intensity of gradual lovemaking.
Put on calming music and turn down the lighting. Tell each other how you feel and what you’d like to do. Be explicit or merely suggestive, whatever your fancy.
Surprising each other with gifts can add to your seduction. As well as greeting one another with flowers, perfume, chocolates or wine, you could be more obvious with lingerie or sex aids or greet your partner naked at the door.
Lighting candles and a log fire if you have one will immediately soften the setting, and the scent of essential oils and incense sticks will help to stimulate your senses. Why not scatter rose petals around the bedroom or fill it with vases of flowers to create an erotic love palace. The Kama Sutra suggests that ‘the room, balmy with rich perfumes, should contain a bed, soft, agreeable to the sight, covered with a clean white cloth, having garlands and bunches of flowers upon it’. It is important to get into the right frame of mind, and these ambient touches will help you to harmonize with your surroundings and each other.
Slowly undress one another or change into a loose robe and raunchy underwear or even dress up. Toy with one another’s desires by whispering explicit comments in each other’s ears or denying kisses on purpose. This loveplay and gradual arousal will allow you to attune your mind and body with your lover’s, enjoying a feeling of closeness and the thrill of anticipation. You may want to vary the passion, pulling off your clothes and altering your caresses to more passionate fondling. Once you are naked, it might be hard to resist speeding things up but try to take a moment to admire each other’s bodies, lingering over each part in turn.
‘The woman of Tirotpatna has eyes blooming like the flowers of the lake; she loves her husband fondly and her passion is enflamed by a single look; she is especially skilful in congress; she enjoys various ways and postures; and, by reason of her delicacy, she cannot endure rough or protracted embraces.’
Ananga Ranga
‘The woman who before congress will touch with her left foot the lingam of her husband, and will make a practice of this, undoubtedly subdues him, and makes him her slave for life.’
Ananga Ranga
Bathing
‘He should bathe daily, anoint his body with oil every other day, apply a lathering substance to his body every three days, get his head shaved every four days and the other parts of his body every five or ten days. All these things should be done without fail.’
Kama Sutra
Taking a bath together is a wonderfully sensuous and intimate way to begin lovemaking. It gives you time to wind down and relax after a busy day and to explore each other’s naked bodies slowly and with affection.
The bathroom can be transformed into a sensual sanctuary, where everyday distractions are washed away. Fill the bathroom with soft candlelight, add aromatherapy oils or scented bath salts to the water, and make sure the room is warm. Pour yourselves a glass of wine and luxuriate in the hot, steamy tub together.
Enjoy pampering your lover: ladle warm water all over their body, or drip cold water onto their hot skin. Focus on the moment and feel the intimacy growing between you. Talk to each other about how you feel or things you would like to do to each other.
The secret to the art of lovemaking is about taking your time. Tantalize and tease each other in the bath to build up sexual excitement. Whilst washing your lover, let your hands roam and explore, moving up towards their inner thighs and letting your fingers brush only lightly over their genitals. Try experimenting with different positions in the bath, feeling your hot wet bodies rubbing against each other. If you are so excited that you can’t bear to delay the pleasure, you could masturbate each other in the bath, using the soapy water as a lubricant and letting your fingers slide back and forth.
You may prefer to take a quick shower together, which still provides an opportunity to touch and arouse each other in a warm, steamy environment. The advantage of a shower is that it is easier for bodies to be entwined and close in a standing position. The man can fondle her breasts or rub her genitals, or the woman can kneel and take his penis in her mouth.
The relaxation and gentle build-up of arousal that you have experienced in the bath or shower should be prolonged as much as possible. So, instead of hastily drying yourself off, part of your intimate ritual can include your lover enveloping you in a clean, warm towel then gently rubbing you all over. Having your most intimate parts touched with care and tenderness, without necessarily having sex, is an important part of developing a deep bond with your lover. Added to this, the rough texture of the towel against your skin can be toning, invigorating and arousing.
Massage
Massage has been practised for centuries in many different traditions, from Ancient Greece and Rome to Egypt and the Far East as a means of promoting healing and relaxation. Massage between partners can be a way of relaying your feelings for one another through your fingertips and of arousing each other slowly and sensually.
Massage can be applied in many different situations, whether it is a foot massage in the bath or a shoulder rub while talking. If you are planning to give your lover a full-body massage, choose somewhere comfortable like the bedroom. Lay a towel over the sheets and make sure that the room is warm.
‘Sitting in their own places they should eat some betel leaves and the citizen should apply with his own hand to the body of the woman some pure sandalwood ointment, or ointment of some other kind…’
Kama Sutra
Light a few candles and put on some calming music. A few drops of aromatherapy oils can be added to your base massage oil to help create the mood you want: juniper, patchouli, sandalwood, and ylang ylang are all powerful aphrodisiacs while jasmine, lavender and rose help to promote relaxation and feelings of well-being.
