it all.’
‘Done with this city?’
Her frown softened. ‘Oh no – never with this city. It’s the only thing you can rely on. I mean I’m done with the whole couple thing. You think it’s what you want, and you spend all your time pursuing it – but for what? To be disappointed, let down and ultimately dumped upon. I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to see it, but this week I’ve realised something: I don’t need the hassle any more.’
Jake stared at her, suddenly wondering if Paranoid Ray was actually right. This woman – who knew nothing about him – was repeating almost word for word the thoughts that had been running through his head all evening. Without waiting for an invitation, he grabbed the wine bottle and refilled her glass.
‘I’m Jake,’ he said. ‘And I know exactly what you mean …’
Private loft apartment, Upper West Side
Bea couldn’t believe it. Was there really someone else in New York who thought relationships were a waste of time? She could feel the edges of her consciousness beginning to blur and resolved to drink slower. The barman’s confession intrigued her and she wanted to know more. There was honesty in his startling blue eyes that seemed to draw her in …
‘I’m Bea. Thanks for the wine.’
‘You’re welcome.’
They looked at each other for a while, the sounds of the party around them filling the air. For the first time that evening, Bea felt understood by someone else. Russ had done his best to sympathise with her, but beneath his kind words and pep talks lay the unmistakable desire to see her reunited with Otis. Celia and Stewart had listened, but they couldn’t mask their ultimate aim to see her as happily coupled-up as they were. Even her mum, speaking soothing words from the bumpy freeway as her dad drove their rented Winnebago across the United States, clearly thought her daughter just needed time before she found the man of her dreams. When it came down to it, nobody had tried to see it from Bea’s point of view. Until now …
Sure, he was a random barman in a party neither of them wanted to be at, but at least one person in the whole of New York City understood. And right now, that seemed to Bea like the most precious discovery.
‘So – how do you know?’ Bea asked, before she could think better of it, quickly adding, ‘If you don’t mind me asking?’ when she saw the slight droop of his shoulders.
‘About relationships? Because I received divorce papers this week.’
Instantly, Bea felt awful. Choosing to walk away from a relationship was one thing; having the decision made for you was something else. ‘Gosh – I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked …’
‘No, you should. It’s OK. Pretty much everyone else here knows already, so there’s no reason why you should escape the bulletin.’
‘That’s awful.’ Bea wished the floor would open and swallow her up. Her one interesting acquaintance in the room was now smiling so sadly at her that she felt like she’d just kicked a puppy.
‘Yours isn’t divorce, then?’ The joke was clearly intended to make her feel better and Bea appreciated it.
‘We didn’t make it as far as marriage,’ she smiled, finding the act of sharing such personal information with a relative stranger surprisingly liberating. ‘And I called it in the end.’
‘How long?’
‘Five years.’
Jake shook his head. ‘That’s tough. My marriage was seven, with three years before.’
‘Wow.’
‘I know.’
‘I probably should be sitting at home tonight, wishing for him back. But actually, I don’t want him back. Not like we were. It’s taken me standing in a room full of couples I don’t know and toasting a happy couple I don’t know either to discover that. The more I think about it, the more I think relationships and me are incompatible.’ She checked that Jake was still smiling at her. He was. At least that was something. ‘It might sound strange, but the thought of not being in a relationship isn’t scary to me any more. I have so much in my life that’s already working: why focus on an aspect that just makes me unhappy?’
‘I hear you. I’m sick of trying to explain that to people. Truth is, I don’t think I want another relationship.’
‘Me either!’
‘I mean, when the one you think was The One turns out not to be, what hope is there, huh?’
He had a nice laugh, Bea thought. Maybe it was the wine, but the more she talked to the barman, the happier she felt. ‘I am so glad I met you tonight, Jake. I was beginning to think I was losing my mind.’
‘When, instead, we are probably the only two sane individuals in the room tonight.’
‘In the Upper West Side!’
‘In the whole of New York!’
Bea’s heart was racing. ‘People are so dead set on finding someone else to share their lives with. But they forget there are so many things you can do when you’re single that you can’t do when you’re in a relationship. Like assuming the sole use of the remote control.’
Jake chuckled. ‘Amen, sister. Or heading out for dinner on a whim without having to check schedules …’
‘Going to the cinema by yourself and eating all the popcorn – I love that.’
‘Or reading the Sunday paper all day without interruption.’
‘Only going shopping when you feel like it – and never having to feel guilty about dragging someone else along.’
‘Long baths on a weeknight listening to Lou Reed …’
‘Watching five episodes of a box-set in one go …’
‘Setting out from your apartment on a Saturday morning and wandering wherever you want to.’
‘I love that! I haven’t done that for years.’
‘Me either. Know what, Bea?’
‘What?’
‘We should start again.’
Bea smiled, despite the blush she knew was now spreading across her cheeks. ‘We should.’
‘Because we live in the best city on earth,’ Jake said. ‘Why wouldn’t we want to explore it?’
‘Exactly. I love this city.’ Bea turned to the stunning night view from the tall window. ‘Look at that: isn’t it the most amazing view?’
‘It is.
