Mrs. Dunne,
Following the recent actions of your daughter Rosie, we request a meeting with you at the school immediately. We need to discuss her behaviour and come to an agreement on a reasonable punishment. I have no doubt you understand the necessity of this. Alex Stewart’s parents will also be in attendance.
The scheduled time is Monday morning at 9 a.m.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Bogarty
Principal
From Rosie
To Alex
Subject Suspended!
Holy shit! I didn’t think that old bogey would go ahead and suspend us! I’d swear we were axe murderers from the way that he was carrying on! Oh, this is the best punishment ever. I get to stay in bed for a whole week nursing a hangover instead of going to school!
From Alex
To Rosie
Subject I’m in hell
Glad life is going so wonderfully for you these days. I’m emailing you from the worst place in the world. An office. I have to work here with Dad for the entire week, filing shit and licking stamps. I swear to God I am NEVER EVER going to work in an office in my life.
The bastards aren’t even paying me.
A very pissed off Alex
From Rosie
To Alex
Subject A very pissed off Alex
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha em … I’ve forgotten what I was going to write … oh yeah … ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Lots of love from an extremely comfy, snuggy, warm and happy Rosie typing from her bedroom.
From Alex
To Rosie
Subject Lazy
I don’t care. There is an absolute babe working in this office. I am going to marry her. Now who’s laughing?
From Rosie
To Alex
Subject Don Juan
Who is she?
From a non-lesbian so am therefore NOT jealous.
From Alex
To Rosie
Subject To non-lesbian
I will for the time being humour you by calling you that although I have yet to see any evidence to suggest otherwise.
Her name is Bethany Williams and she is seventeen (older woman!), blonde, has a massive pair of boobs and the longest legs I have ever seen.
From the sex god
From Rosie
To Alex
Subject Mr. Sex God (puke puke gag vomit)
She sounds like a giraffe. I’m sure she is a really nice person (not!). Have you even said hello to her or has your future wife yet to acknowledge your existence? (Apart from handing you memos to photocopy, of course.)
You have an instant message from: ALEX.
Alex: Hey there, Rosie, got some news for you.
Rosie: Leave me alone, please. I’m trying to concentrate on what Mr. Simpson is saying.
Alex: Hmmm wonder why … could it be those beautiful big blue eyes all you girls are always going on about?
Rosie: Nope, I have a great and growing interest in Excel. It’s so exciting – I could just sit in and do it all weekend.
Alex: Oh, you’re turning into such a bore.
Rosie: I WAS JOKING, YOU IDIOT! I hate this crap. I think my brain is turning to mush from listening to him. But go away anyway.
Alex: Do you not wanna hear my news?
Rosie: Nope.
Alex: Well, I’m telling you anyway.
Rosie: OK, what’s the big exciting news?
Alex: Well, you can eat your words, my friend, because virgin boy is no longer.
Alex: Hello?
Alex: You still there?
Alex: Rosie, c’mon, stop messing!
Rosie: Sorry, I seem to have fallen off my chair and knocked myself out. I had an awful dream you said you are no longer virgin boy.
Alex: No dream.
Rosie: I suppose that means you won’t be wearing your underwear over those tights any more.
Alex: I have no need for underwear at all now.
Rosie: Uuuugh! So who’s the unlucky girl? Please don’t say Bethany please don’t say Bethany …
Alex: Tough shit. It’s Bethany.
Alex: Hello?
Alex: Rosie?
Rosie: What?
Alex: Well?
Rosie: Well what?
Alex: Well say something.
Rosie: I really don’t know what you want me to say, Alex. I think you need to get yourself some male friends because I’m not gonna slap you on the back and ask for gory details.
Alex: Just tell me what you think.
Rosie: To be honest, from what I hear about her, I think she’s a slut.
Alex: Oh, come on, you don’t even no the girl, you’ve never even met her. You call anyone who sleeps with anyone a slut.
Rosie: I’ve seen her around and, eh, SLIGHT exaggeration there, Alex. I call people who sleep with different people every day of the week sluts.
Alex: You no that’s not true.
Rosie: You keep spelling KNOW wrong. It’s KNOW not NO.
Alex: Shut up with the ‘know’ thing. You’ve been going on about that since we were about five!
Rosie: Yeah, exactly, so you think you would listen by now.
Alex:
