I’m afraid I shall have to stay here for the night as it’s too late to go to my club. We can talk about it again in the morning.’
He turned to leave, but Katherine couldn’t let him go like that. ‘You can’t really expect me to agree to such a proposal? It’s insane!’
He glanced back, his eyes shadowed by his lowered lids. She felt a frisson run down her spine as though he had physically touched her. ‘It isn’t insane at all. We’re married, Katherine. We can either accept that and try to make the best of it or we can carry on the way we are. Are you really happy with your life as it is at present?’
‘But why do you imagine that a child would make it better? It wouldn’t alter the reason we married, Jordan. It wouldn’t change that! Nothing can.’
She gave a shrill laugh. She could hardly believe they were having this conversation. A child! She couldn’t begin to think of what it would mean, how it would change her life. It would be the ultimate tie, of course, because she could never leave Jordan if they had a child...
Unlike her mother, a voice inside her whispered. Her mother had found it easy to leave her children because she’d had other needs. What if she was like that? What if she turned out to be like her mother in that respect as well...?
Katherine’s hands clenched as she tried desperately to hold onto her control, but it seemed to be slipping further and further away with each second that passed. ‘It’s out of the question,’ she said hoarsely. ‘There is no way that I shall agree!’
‘I don’t want you to give me your answer right away.’ He held his hand up when she started to speak. ‘No. This is too important an issue to make some hasty decision about. You need to think about it first.’
‘There is nothing to think about!’
‘Maybe you feel like that now because it’s been a shock.’ He shrugged, with an oddly tender smile playing about his mouth which startled her. ‘But once you think it through you may change your mind. You have a lot of love to give, Katherine. I know that from seeing how you behave towards your father and brother. A child would benefit from all that you have to give it, because you would make a wonderful mother.’
He left the room, and after a few moments Katherine heard the door to the spare bedroom closing. She sank down onto a chair, trembling in the aftermath of what Jordan had said.
A real marriage.
A marriage where she and Jordan would live together day by day, sleep together in the same bed, share all the intimacies of man and wife.
And a child. Jordan’s child...
She bit her lip as fear rushed through her in a great wave. The problem was that Jordan had no idea what he was really asking of her, but then how could he have? It was something she had never discussed with anyone; she was too ashamed to admit her secret fears.
How many times as she’d been growing up had she heard the comment passed about how like her mother she was? It had been meant as a compliment, because Caroline Carstairs had been a beautiful woman.
After Caroline had left, however, the comments had stopped abruptly. No one had wanted to point out the resemblance then, but the damage had been done. Katherine had been tormented by the thought that she might be like her mother in other ways, and all it had needed were those few minutes in Jordan’s arms to confirm her worst fears.
How could she allow that to happen again when the memory filled her with such shame?
She closed her eyes as the wave of fear engulfed her and she was drawn down into its dark depths. Yet how could she refuse and watch her brother’s life being ruined?
CHAPTER FOUR
SUNLIGHT poured through the window and touched Katherine’s face. She stirred. It took her a few seconds to realise that she was lying on her bed fully clothed, a few more before she remembered why...
She struggled to her feet, shocked to see that it was midday. She couldn’t believe that she had slept so late, even though it had been dawn before she’d crept into bed, exhausted by the effort of going over and over everything that had happened...
She felt a wave of panic wash over her as all the fears of the previous night compounded, but she made herself take a deep breath. She and Jordan had been too keyedup last night to talk rationally, but surely today would be different? If she could convince him that his demands went way beyond what was reasonable then maybe they could come to some amicable arrangement. After all, it wasn’t inconceivable that Peter might be able to repay the money Jordan lent him, if he was given enough time.
Katherine clung to that thought as she went to find him, but there was no sign of Jordan in either the sitting-room or kitchen. She glanced along the hall, wondering if he had gone out without waking her, then frowned as she saw that the guest-room door was firmly closed. Had Jordan overslept as well?
He was lying sprawled face-down on the bed when she eased the door open to peer into the room. He was still wearing his shirt and trousers although he had kicked off his shoes. He must have been exhausted to have slept so long, Katherine thought. But then he’d had that flight to contend with as well as everything else.
She was just debating whether she should wake him when he rolled over onto his back and started muttering a little. Even from where she stood, Katherine could see the hectic flush on his cheekbones, the beads of perspiration glistening on his brow. She frowned in sudden concern, wondering what was wrong with him.
The heat was what she noticed first as she hurried to the bed and bent down to look at him. It radiated from him as though his whole body were burning up. Tentatively she laid her hand on his forehead, and was shocked to feel just how hot he was. She was just trying to decide what she should do when his eyes suddenly opened to stare straight into hers.
‘Katherine...’
His voice was husky as he said her name in a way he had never said it before. Katherine felt the tiny hairs all over her body stand up as though he had actually touched her. She jerked her hand away and saw the shutters come down over his eyes as he suddenly returned to full consciousness.
He eased himself up on his elbow, then groaned. ‘God, my head hurts! What the hell’s the matter with me? I can’t remember having much to drink yesterday.’
‘You didn’t. From the look of you you’re running a temperature, I’d guess. Do you want me to call the doctor?’ She forced herself to speak calmly but she could hear the tightness in her voice. It was the way that Jordan had said her name just now, his voice throbbing with something, which sent ripples of sensation running through her as she remembered it.
He shook his head, then groaned again since that had obviously made it ache even more. ‘There’s no need. A couple of aspirin and I’ll be right as rain.’ He looked up and smiled tauntingly. ‘Sorry, Katherine, but I doubt that I’m going to make you a rich widow yet awhile, if that’s what you’re hoping for.’
She drew back, deeply affronted by his mockery. ‘I’ll get you those aspirin. I won’t be a minute.’
‘There’s no rush. I think I’ll just have a shower first. It will make me feel better, I hope!’
He swung his legs
