I tried to lift up my head, but it felt as though it was stuck to the pillow. Raising my hand to touch my face, I felt a tug of pain. Looking at the back of my hand, I saw a butterfly drip stuck into it. Trying to focus my eyes, which felt like they had been taken out and dipped in sand, I saw a dim light in the corner of the room. I felt a warm presence on my other hand, and looked to see what was laid across it. My whole body felt fuzzy, with a dim undertone of throbbing pain. My hand, still resting on the bed, looked unnatural, and I realised that the extra fingers didn’t belong to me. I squeezed gently, which was an achievement in itself. The fingers wrapped around mine squeezed back. My gritty eyes followed the fingers up the arm, and I realised a woman was asleep in the chair next to me. Even in sleep, she looked exhausted, pale blue scrubs encasing her lithe body. The hand holding mine had a wedding ring on it I noticed, and I felt a little pang of unexplained disappointment. Pushing the thought away, I tried to make my eyes focus on her again. She was pretty, little snuffles coming from her as she slept deeply. She had squeezed my hand back in reflex, unconsciously in sleep. I wanted to move my hand away, embarrassed by the contact, but I didn’t move.
Looking around, I saw everyone was asleep, except for a couple of nurses milling around the area. It was then that I noticed what was missing: the noise. There was no gunfire, no explosions. All I could hear were the sounds of nature outside the tent. I think that this was more unnerving than being woken by the sounds of war, and
