was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t a smile.
‘I feel so calm.’
It’s shock, Jessie wanted to say, but all she could do was smile back.
‘I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble.’
‘Let me call someone – your parents?’
‘No.’
Something terrible had happened to this woman, something that made jettisoning herself off a platform into the path of a train easier than stepping back. Something, or someone.
‘I understand,’ said Jessie. ‘It’s okay, we don’t have to call anyone.’
‘I thought I’d be more afraid,’ she said. ‘I’m not afraid any more.’
Definitely shock, thought Jessie, struggling to find suitable words.
‘Please,’ said the girl who was dead already. ‘I need your help.’
‘Anything.’
‘In my bag … letter …’ She paused, her breathing was getting more laboured. ‘Destroy it.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘It was an accident … I fell. Please. Tell. Them. I. Fell.’
‘I …’ Jessie sat back on her heels. It sounded so pathetic in her head. I need to file a report. Paperwork. Take statements.
‘Don’t hurt them …’ She was mumbling some of her words. ‘I fell … The truth … I am calm … happy. Don’t hurt … Okay, I don’t hurt any more. I’m going to a much better place, it’s safe and warm …’
‘Harriet, I can’t do that.’
‘I’ll make amends, for them,’ she said, suddenly lucid. ‘I’ve been forgiven, they need to forgive themselves.’ Her eyes flickered but did not close. Jessie turned her head; she could see the bag lying a few feet away, intact. She shuddered. Unknown feet walking over her unknown grave. She looked around. In all the commotion, no one had noticed it. A dying woman’s wish. Who could say for sure that she jumped? Would it really matter? To London Underground it would – better a suicide than an accident. An accident had legal implications, Health and Safety issues. They shouldn’t have to take the blame.
‘I’m okay,’ Harriet said again, very quietly this time. ‘I don’t hurt any more.’ Jessie squeezed her hand.
‘Detective Inspector,’ said a loud voice above her.
Jessie looked up quickly. ‘Not now …’
‘You can let go now. She’s gone,’ he said.
Jessie looked back at Harriet. ‘But she just …’ Her large eyes were fixed, her lips had parted to form the faint beginnings of a smile. If that split second had been caught by camera and not by death it would have made a beautiful photograph. The paramedic was looking quizzically at Jessie.
‘Sorry, my mistake.’ Jessie removed her jacket and placed it over the face of a girl called Harriet who had just died at her feet.
‘It’s okay now,’ said Jessie quietly. ‘It’s over.’ Death meant nothingness and nothingness couldn’t hurt her any more. The pain would be absorbed by the ones left behind. That’s how it worked. That was the meaning of life after death.
An officer from the transport police approached her with a cup of coffee and her leather jacket.
‘Did the young lady tell you what happened?’
‘Not really,’ said Jessie. ‘I think she was in shock.’
‘She didn’t tell you why she jumped?’
‘You’re certain she jumped then?’ asked Jessie, staring into the concentric rings on the surface of her coffee.
‘No. We’ve been through her things but didn’t find a note. There may be one back at her place of residence, though it’s unusual. What did she say to you?’
I’m okay. I don’t hurt any more.
‘Detective?’
‘Sorry?’
‘What did she say to you?’
Jessie handed him back the polystyrene cup and thrust her hands deep inside the pockets of her leather trousers. ‘Thanks, but I’m giving up coffee for Lent.’
‘Lent? Are you feeling all right, Detective Inspector?’
Jessie looked at the train, still jacked up. The body had gone. The shell. The casing. She could feel the crisp white paper that held a tormented girl’s last words. But not her last wish. Finally she looked back at the policeman, his pencil poised over the pad.
‘She said she fell.’ A rush of wind from a neighbouring tunnel sucked at Jessie’s legs as another train on another track sped off to another destination.
Jessie turned into her street and saw the tell-tale desert boots sticking out from between the pillars that flanked the entrance to her flat.
‘Bill!’ she shouted, beginning to run. The boots retracted and moments later a tall, blond, bedraggled specimen emerged smiling through the iron gate and on to the pavement. ‘I am so sorry,’ she said and she hugged her brother.
‘Don’t tell me,’ he said. ‘Something came up.’
‘I’m sorry, did you wait at the airport for ages? I should have got a message to you, or called the airport police –’
‘Jessie, calm down, it doesn’t matter.’
‘I meant to be there.’
‘Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t even look for you in arrivals?’ Bill said laughingly.
‘I’d be furious, I took the fucking morning off.’
Jessie put her key in the lock.
‘So, no Maggie then?’
‘No, she’s gone. Why? You desperate?’
‘Yes, actually.’
They walked up the stairs dragging Bill’s ancient canvas kitbag and a plastic carrier bag holding cartons of duty-free cigarettes. ‘No stunning French female doctor to cavort with this time?’
‘My colleague was a fat Scottish doctor called Rob, who, though I love, I couldn’t bring myself to shag.’
‘Nurses?’
‘All nuns.’
Jessie
