she thinks that having me pay for things proves that I love her,” she said, thinking out loud.
“Or she wants to be able to tell all her friends. That gives her status with them. After all, what do their kids do?”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” she admitted. “On my good days, I tell myself to feel sorry for her rather than be angry or resentful.”
“Does it work?”
“Sometimes.”
They stopped by Lake Ciara. The sun had set and the sky was dark. She could see the first stars appearing. As a little girl, she’d wished on the stars, wanting them to make her dreams come true. Back then, most of her dreams had been about a handsome prince who would rescue her.
Now, looking back, she realized the rescue was about escaping her mother. While she’d appreciated having someone to care about her, that relationship had too many rules and strings. Even as a child, she’d felt the need to be loved for herself.
That desire was still there, but she knew it wouldn’t come from the stars. Instead she would have to grow enough as a person to be able to accept that kind of love. Tonight had been a good first step. If her mother returned and tried to suck her back into their old relationship, she would do her best to stand strong.
“You’re looking serious about something,” he said.
“Reminding myself to stay strong.”
He gazed into her eyes. “I really admire you.”
She blinked. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve had to deal with so much. You’re standing up to the only family you have. You’re on this show.”
While she appreciated the praise, she didn’t feel especially worthy. “I’m nearly thirty years old. It’s long past time for me to take on my mother. Besides, you stood up to your brother. I think you inspired me.”
He shook his head. “It was just the two of you. Changing that relationship isn’t easy.” He grimaced. “I didn’t stand up to my brother, in fact. I ran.”
“That’s different.”
Without warning, he leaned in and kissed her. The feel of his mouth against hers made every part of her weak with longing. She kissed him back, knowing she shouldn’t, telling herself she would stop any second now.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her hard against him. She went willingly, surrendering to a force bigger than her doubts. He was tall and strong and made her feel safe. Stephen always made her think that, as long as he was there, nothing bad could happen.
When his tongue touched her bottom lip, she parted for him. She met him stroke for stroke, feeling the heat grow. His hands moved up and down her back, then dropped to her hips. She surged toward him and felt his erection against her stomach.
The physical proof of where this was going shocked her into pulling away. She stepped back, her breathing ragged, and stared at him.
“Stop,” she gasped, then shook her head and held up a hand. “You have to stop. We have to stop. This is crazy.”
His blue eyes were bright with passion as he reached for her again, but she stepped back.
“I mean it,” she said as forcefully as she could. It was difficult to be stern when all she wanted was to throw herself at him, to be held by him, to make love with him.
“I don’t understand,” he told her. “I thought…” He looked away. “My mistake.”
“No.” She grabbed his arm to keep him in place. “I’m sorry. I’m saying this all wrong. Stephen, this isn’t about you. It’s about me and us and where we are in our lives.” She stared at him, willing him to understand.
“You’re twenty-one years old. You need to finish college and go live your life. You have so many firsts, so many new experiences ahead of you, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
He didn’t look the least bit understanding or appreciative of her attempt at self-sacrifice. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re acting like you’re a hundred years older than me. What first do I have in front of me that you don’t have, too? Sure, you’re a couple of years older, but so what? I like being with you. I thought you felt the same.”
He liked being with her? It was hard to focus on what was important and not revel in that information. As for the firsts… “What about falling in love for the first time? You need to do that with someone your own age.”
He stared at her with the expression of a confident male. At that moment there wasn’t nine years between them. They were equals—or maybe he was a little in charge.
“Who have you been in love with?” he asked.
“Um, well, technically I haven’t been in love, but we’re not talking about me.”
“Your point is that you have a whole world that I haven’t experienced. But that’s not true. You told me that even during college you were coming home every weekend. It’s not like you had a great love affair. And since then, you’ve been involved with work and dealing with your mother.”
Aurelia began to regret all the things she’d told Stephen. She hadn’t realized he would use the information to win an argument.
“You’re not a virgin, are you?” he asked.
She flushed but managed to keep looking at him. “No. Of course not.” She’d had sex. Once. Back in college. The night had been a disaster. For once, she hadn’t gone home for the weekend. She’d stayed on campus and gone to a party where she’d gotten drunk for the first time in her life. Not to mention the last time.
She remembered going to the party and meeting a guy. He’d been cute and funny and they’d spent a couple of hours talking. Then he’d kissed her and… She’d never been sure what had happened next. Events were blurry. She remembered him touching her everywhere and being naked and that sex had hurt a lot more than she’d thought it would. But there were no details, just vague images.
She’d spent the next three weeks sweating whether or not she was pregnant, and the next few months waiting to see if there was anything else she had to worry about. She’d managed to escape relatively unscathed, but nothing about the encounter had made her want to repeat it. Until now. Until a twenty-one-year-old boy held her and kissed her. Suddenly there were possibilities.
Life was nothing if not unexpected, she thought sadly. She’d finally found someone she could care about, and everything about him was wrong. She supposed it could be worse. He could be married or eighty or gay.
“I know what I want to do with the rest of my life,” she said. She had to do the right thing. “I have an established career and something resembling a life. Yes, I have issues with my mother, but I’m working on them. I’m going to keep working on them. You need to go finish college and find out what you want to do with the rest of your life. You need to find a girl your own age and fall in love and get married and have beautiful babies.”
It was difficult to talk. Her throat tightened, and her eyes began
