had tomato and cheese stuck in his hair and everything and my mum tried to wash it and it would not go away and then Jameses mum gave out to Brians mum and my mum went real red and my dad said something I didn’t here and Jameses mum started to cry and then everyone went home. Do you want to go to the cimena on Friday and go to McDonalds after? My mum and dad will bring us.
Alex
To Alex
Sorry about your party. Brian is a weirdo anyway. I hate him. Brian the Whine is his name. I will ask my mum and dad about the cinema. Look at Miss Casey’s skirt it looks like my grannys. Or it looks like sandy puked up all over it and the—
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dunne,
I was hoping to arrange a meeting with you to discuss Rosie’s recent behaviour in school and her note writing during class. How does Thursday at 3 p.m. sound?
Miss Casey
Alex,
My mum and dad won’t let me go to the cinema tonight. I hate not sitting beside you. It’s so boring. Frizzy Lizzys hair is blocking my view of the blackboard. Why does this happen to us all the time?
Rosie
TO ALEX
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! MAY THERE BE SEX IN YOUR LIFE AND … LIFE IN YOUR SEX! LOVE FROM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER XXX
To Rosie
You wrote that card didn’t you?
From Alex
To Alex
What card?
From Rosie
To Rosie
Very funny. I no it was you.
From Alex
To Alex
I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would I send you a Valentine’s card?
From Rosie
To Rosie
Ha ha! How did you no it was a Valentine’s Card! The only way you could no is if you sent it. You love me, you want to marry me.
From Alex
To Alex
Leave me alone I’m listening to Mrs. O’Sullivan. If she catches us passing notes again we’re dead meat.
From Rosie
To Rosie
What happened to you? You’ve turned into such a swot.
Alex
Yes Alex and that’s why I’ll go places in life, like going to college and being a big successful business person with loads of money … unlike you.
From Rosie
Dear Mr. Byrne,
Alex will be unable to attend school tomorrow, the 8th of April, as he has a dental appointment.
Sandra Stewart
Dear Ms. Quinn,
Rosie will be unable to attend school tomorrow, the 8th of April, as she has a doctor’s appointment.
Alice Dunne
Rosie,
I’ll meet you round the corner at 8.30 a.m. Remember to bring a change of clothes. We’re not wandering around town in our uniforms. This is going to be the best birthday you ever had, Rosie Dunne, trust me! I can’t believe we’re actually getting away with this!
Alex
PS. Sweet 16 my arse!
St James’s Hospital
10 April
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dunne,
Enclosed is the medical bill for Rosie Dunne’s stomach pumping on 8 April.
Yours sincerely,
Dr. Montgomery
Rosie,
Your mum is guarding the door like a vicious dog so I don’t think I’ll get to see you for the next ten years or so. The kind big sis you love so much (not!) has agreed to pass this on to you. You owe her big time …
Sorry about the other day. Maybe you were right. Maybe the tequila wasn’t such a good idea. The poor barman will probably be closed down for serving us. Told you that fake ID my mate got would work, even though yours did say you were born on the 31st of February!
Just wondering if you remember anything that happened the other day … write to me. You can trust Stephanie to pass it on. She’s mad at your mum for not letting her drop out of college. Phil and Margaret have just announced that they’re having another baby so it looks like I’ll be an uncle for the second time round. At least that’s taking the attention off me, which makes for a change. Phil just keeps laughing at what you and me did because we remind him of himself ten years ago.
Get well soon, you alco! Do you no I didn’t think it was possible for a human being to go so green in the face. I think you have finally found your talent, Rosie, ha ha ha ha.
Alex/Mr. Cocky,
I FEEL AWFUL. My head is pounding, I have never had such a headache, I have never felt so ill before in my life. Mum and Dad are going ape shit. Honestly, you never get any sympathy in this house. I’m gonna be grounded for about thirty years and I’m being ‘prevented’ from seeing you because you’re ‘such a bad influence’. Yeah right, whatever.
Anyway, it doesn’t really matter what they do because I’m gonna see you at school tomorrow, unless they ‘prevent’ me from going there too, which is absolutely fine by me. Can’t believe we have double maths on a Monday morning. I would rather get my stomach pumped again. Five times over. See you on Monday then.
Oh by the way, in answer to your question, apart from my face smashing against that filthy pub floor, flashing lights, loud sirens, speeding cars and puking, I can’t remember anything else. But I bet that just about covers it. Anything else I should know about?
Rosie
To Rosie
Glad to hear everything is as normal as usual. Mum and Dad are driving me crazy too. I can’t believe I’m actually looking forward to going to school. At least no one will be able to nag us there.
From Alex
