Managing Anger: Simple Steps to Dealing with Frustration and Threat. Gael Lindenfield
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The latter sections of the book offer practical guidance on ways in which we can work towards achieving this ideal!
In summary, the structure of the book is as follows:
Part 1: Understanding more about anger is the theoretical section of the book and is designed to help you to understand more about how anger affects our bodies, minds and behaviour. It also explains what the philosophy underpinning the model of Assertive Anger is all about. You will find that there is considerable emphasis on the damage and hurt which both the passive and aggressive methods of handling anger can cause. I hope this will motivate you to read on and complete the practical work in the rest of the book!
Part 2: Managing our own anger presents a six-step self-help programme which you can use to break old patterns and replace your conditioned responses with new behaviour. Through these exercises you can begin to learn how to express your anger without hurting yourself or others.
Part 3: How to deal with other people’s anger offers guidelines and exercises to help you take better control of your own feelings when faced with outbursts from others. It also suggests ways in which you can help other people safely unbottle some of their repressed anger, which may be damaging your relationships with them.
Part 4: Preventative strategies can help you plan ways in which you can alter your general patterns of behaviour and lifestyle, so that you can prevent a build up of unnecessary tension and frustration.
Part 5: Further reading gives a list of other books which may be of interest and help.
Who Can Be Helped by This Book?
I think this book will be of particular help and interest to people who:
– have already completed some personal development work which has given them an awareness of the difficulties they have with anger
– have persistent relationship difficulties and find it hard to resolve conflicts without hurting themselves or others
– are suffering from health problems or addictions which they have been told, or suspect themselves, may be being caused, or made worse by, their mismanagement of frustration and anger
– are living or working under high levels of pressure and need to take particular care with the management of their emotions
– are bereaved and finding themselves ‘stuck’ in their grief
– are struggling with mental health problems such as depression, phobias, obsessions and eating disorders
– are trying to help others manage their stress and anger more constructively, e.g. managers, training officers, teachers, community workers, counsellors, nurses and doctors – not to mention millions of concerned and harassed parents!
As I indicated earlier, the ideas in this book have arisen in the main from my own personal experience and my work with people on ‘everyday’ problems at home and at work. I am very aware that a minority of people’s problems are so severe that their needs cannot be completely met within the scope of a self-help book such as this. For example, I would urge anyone who is prone to serious outbursts of violence, or suspects that they could be, to seek additional help from a professional therapist or doctor.
Similarly I would suggest that anyone who is living or working with someone with such difficulties, or anyone who has suffered serious abuse in the past, should not hesitate to request further professional guidance. A list of helping agencies can usually be found in any good library, social services or health department, or through the many confidential phonelines that now exist to help people living or working under such stress and threat.
How to Use This Book
Ideally this book should be read slowly, over a period of a few weeks, so that its contents can be thought about in the context of the practical experience of living with the issues and problems which it addresses. Alternatively, you could give it a quick read through first and then re-read at a slower pace later, concentrating on the particular sections which are of interest to you.
With regard to the practical work, I feel that this should be undertaken step-by-step, in the order which I have suggested. I have found that good foundation work in any personal development programme makes the learning of new skills so much faster and more secure.
The exercises have been designed for individuals to do in the course of reading this book, but they could easily be adapted for use in a self-help group or training programme.
Finally, feel free to alter and experiment creatively with any of my ideas and exercises. Never forget that this book is intended to be a self-help resource and not a Bible!
Introduction to the 2000 Edition
It’s hard to believe that it was only 10 years ago that I was advised (quite rightly!) that there was no mass market interest in the subject of anger. However, nowadays stories centring around the latest kind of ‘rage’ phenomena are part of the staple diet of many newspapers and TV programmes. In addition we are constantly being confronted by the rising temperature of feeling among so many groups of ‘ordinary’ people. Just think how freely the words anger or fury are seen in the headlines of features about traditionally ‘passive’ groups such as nurses, people with disabilities, and pensioners.
But I don’t believe that it is just concern and fear about these issues that is driving the growing demand for more enlightenment on managing anger. What is on the minds of most people I meet has much more to do with everyday concerns. Chiefly, they want to know how to control their own increasing inclination or tendency to be a slave to their own temper! They no longer want their anger to put pressure on their hearts, hurt their kids, ruin their relationships or threaten their careers.
This is great news for me. (And not just because it proves that there is, after all, a market for this book!) I believe that this open acknowledgement of people’s personal struggle with anger could be the first step towards two potential revolutions. First, it could radically improve the way we relate to each other – at home, at work and in the wider world. And secondly, it could revolutionize the way we manage our increasingly pressurized lifestyles.
Ten years ago, those people who are now openly asking for help might have felt hopelessly imprisoned and terrorized by their frustration and anger. They would probably have sunk into a state of chronic apathy and depression – and, in so doing, rendered themselves powerless.
One of the central messages of this book is that when anger is well managed it can do just the opposite: It can be an empowering and positive force. Under our control we can use it to energize ourselves into taking the kind of courageous and constructive action we should take if we want to have happier lives, more successful societies and a planet which will survive many more centuries.
But equally, as we are now witnessing, if we continue to lift the lid on our emotions before we have the tools and techniques to express anger safely, we risk unleashing the potentially deadly force of uncontrolled rage.
So, although I am pleased to see that in the last 10 years anger management has emerged from the shadows and is now seen as a credible way of helping ‘people with emotional problems’, it is still rarely discussed in schools, the workplace or at home. It is one of my dreams to see this happen.