‘We wanted that baby. It hurt me too, losing our child like that.’
My head snaps up, my eyes meeting his. ‘Did it?’
‘You really have to ask that?’
‘You were ready to get rid of the nursery. Ready to paint over the past like our baby had never existed …’
‘That’s not what it was like, and you know that. Losing the baby hurt me too, Ellie.’
‘It’s just that, you were so busy telling me we had to put it all behind us, had to forget …’
‘I didn’t tell you to forget about the baby. I never once told you to do that.’
‘Losing our child makes up so much of what happened that night, Michael. So forgetting isn’t something I can do. Even if you can.’
I want to ask him who Ava is. I want to ask him, but if I mention her name, if I go into specifics he’ll think I’ve been spying on him. And he’d be right, that’s exactly what I’m doing, but I don’t want him to know that. So I can’t mention her. Not yet.
‘I worry, Michael. That it’s going to happen again, that history is going to repeat itself and I can’t go through it a second time, I can’t … I can’t do it.’
He looks at me, right into my eyes. He’s throwing me a silent instruction. He’s telling me to end this, to stop this, to shut up.
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