She didn’t think about the man she’d slept with or the fact that when she’d called him he’d said he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby.
That was in the past. She’d find a way to bring her baby up and shower him or her with so much love they’d always feel wanted.
That was all she could do.
She put the kneeler down and then said the prayers she’d learned growing up. Just the familiar words, soothing her troubled soul, and bringing her a surcease from her thoughts.
When she was done, she put some folded bills from her pocket in the collection box and went back outside.
She was going to have to figure out how to be friends with Hoop. Actual friends. Because every time she saw his name she felt a little thrill go through her and she knew that wasn’t a good idea.
In fact, going to a baseball game with him wasn’t smart either. Before she could change her mind, she pulled out her phone and texted him she couldn’t make it.
She didn’t need another complication in her life right now and it felt like Hoop could be a very big one. She went back to work, filed the taxes and then spent the rest of the day in her new apartment.
She was avoiding Hayley, who’d tried talking to her about Hoop, and Iona, who wanted to go shopping for baby clothes with her. Cici realized that before anything else, she really needed to find her own inner strength.
Cici’s apartment was slowly coming together. It was different from the house in Queens and she hoped that it represented her new life with her baby. She put her hand over her stomach, as was becoming a habit, as if by touch she would be able to connect to the child who was still more of a hazy idea than reality to her.
She sat down on the two-seater couch with overstuffed cushions, leaning on the patterned throw pillow. She put her feet up on the glass coffee table and looked around the apartment.
She’d worked hard for this place and felt a real sense of pride that she’d earned this. The sweeping curved staircase led to the upper floor and her bedroom and the room she was going to make into the nursery. It was a pre-war apartment building that had been completely redone. Her living room had a fireplace with built-in bookcases on either side and she’d lined the shelves with her favorite books. Her childhood favorites by authors like E.L. Konigsburg, Madeleine L’Engle and her collection of Trixie Belden books. She’d started a collection of Dr. Seuss books for the baby. The next shelves held her paperback collection of romance novels, thrillers and of course all the Harry Potter books.
She had pictures on the shelf as well. One of her, Hayley and Iona on the day they’d opened the Candied Apple & Cafe. Even seated across the room she could still see those big grins on their faces. The sense of joy and happiness she got from her job and her friendship with those women…well, that was something she hoped she could give her child too.
Her child.
Sometimes it still didn’t seem real.
She had tried to reach out to Rich…the man who’d fathered her child, but he really didn’t want to be part of her life or the baby’s. She got it. She was the one who was carrying the kid and even she was dealing with, well, the unreality of it. And as Rich had pointed out, they barely knew each other. It had been a wedding party hook up. Not forever.
She let her head fall back on the edge of the couch and looked up at the ceiling with its ornate trim and realized that no matter how together this apartment looked, she was still a complete mess on the inside.
The timer on her smart phone went off and she jumped up. She had plans tonight. Shakespeare in the park. One of her favorite things about summer.
She got changed into a flowy summery top and a pair of white jeans that were actually a little loose on her thanks to all the morning sickness, and then she opted to skip putting in her contacts and grabbed her prescription sunglasses instead.
She took a look at herself in the mirror, her curly hair was actually not too frizzy tonight and she turned sideways to check herself out. Then she put her hands under the flowy top and pushed it out a little bit. That’s what she was going to look like soon. When the baby started showing.
She pulled her hands out and smoothed the top back into place.
“I don’t regret you, bean,” she whispered, and then filled her mind with love for the unborn child that resided there. Ten weeks pregnant. And definitely on her own with the baby.
No regrets.
She left her apartment and walked through Central Park to her seat. She was ready to relax, sip her juice smoothie and let Beatrice and Benedict sweep her away. She was going to forget that she was almost three months pregnant and alone.
“Excuse me.”
She glanced up to see a latecomer making his way down the row behind her. She really had no tolerance for people who came to shows late. It wasn’t like they hadn’t printed the time on the ticket. But then she was chronically early for everything. She glanced at the seat next to her that was still empty.
Let it stay empty.
She noticed the man on her left standing and realized that the person holding the ticket for the seat next to hers was finally here.
She stood up to let him go by, glancing up with a smile on her face that froze as she looked into those familiar sky blue eyes.
“Hoop.”
“Cici,” he said. “Funny running into you here.”
Yeah, funny.
She sat down after he went past her, pulling her phone out of her bag. How could Hayley set her up like this?
“Don’t blame Hayley,” Hoop said. “I made her do it.”
“Why?” Cici replied.
“It just felt like we needed to clear the air,” he said. “And I hesitated with you before and screwed up so this time…I’m not going to do that again. I’ll tell you all about it after the play. I made us dinner reservations at a nearby restaurant.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Cici said, her stomach sinking. She couldn’t start a new relationship right now. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind and she wasn’t even sure what her life was going to be in six months’ time when she gave birth to the baby.
“Please, Cici, give me a chance to make up for the way I behaved that night. The truth is we had a real connection and that scared me,” he said.
She didn’t want to hear him saying things she had wished he’d said that first night. She glanced down at the round stage set up at the bottom of the bleachers and then further on to the castle with the flag flying. She wanted to believe that this was a true second chance.
If she hadn’t been so emotional and determined to
